What type of couple chooses private infant adoption? Certainly not us, right?
When my husband and I started down the road of adoption, we didn’t even look at infant programs because we already had children. We’d already experienced the “baby stuff,” so we were perfectly happy to adopt an older child. After two older child adoptions, we were surprised to see God leading us toward infant adoption.
I assumed that the only people who adopted infants were infertile couples. I heard stories of couples waiting years for a baby. If there was such a shortage of babies, wouldn’t it be selfish for us to adopt a newborn?
Even with all these reservations, we couldn’t shake the feeling that we were supposed to adopt a baby this time around.
I called several agencies and heard a similar thread throughout our conversations. Some agencies wouldn’t work with us due to the size of our family. Other agencies said we could give it a shot, but our chances of getting chosen were slim.
“Most birth moms choose couples with no children, or maybe just one or two.”
Still, God kept leading us forward and I finally talked to an adoption consultant who gave me hope.
“You never know what will attract a birth mom to your family. If God has a child for you, He will bring you together.”
We followed God’s leading and we are now matched with a lovely young woman in another state, due to have a baby boy in a few weeks.
I’ve learned a few things since we started this process:
1. There isn’t a shortage of babies who need homes. Unplanned pregnancies aren’t slowing down any time soon. As adoption talk continues to come out of the shadows and into the mainstream, women who may not have known about this option are exploring the possibility.
2. Many babies who are placed for adoption are minorities. The overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are white, and many want a baby who looks like them. If you are more open with your preferences, you have a better chance of being chosen quicker. We already have two children who don’t “match” the rest of us, so we prefer to adopt a baby of a different race. We’ve been surprised at how few families are interested in some of the minority situations.
3. Gender plays a large role in how many couples are interested. The preference is for baby girls, so if you would like to adopt a baby boy your chances of getting chosen are higher. We were open to either gender, so we are now expecting our fifth son (More noise, less drama. Trust me!).
4. Many babies placed for adoption have some level of prenatal drug or alcohol exposure. While that sounds scary, it doesn’t have to be. Some of the most dangerous drugs do not have as many lasting effects on the baby as you may think. Do your research, keep an open mind, and pray through each situation.
5. There is no rhyme or reason to how a birth mom chooses a family. No matter what those first agencies said, I don’t feel like we’ve been at a disadvantage due to the size of our family. One birth mom may want her baby to be an only child, while another wants her baby to grow up with siblings. We appeal to the latter. We were chosen by one birth mom because her older children take taekwondo classes and so do our kids. She eventually chose to parent that sweet baby, but we were chosen again soon after. The birth mom we are currently matched with liked that we’ve adopted in the past and already have some diversity in our family.
If, like us, you feel God’s prompting to adopt an infant but aren’t sure if you will ever get a baby, be encouraged. Times are changing, and infant adoption is open to more families than ever. The very things that make you undesirable to one birth mom make you a perfect fit for another. As our adoption consultant told us, If God has a child for you, He will bring you together.
Have you adopted a newborn privately even though you have children already? I’d love to hear your story.