“Pregnancy envy.” It is a very real emotion and one that is not easily gotten over. It resurfaces at Christmastime when families are sending out cards with their children’s pictures or writing their yearly letter telling every accomplishment their child has completed. Unfortunately, most likely you or someone you know is dealing with infertility. I know from experience that it is a grief process and even so, it is hard to move forward. But how can we be happy for those who can conceive?
2. Envy is Normal
Remember that envy is a normal emotion. You’re not a bad person, friend, or relative for feeling pangs of jealousy. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I still remember a time in high school and I was sitting with a group of friends at lunch. We were talking about the future and a friend told me she could see me as a soccer mom with a mini-van driving lots of kids from one activity to the next. And that was what I wanted. But I am not able to conceive, so my husband and I adopted our now three-year-old daughter.
3. Jealousy is About You
“In many ways, it is easier to feel envy and direct your difficult feelings outward than to look inward and acknowledge sadness. Jealousy is less about your friend or family member’s pregnancy, and more about your own grief over infertility.” I am still working through this emotion. Even though my husband and I have our daughter and I love her with all of my heart, I didn’t get to experience carrying her for nine months. I didn’t get to experience childbirth or be there for her birth. But I am a mom now and in end, the other stuff doesn’t matter.
4. Be Wary of Advice
It is important to remember that while infertility is not uncommon, many people do not know how to support you in your infertility journey process. So take any “advice” people might tell you with a grain of sand.
5. It Will Take Time
But how can we move on from this jealousy/grief? Remember that it will take time. “Jealousy can make you feel alone. There comes a time when isolating yourself to avoid pregnancy jealousy will create more harm than good. You may need to re-let go over and over again. But being able to do so is important to your mental health.”
Meghan is an adoptive mother and a big advocate of adoption and foster care. She resides in Indiana with her husband, their one-year-old daughter who is the center of their lives, and their dog Max. She has a Bachelor's and Master’s Degree in Social Work. Meghan stays at home with her daughter but is so happy she found this outlet to share her personal adoption story and educate about adoption!
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