7 Ways to Show Your Child’s Birth Parents You Love Them

Because birth parents are the best.

Kira Mortenson September 11, 2014

I feel like we were really lucky to have so many months to get to know our kids’ birth parents before placement. We had six months’ notice before our son was born and eight months before our daughter was born. During the time before they were born, while at the hospital, and after placement, it was important to us to make their birth parents feel loved and appreciated. The amount of time allowed us to think about different ways to show that love. While there are many ways to show love, often our social anxieties limit the ways we connect with others. For us, connecting with birth parents helped us know how to start our family. Using multiple methods, we showed our love in different ways for the birth parents. Here are seven ways to show birth parents you love them.

1. Pedicures

I had so much fun taking my kids' birth mothers to get pedicures before the big day. I had heard from most of my friends that they would go get a pedicure before delivery day came because you can feel pretty gross while giving birth, but at least your toes would look cute! This was also a good opportunity for us to talk and get to know each other better.

Maternity Massage
2. Maternity Massage

I took my son's birth mother to get a maternity massage a few weeks before she was due. I knew she was in a lot of pain and, once again, had a few friends tell me how amazing it was to get a massage while your body was in such an uncomfortable state. She loved it and we had a great time together. We went to lunch after and had a lot of time to bond.

3. Blanket

One of the hardest parts of adoption for us was knowing that these girls we loved so much would go home from the hospital and ache for their babies they had just placed with us. It was so bittersweet bringing our babies home from the hospital. We wished there was something we could do. We decided to give them a blanket at the hospital that would match a blanket that our baby would have too. We thought it would be a good way for them to feel connected even after we parted ways.

Don't forget the birth father if he is involved
4. Don't forget the birth father if he is involved

We are so grateful that to this day we have contact with our son's birth father. We wish we did with our daughter's birth father, but it looks like it is not an option at this time. Grant's birth mother and birth father were not a couple at the time of his birth, but his birth mother was very kind to allow him to come to the hospital to meet Grant. Finding a gift to give to him was much more difficult for us than it was thinking of things to give his birth mother. We didn't know him as well at the time, and men are just harder to shop for in general. We decided on a new wallet with a gift card inside to Walmart (one of the few stores they had in the area in which he lived). We cherish the pictures we have of this time at the hospital with him.

5. Visits

We felt strongly that open adoption was right for our family. One of the biggest ways we try to make our children's birth parents feel loved is by visiting them. We promised we would always stay in contact after they were born, and we have happily kept our promise. We feel it is important for our kids to have a relationship with their birth parents. But also selfishly, I just miss them and enjoy seeing them so much. We're family now, and it is so good to get together.

Be There to Support
6. Be There to Support

We felt honored to be invited to our children's birth mothers' high school graduation. They are best friends and graduated the same year from the same school. When they got their diploma, we screamed and cheered for them. We were so proud of them for such an accomplishment. High school is rough; it is even harder when you have to spend a year of it pregnant.

We are excited to attend Grant's birth mother's wedding next summer and are so happy to be invited.

Help Them Feel Included
7. Help Them Feel Included

We wanted our kids' birth parents to feel included. Having a baby is usually such a happy time, and it was, but it was also a really hard time for them. We went shopping for maternity clothes and for baby clothes together. Grant's birth mother brought an outfit to the hospital for Grant to wear when leaving the hospital. Avery's birth mother helped us pick Avery's name. We had decided on Jaycee, but I had heard the name Avery and fell in love with it. My husband, Mike, wanted the name Jaycee. So we left it up to her birth mother, and I'm happy that she sided with me! We also knew Avery's birth mother's favorite color was lime green, so when we picked out a car seat cover, we picked a lime green and pink cover. We also made sure to put a lime green bow in her hair after giving her a bath at the hospital. These may have been small things, but we hoped they made their birth mothers feel included.

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Kira Mortenson

Kira became a mother through adoption twice and once through a high-risk pregnancy. She and her husband opened their hearts to open adoption five years ago and now enjoy a beautiful relationship with their children's birth mothers, who are best friends, and their son's birth father. She has served as a co-chair for a chapter of Families Supporting Adoption, and enjoys doing adoption presentations for schools in her community. When she isn't changing poopy diapers and making mac n cheese, she spends her time teaching dance, attempting to exercise, and spending time with her husband, Mike. Instagram ID: Kiralm

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