7 Ways to Show Your Child’s Birth Parents You Love Them

I took my son's birth mother to get a maternity massage a few weeks before she was due. I knew she was in a lot of pain and, once again, had a few friends tell me how amazing it was to get a massage while your body was in such an uncomfortable state. She loved it and we had a great time together. We went to lunch after and had a lot of time to bond.

One of the hardest parts of adoption for us was knowing that these girls we loved so much would go home from the hospital and ache for their babies they had just placed with us. It was so bittersweet bringing our babies home from the hospital. We wished there was something we could do. We decided to give them a blanket at the hospital that would match a blanket that our baby would have too. We thought it would be a good way for them to feel connected even after we parted ways.

We are so grateful that to this day we have contact with our son's birth father. We wish we did with our daughter's birth father, but it looks like it is not an option at this time. Grant's birth mother and birth father were not a couple at the time of his birth, but his birth mother was very kind to allow him to come to the hospital to meet Grant. Finding a gift to give to him was much more difficult for us than it was thinking of things to give his birth mother. We didn't know him as well at the time, and men are just harder to shop for in general. We decided on a new wallet with a gift card inside to Walmart (one of the few stores they had in the area in which he lived). We cherish the pictures we have of this time at the hospital with him.

We felt strongly that open adoption was right for our family. One of the biggest ways we try to make our children's birth parents feel loved is by visiting them. We promised we would always stay in contact after they were born, and we have happily kept our promise. We feel it is important for our kids to have a relationship with their birth parents. But also selfishly, I just miss them and enjoy seeing them so much. We're family now, and it is so good to get together.

We felt honored to be invited to our children's birth mothers' high school graduation. They are best friends and graduated the same year from the same school. When they got their diploma, we screamed and cheered for them. We were so proud of them for such an accomplishment. High school is rough; it is even harder when you have to spend a year of it pregnant.

We are excited to attend Grant's birth mother's wedding next summer and are so happy to be invited.

We wanted our kids' birth parents to feel included. Having a baby is usually such a happy time, and it was, but it was also a really hard time for them. We went shopping for maternity clothes and for baby clothes together. Grant's birth mother brought an outfit to the hospital for Grant to wear when leaving the hospital. Avery's birth mother helped us pick Avery's name. We had decided on Jaycee, but I had heard the name Avery and fell in love with it. My husband, Mike, wanted the name Jaycee. So we left it up to her birth mother, and I'm happy that she sided with me! We also knew Avery's birth mother's favorite color was lime green, so when we picked out a car seat cover, we picked a lime green and pink cover. We also made sure to put a lime green bow in her hair after giving her a bath at the hospital. These may have been small things, but we hoped they made their birth mothers feel included.