How to Include Your Child in His Birth Mom’s Birthday

As adoptive parents, it's our responsibility to help our children celebrate this special day.

Kenna Shumway August 05, 2014
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Birthdays are a happy day dedicated to celebrating another year of life with family and friends. It seems only natural that a birth mom would love for all her family to be involved. As adoptive parents, especially those of us with open adoptions, we bear the responsibility of making sure her birth child is involved, at least until the child is old enough to handle it on his or her own.

As an adoptive mama, I made sure to save my son’s birth mom’s birthday in my phone along with an alarm notifying me of it a few days prior. I am horrible at remembering birthdays and the ages people are turning, so this was my first step in ensuring we remembered! It also gives me time to plan what I want to do, whether it be scheduling a time to Skype, having my son, Harley, create a special birthday card to mail, or putting together a birthday package.

On Harley’s birth mom’s birthday, we always Skype or call. Harley loves singing to her and talking about what presents she received. He then usually continues to talk about all the presents he wants for his birthday, but his birth mom loves the phone calls/Skype calls regardless of what he talks about. I love to talk with her as well, as she is not only Harley’s birth mom, but my friend and a part of our family.

Every year, I put together a birthday package, with Harley’s help. We always include the newest photos of Harley as well as a few things Harley loves. In the past, he has picked Hot Wheels cars, a coloring book and crayons, and some silly string. Also included are her favorite treats, some homemade art work from Harley, and other small gifts. Harley then signs his name on her card (usually accompanied by an original drawn picture) and seals it with a kiss before we drop it in the mail.

Many adoptive parents may feel overwhelmed with trying to think up ideas on how to celebrate these days with their child’s birth parents, but there is no need to be stressed! Even the simple things will mean the most to the birth parents.

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Kenna Shumway

Wife. Adoptive mom. Writer. Photographer. Endometriosis survivor, infertility warrior & adoption advocate. Rock star on weekends. Currently calls Ohio home with her pharmacist husband and their ginger son. Read more from her on her blog.

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