Scientifically, there is not a lot of studies about birth mothers. Most people looking to understand adoption look at the adopted child and the adoptive family. And the majority of media outlets and entertainment that depict adoption don’t usually don’t show us in the best light. So as one of those woman, there are 6 things I’d like you to know about birth mothers.
1. Placing our children is our way of trying to be good mothers. It’s not a cop out or a decision we make on a whim. We’re trying to do what we think is best for our child
2. We don’t place our children because we don’t love them or don’t want them. Admittedly, some do place for those reasons, but not many. How many women do you know would not get an abortion so carry a child for 9-months and not care for their child? We just want them to grow up to be happy and be given the best life possible.
3. We’re not monsters. Yeah, a lot of us have issues like drug addictions, abuse in the home, and mental illnesses, but we’re not all bad people. Our circumstances are not what define us; it’s our character. And if you know someone who was brave enough to place their child, I’m willing to bet they’re not all that bad. Such an act shows too much empathy and humility to be labelled so harshly.
4. A lot of the time, we don’t want to share our experience, not because we’re ashamed, but because of how we think we’ll be perceived. The awkward silences, the abruptly ended conversations, the looks of pity are a lot to deal with.
5. Other times, we really want to talk about our experience, not because placing a child is glamorous or honorable, but because it was necessary and it’s shaped us into who we are. It’s not to be prideful or to one-up anyone else’s hardships, it’s just part of who we are, and a lot of us are proud of how far we’ve come
6. Yes, a lot of us made some poor choices, but we’re human. We still hurt. We still mourn. We still struggle. Regardless or the decisions we previously made or may still be making, we’re trying to get through this thing called life just like everyone else. We’re just struggling through it differently.
Long story short, we’re normal people. We do average things just like the average Joe down the street. We have school work, jobs, families, hopes, dreams, and promising futures. Just. Like. You.
Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.