Many of the things people have said to me about me placing my birth daughter for adoption have been not only completely untrue but also outrageously wrong. Some things people say make me wish I could help them understand that placing my birth daughter for adoption was not about me or anyone else. I wish I could help them understand my choice from my perspective. Here are some things I wish everyone knew about my decision:
1) Once I found out I was pregnant, my only concern for the next nine months was my child’s needs and her future. I made sure that I took my vitamins. I lowered dosages on my medications. I went to my regular doctor appointments. I tried to eat healthy and did what I could to ensure she was healthy when she was born.
2) I separated my feelings of what I wanted from what she needed so that she was the only thing I focused on. That does not mean that I didn’t have hard days and change my mind and then change it again, but I had to be firm in my decision in the end because me changing my mind at the last minute wouldn’t be healthy for me or her.
3) I love her more than life itself. I did not know what unconditional love was until I saw her face and held her for the first time. There is nothing like seeing the child that came from you and wanting to give her the whole world.
4) The reason I didn’t place her with family was because it would have been harder for me to see her on Facebook and at family reunions. I needed for my life to be separate from hers, but I have always kept her in my heart and mind.
5) Once I spent time with her at the hospital, I was not changing my mind because I knew she would have what she needed with her parents. I was raised by a single parent who struggled to pay bills and to care for me; I did not want my birth daughter to know what struggling was.
Some birth moms wish people wouldn’t comment about their choice unless it was in a supportive way. Other birth moms wish people understood that their choice was made out of love for their baby, that they did what they thought was best for their child.
Some birth moms are not teens, and some people perceive that they are old enough to raise a child; however, age doesn’t always equate with the maturity or emotional and financial readiness needed to raise a child.
I am very grateful for the two years that have passed since placement. These years have given others the chance to see me grow, mature, and develop. I hope that as more time passes, people will further understand my choice.
