Positive Adoption Language Guide

This also applies to "birth fathers," "birth parents," and "birth families." Terms that are considered negative, and should not be used, include "real mother," "real mom," "real dad," "real father," "real parents," "natural parents," "natural mother," and "natural father." The words "real" and "natural" imply that the adoptive parents are "fake" or "unnatural."

When talking about the parents of a child who was adopted, you don't need to call them the "adoptive parents." Just "parents" will do. They are legally that child's parents.

A child who was adopted is that family's son or daughter. He or she is their child. Terms that could be negative are "adoptee" or "child who IS adopted." Adoption is only one part of this child's story.

Expectant parents have every right to choose to parent over choosing an adoption plan. A negative term associated with this is "choosing to keep the child."

Birth parents choose to place their children for adoption-- they don't "put them up for adoption," "give them up," or "give them away."

A child that was placed for adoption is that family's child. They are their son, daughter, brother, sister, niece, nephew, granddaughter, grandson, cousin, etc. They are not an "adopted child" nor do you need to differentiate them from biological children by using terms such as "your own child."

When adopting from another country, don't use the term "Foreign Adoption." More positive terms include "Intercountry Adoption" and "International Adoption."

Avoid the terms "handicapped child" or "special-needs child." The child is a whole person who happens to have special needs. When you look at the definition of a child with special needs, you'll realize it could apply to everyone in the world at one point in their life or another. Celebrate abilities-don't focus on disabilities.

A negative term would be "Failed Adoption." Until that baby is placed, the birth parents have the right to choose to parent. There are no adoption contracts that would force a mother to place her child (as an adoptive mom, I got that question a lot before placement). Adoption isn't easy and making the choice to either parent or place is not an easy decision. After a "failed placement," both the expectant parents and the adoptive couple will both be going through a lot of pain, so be loving and sensitive to everyone involved.