When I was 5 years old, my parents told me I was adopted. I am now almost 19, and looking back, I’m actually fortunate I found out at such a young age because I grew up appreciating my parents more. I was confused, sad, and emotional. The way they described it to me made me feel like they were giving me back, but that, of course, wasn’t the case.

My mother couldn’t have children. She and my father waited 15 years to be chosen, so I have always known I am very special to them. My mom wrote me letters to read when I got older about me growing up. She was my best friend. To this day, no one will ever be able to fill that place in my heart like she did. My mother passed away when I was 9 years old. I then went to daycare while my father worked.

At the age of 12, I was finally ready to stay home alone. I started snooping through papers that had to do with my adoption. I found out the names of my biological parents. I came to find out they only lived less then 10 miles down the road from me. When Myspace became popular, I tried finding them through the website. I found a man who was my biological father’s brother, and I contacted him. He told me his mother, my biological grandma, had been trying to find me for years. The stories I heard from my mother and father were that my biological dad knew about me and didn’t want anything to do with me. He claims to this day that he never knew about me until 5 years ago. My biological grandfather gave my biological mother an option when she was 18: she could either keep me and not be able to live in his house or place me for adoption and go back to living her normal life.

I used to think this option was selfish, but at least she let me have the chance to live, and I respect her decision. Before I met my biological father, I had this idea of what he could be like. It was complete opposite, which was kind of a disappointment. He’s a deadbeat. 37 years old still living under his mother and father’s roof, and they do his laundry! I was shocked when I heard that one, being that I’ve been doing laundry for the last 5 years!

I’m happy I got to know the rest of the family. My biological mother doesn’t want to meet me yet; she’s apparently not ready. At first, I had to accept this, but I’m not sure I know how to anymore. My biological mother is 36, and she and my biological father had another child: my sister. My biological father wants to tell her about me, but my biological mother refuses.

I have written my biological mother over 100 letters, and I have only gotten one response. I’m trying to understand it from her point of view. She’s upset that a lot of people are finding out about me, and that hurts me because I’m human and I’m not going to be a secret to others. I feel that isn’t fair to me. All I am is an adopted child who her wants to get to know her biological family. I see my biological father from time to time, but I have laid off contacting my biological mother. All I know is I’m so blessed with the family she chose for me and that I got to experience life.

When she is ready to meet me, she is ready. I then, of course, will be happy to meet her, but I’m going to have a lot of questions as to why it took so long for her to meet me and  why she needs to keep my sister from me. I’m already missing out on a lot of her life. I don’t want to miss out on much more.