[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/02/a6be241a1245812cc5ae144ba890b6b1_view.jpg[/img] I told myself I wasn't going to reach out to them. As I looked at their names, I reminded myself that the whole point of getting my original birth certificate was to learn my identity and do some genealogy. Now that I had names, I could figure out my ethnicity and have a lot of questions answered. It didn't make sense to reach out to these people who---most likely---wouldn't want a relationship with me. But something Mary----my birthmother---had said in a letter to me all those years ago, kept echoing in my head: "My middle son is very excited to meet you someday". She explained that she didn't have much contact with her other two children, but that this particular son knew about me and apparently was at least somewhat pleased about my existence. It took me about 2 weeks of thinking it through, and wondering if I could cope emotionally with being told again that I was not welcome in someone's life. When I finally decided to take my chances, I sat down and wrote a letter to my brother---Don. I must have written about 7 different drafts, showing each one to my ever supportive husband, who finally deemed the last one "not overly emotional or rambling". With the support of a dear girlfriend who had been cheering me on through this journey, I finally worked up the courage to put the letter in the outgoing mail, and prepared myself for a less than positive response. It was almost a week later, while I was I on vacation with friends, that I received one of the best emails I've ever read: "I'm so happy you found us...we have so much catching up to do.....can I call you?" Within days, I had spoken with both of my brothers, Don and Ron, on the phone, and had exchanged emails with big sister Ava. I don't mind telling you that I was thrilled to learn all three have a wonderful sense of humor, and of course, most amazing of all.....they have welcomed me with open arms. It's as if my appearance has been completely natural to them. I honestly have been so touched by their kindness that it has more than made up for the sadness I felt so many years ago when 'our' mother chose to stop contact with me. The outcome has been better than I could have ever hoped for. Mary is not yet aware that we are in touch with each other......Because her contact with her kids is infrequent, I am leaving it up to their discretion if or when they want to share that information with her. In the meantime, I have spent the past few months feeling more "whole" in my heart than I ever have in my life. Pieces that were missing are finally being put in place. And as wonderful as its been, something else amazing is about to happen...... I'm meeting Ava face to face this weekend. http://simplysnarky.blogspot.com/2016/12/i-told-myself-i-wasnt-going-to-out-to.html

I woke this morning with a very heavy heart. I just can't help myself from worrying about all the "what if's". I know about all of the things that can go wrong and I really become scared. I worry that we will not be able to find a child that is 3 years and under to adopt. Sometimes I feel very guilty that we are searching for a child that young. Especially since there are so many deserving kids that are older, who needs a loving family. I just want to raise a child from the younest age possible. But, on the flip side of the coin- I know in our hearts that when we find that special child we will just feel it in our hearts, no matter what age they are. I feel guilty because we do not want to foster-to adopt. I know that my husband and myself want a child so much that we would fall so deep in love with the child that it was kill us emotionally to let the child go. I think our heart can only handle adoption.

Wow - Four-C is great. They emailed me a list of day cares that accept DCFS funding, and that are open nights and weekends. So far, I found two in my city, and 5 more that are in close cities to us. Not bad at all. Of course these are day care homes. We will have to research the trustworthiness and credibility of them when the time comes in two years.

Native children are languishing in state care in unthinkable numbers, far higher than ever lived in residential schools at any one time. Canada remains so traumatized by the sixties scoop,Ӕ the widespread adoption of native children into white homes, that it allows the native children of today to grow up without a permanent home of their own. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/editorials/native-children-also-have-the-right-to-parents/article1833657/

By Trace A. DeMeyer (aka Laura Jean Thrall-Bland) Ok, you may remember me writing on my blog I wanted my adoption file. (My Top 5 ReasonsӔ, www.splitfeathers.blogspot.com) Back in September I had mentioned this to Jackie, who I visited on my recent mini-book-tour. Jackie helped Ben get his adoption file so she gave me the email for the state office in Madison, Wisconsin. I live in Massachusetts so this was super-convenient. Id simply write an email! Wisconsin, by law, allows adoptees in a closed adoption (like mine) to request and receive their non-identifying information. You simply fill out their form and request it (and pay them $75 an hour). Let me clarify: your non-identifying information is a bit of history with no names. It will not help you locate your tribe or your missing natural parent(s). In fact, itҒs so vague, its really no help at all! I decided to request my identifying information (aka the real deal, my sealed adoption file.) They emailed me that I would need a court order. I needed to fill out their form, have it notarized and mail it back to them so I did. Within a month, I spoke to a woman on the phone who proceeded to fill out the paperwork for a court order. She would present it to the judge and I didnҒt need to be there. Now this was weird. She asked me why I wanted my file. Why was this so hard for me? I have a million reasons. But I didnt know what the judge wanted me to say. What was a good reason? I said I wanted my adoption file to help me understand my early history and where I was the first months of my life: that is what I think she wrote down. (I told her I was nervous). Ok, IҒm sure the most used reason for such a request is the need for family medical history. (I could have said I was nervous dating strangers who might be my real brothers but this was too twisted a reason for a judge. And Im married.) There are many good reasons, yes. But what did the judge want to hear? I didnҒt know. If the judge read my form, hed see I already knew the names of both my natural parents. (Remember I read my adoption file when I was 22.) Heck I knew their birthdays and when each of them died. So like all adoptees, I waited and prayed. The un-named judge would review my request. He or she could deny me. But the judge didnҒt. Because I wrote my birth parents are deceased that is why I believe the judge granted my request. It֒s only a guess. And if they considered my age 54, I֒m no kid. Maybe that is why. So this white envelope arrived the day after Thanksgiving and I was too emotional to open it. Yes, I was a wreck! I knew it would hit me like a ton of bricks. It did. My friend met me for breakfast on Sunday morning and since Loud Blood is an adoptee, she said she would read it to me. That was better, we thought. It was best to do this with a friend who was also adopted. So she read and I cried (in a restaurant!). The worst part was not my crying. There was family history on one page and a small post-it note that said the next part was not on microfilm. I did not receive the entire context and testimony my natural mother Helen gave to the social workers. So I am processing that I am the daughter of Helen - who, by the way, did want to keep me. This broke me up so hard - my emotions are still ragged and raw. It was 1956 and she was not able to keep me, no way. So, if someone in Wisconsin does want to do this - and if they need tribal information - it is on the form in Wisconsin and the only way an adoptee can do this is through a court order. And pay $75 per hour. When I was 22, Id asked a judge to read my file but the one I have now (this file) is different than the one he let me read. He had more legal paperwork in his file. The effect on me now is greater - plus my fathers version was different than my mothers. One of the reasons I didnҒt mention: I was in a foster home. Who were they? Now I have their name and address. That was huge for me. Now I know where I was the first days and months of my life. I feel so fortunate, so blessed I was able to get my adoption file when so many are still in the dark about their identity and name. Every adoptee on the planet deserves this information, absolutely. And it's criminal that we can't in all but 6 states in the USA. PS: I do not have a copy of my OBC- original birth certificate. Wisconsin said I'd have to get it from Minnesota where I was born. Minnesota is a sealed record state so I may never see it. Lauren, blogger at Baby Love Child, emailed: 6 states have unrestricted access- Alaska and Kansas never sealed, Oregon was opened by the ballot measure appealed up through the courts; (Bastard Nation, among others, were very key to sparking effort) Alabama, New Hampshire and Maine all opened legislatively. The other conditional access states, IL, TN, & DE all continue to treat adoptees as second class citizens, forcing them to jump through hoops like confidential intermediary systems and parental vetoes. The states and their subcontractors- often religiously based maintain control and dole out whatever number as they see fit. TN has actually criminalized contact if a veto was signed. OH, MI, and MA all have tri-black hole systems, that grant access to some at the direct cost of access for others. None of them can be considered "open records" states.

I love coming to this place in the last 9 or so years it has been my retreat ....... what I have learned has overwhelmbed me at times. The friends I have made makes me feel like I belong someplace ..... I thank you Chickie Donna Mar........ MN you helped me grow them BALLS /.........Dkm you showed me life can be normal having all your kids live in the same house. I know I can be so harsh about adoption sometimes and I dont mean to be. But I think that all parts of the triad need to remember that they are a part of something else weather by choice or by chance...

I write here today, because I awoke in such a great , energetic, happy mood, checked into the forums, and was so totally floored by a certain member, that attempted to clean the floor with a reply in a post I made...meant for Firstmoms, I as usual ..with stupidity thought I could finally post where I could tell my true feelings about my twins. Not so, these forums, I had always felt were for ALL of us to come learn, vent, cry, listen and hear, others and their journies. I thought, since I had no one in my everyday world to open up to about my journey with the twins, this was a perfect place to come to. I have always enjoyed coming and listening, responding, and sometimes give gut honest opinions...I thought that was what the forums were for. I will come here now, for I know I am safe here, I cannot hurt anyone here in my own journal world. I still can purge my pain, feelings, and love that are deep inside me..without being told I have no right to do so. It has taken me 45 minutes to stop crying..thank GOD my hottie is hauling hay, for I would not like him to see me this upset. He is such an amazing gentle sole, he made me feel like a queen again this morning. We have now been married 10 yrs. I have only had 3 partners , and all 3 have been husbands. So I am not the most experienced at telling whether he is the best(especially at 62 yrs old), but I can imagine none any better. We enjoy trying new things,and always have the best time doing so. I must go take a tractor to the field..I just needed to come to my safe place, and get rid of my anger/sadness, from realizing this place is not for me..the forums that is. I know when one comes here, the adoption journeys are not always a pleasant happy place, quite the opposite actually. I knwo that we all have differing opinions, and because the subjet of our lives is adoption, there will be advers opinions that will cause some heated replies. I just thought ALL were welcome to have their voice heard...in a respectful manner...I was wrong!

I've recently more been connected with my maternal uncle. I have 2 older half-sisters, 4 uncles, 2 aunts and a bunch of cousins. Looking forward to learning more.

Hello, Everyone. Before my father married my mother, apparently he fathered a son who was born in Baltimore, Maryland in October or November 1958. I would like to try to locate this person. He has six half-brothers and sisters who would like to meet with him. Thanks.

IT'S ANNIE RIGHT NOT TO CALL OR WRITE , BUT AIM BROKEN WITH LOVE!WHAT EVER WILL BE, WILL BE.IT JUST MAKES ME SO SAD. LOVE TO ALL. NANA JANE