Open adoption has provided things for me and my son that I only ever dreamed of. I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to watch him grow up, while he is still able to have two parents who love and care for him. Here are 5 major reasons I chose adoption, and more specifically, open adoption.
1. Stable Home
A big reason I chose placement was because of my son’s birth father. He was in and out of my life, in and out of jail, in and out of school and work and so on. I knew I wouldn’t be able to count on him as a father. While I know so many single parents out there that do a wonderful job raising their kids (seriously, kudos to you all) and I know that just because two people are married when they adopt that does not bar them from death, divorce, separation and so forth, I knew that adoption would provide a better chance at two incomes, two sets of arms for hugging, and two personalities to intermingle into parenthood.
I was going to school, had a stable job, but it paid next to nothing. I knew that if I was to be a single parent I wouldn’t have the same options to provide for my son as I have to provide for my kids now. Because of adoption, I’ve never had to worry about whether or not he’s hungry, or cold, or if the check I sent in for rent is going to bounce. I found him parents that have great jobs, a beautiful home, and both have higher education. He’s stable, and he can enjoy life because of it.
2. Emotional and Physical Health
I was worried about placing my son for adoption because of the “unknowns”, because of how his emotional health would be. Would he know I love him? Would he be happy? Would I get to reconnect with him someday? I didn’t know what an open adoption was when I was considering my options. Through my studies I learned about it and because of open adoption I am able to help aid my son’s emotional health. He can grow up knowing why I chose adoption. He will never have to wonder if I love him, because I get to tell him that every time I talk to him. At the ripe age of 5 he has already asked me why I “chose his parents” for him. I’m so grateful that our relationship is so strong that he is comfortable enough to ask these questions.
As for his physical health, I can’t do a lot. Luckily, his parents are amazing caregivers and I don’t need to worry about it in general. I have it included because I find it important to be able to assist in his health history when necessary. While I won’t be around to help him when he has a stuffy nose, if a more serious issue arrives I’m grateful to be around to help with provide knowledge about genetic factors.
Growing up my parents were insistent that we learn a musical instrument, play in a couple of different sports, and keep up our grades. For some reason I had this image in my mind of my son joining the baseball team and always being disappointed in me because I was unable to make it to any of his practices or games because I had to work. Because I chose to place him with two people who already have great jobs that have great schedules, he will be able to play any sport or be part of any extra curricular activity. Since he has two parents, at least one of them will be able to attend. I wanted him to have opportunities that I had growing up. Providing these by myself would have been possible, but providing them and cheering for them would have been difficult, if not impossible.
I wanted my son to live. From the very moment I knew he existed I wanted him to be able to take his first breath, go to his first day of school, graduate, get married and so on and so forth. I wanted him to live, quite literally, and I want him to live metaphorically. I gave him life, that part was over too soon. Then he was born and it was my chance to give him a better chance. It was my opportunity to give him a life worth living, with two parents who were stable and could provide everything I wanted for him. They have done that, over and over again. They have traveled to exotic, international vacations, provided him with a warm and loving home, and any opportunities he asked from them. They love him and are giving him a life I never would have been able to.
More than anything, I want to give him love. I cannot express any amount of gratitude that seems to come close to what open adoption has provided. The birth father has straightened up his life, he even contributes on our son’s Christmas gifts from time to time. I love my son, my parents, my siblings, my kids, my nieces and nephews all know and all love him. His parents, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles and all of his extended family love him. There is no such thing as too much love and this lucky boy has so much in his life. And me, I’m so lucky to have just as many people love me.
“Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means” -Leo Buscaglia