Five Ways To Overcome Strain In Open Adoption Relationships

Listening, really actively listening, to the other side can be difficult, especially when there are hurt feelings or anger. Acknowledging we all carry biases towards one another and how that impacts what we hear can be the first step in actually listening to what the other person has to say. After all, you know what people say about assuming the unknown.

It is always easier to see other people’s mistakes than our own. And it is especially hard to watch someone you care about make choices you don’t see as being beneficial to them. As hard as it can be, especially when relationships are strained to begin with, avoid offering ‘unsolicited’ advice. Chances are if you aren’t communicating well to begin with your ‘advice’ won’t be well received and will lead to further resentment. And definitely avoid the ‘I told you so’ response. It won’t make you or the other person feel any better. You can’t make someone be who you want them to be. Find something good to focus your attention on.

It is possible to find things you like about almost anyone. And offering sincere words will go a lot farther to fostering a good relationship and managing conflict than being someone you're not. If you made a mistake, said something in the heat of the moment or realized at a later time how something you said could have been misunderstood, offer a sincere apology. Honest, heartfelt words are much more well received that critical ones.

Sometimes, you just won’t agree with people no matter how much you want to or how much you love them. Being able to acknowledge that you will never see eye to eye on certain things allows you to gracefully avoid the subject in the future. Why add strain to a relationship rehashing old issues? All it does is damage the relationship further and prevent healing.