Adoption + Unknown = Fear

Adoption has come a long way in terms of leaving social stigma behind, but we've still got ground to cover.

Sonia Billadeau May 07, 2014
article image

The last few weeks have been bubbling in the adoption community. I head up a lot of discussion forums and am a regular reader/participant in a lot of others. Ever since the horrific and tragic shooting in Colorado, there have been a lot of people talking about how the shooter was adopted. A lot of people blamed his antisocial and demonic behavior on how he was abandoned by his biological parents, never fit in with his adopted family, and so on and so forth.

I slipped in a few comments here and there, but for the most part I stayed out of the discussion. Finally, when I saw it posting so many places, I decided to start my own thread on my own Facebook page (Open Adoption, Open Heart) about the topic. At first, when I started the discussion, I was focusing on the fact that it doesn’t matter whether or not someone was adopted. I know a lot of adopted people, and to me it’s silly to think that they are less balanced emotionally or more prone to antisocial behavior because their genetics don’t match those of the people who raised them. I heard things like, “If he was raised by his aunt and uncle, people wouldn’t say anything about it,” and “My kids are adopted, does that mean they’re more likely to end up spending their life in prison.” The whole discussion was full of points that should be obvious to everyone. At least, that’s what I thought.

Then a bigger picture began to form when I found out the truth. The truth was that the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooter was actually not even adopted. The entire story about his upbringing and adoption weren’t true. Not only that, but other than a very small mention by a large network, which was quick to tell rumor like it was fact, the entire basis of the adoption story was false.

The fact that the story was false reiterated, at least to me, the need for the adoption community to stand tall. Too many people are still afraid of adoption for some reason. People are afraid of what they aren’t familiar with or what they don’t understand. And since adoption spent so many years, up until recently, being a topic of taboo and hush-hush in social circles, people are still wary of it. People in my close surroundings who have seen my adoptions and those of other people would be quick to say, “What’s his adoption got to do with anything?” if indeed the rumors were true. But not only did someone start that adoption rumor, but the fact that it spread throughout the adoption world without the major news networks even talking about it means that there is still a long way to go before people are secure enough in their adoption thoughts to quit pointing fingers of blame. After all, if someone started a rumor that he was raised by his grandma, how far would that rumor go? The answer: not very far because nobody would care. Yet, I don’t really see a difference.

Stand tall for adoption. Talk about it so people in the world become familiar with its beauty. If not us, who will? People need to hear about it and they need to hear about it from us.

author image

Sonia Billadeau


Want to contact an adoption professional?

Love this? Want more?

Claim Your FREE Adoption Summit Ticket!


The #1 adoption website is hosting the largest, FREE virtual adoption summit. Come listen to 50+ adoption experts share their knowledge and insights.

Members of the adoption community are invited to watch the virtual summit for FREE on September 23-27, 2019, or for a small fee, you can purchase an All-Access Pass to get access to the summit videos for 12 months along with a variety of other benefits.

Get Your Free Ticket


Host: ws02.elevati.net