Parent Profiles is an amazing platform in which hopeful adoptive parents can connect with expectant parents considering placing their baby for adoption. Here is a success story.
Introductions
Hi I’m Rhonda
and I’m Dan
[Rhonda] And we adopted six years ago yesterday. We just celebrated Jacob’s birthday last evening.
Why did you choose to adopt?
So when we were dating we used to, you know like anybody, talk about your dreams in the future. Dan is adopted and his sister is also adopted. So, we had discussed that as a possibility that we were open to that. Then we eventually got married and when it was time to start our family we had a lot of difficulties. and failed fertility treatments for a long time. and then when I was in graduate school miraculously, we were pregnant and we have a daughter. I finished that program and she was probably 2 or 3 and we wanted to have another child, and we thought that it would come very naturally and it did not. We discussed adoption versus fertility treatment again. And so we did at that point try fertility treatment and we just didn’t get anywhere. We weren’t willing at that time for us, it just wasn’t a good fit to
do IVF., and then when we finally felt like we had exhausted what we were willing to do in that realm. We came back around to adoption. and it was saying it was two different people that crossed our path 3 weeks period…. I had a patient who mentioned to me this particular adoption lawyer and then two separate people at our church and school community. and I talked to my husband and I was like I just feel like
[Dan] It was meant to be.
[Rhonda] Yeah, it was beyond coincidental. So we reached out to this adoption lawyer and that started our whole process.
How did you hear about Adoption.com?
[Dan] He recommended that we search it out. and pointed it as a great avenue to get our story and …. just a broader audience.
[Rhonda] Yeah and it was funny right before we went into his office for the first meeting, we both quickly said adoption or closed? And we both were like closed. And then we went and we met him and it was really not an option these days….. and so he was really educating us. and then at that time I think I had just pulled myself off of social media and he just impressed upon us that really he could do the best you can but if we utilize social media we will fare will increase our odds and so many more people. We had like a little postcard that we would hand out to random people or anybody. But he really just did courage creating a Facebook page and using an online profile of sorts. but when people do ask us about our process it was very unconventional, and Adoption.com for sure was amazing. our paperwork became legal on October 31st and Jacob was born January 13th and I was there the next morning.
That is unbelievably fast, it was amazing.
How did you feel about starting the adoption process and using Parent Profiles?
[Rhonda] We had a process it, you know. it was disappointing but that’s the direction we had to go to, but it makes the most sense. In the end and, Dan I talked about this before the call, I did most of it you know. I had more free time to do that but it was fun putting it together and you know you show me your family and your story because I do think it’s Unique. I hope that Dan being adopted will offer our son some insight, some comfort to that feeling that only a person can ever have. you know I can sympathize with whatever those feelings are but I won’t ever know what that is. Whereas he does.
What was the matching process like?
[Dan] We were not aware that she was very close when she first reached out. We say she actually found out later that it was a friend of hers who reached out to us initially. She had had no prenatal care and the information we got from her friend was maybe she was seven months along.
[Rhonda] So it was a phone call initiated by a friend slash support person and she posed as the sister of the birth mom; “my sister is 7 months pregnant is thinking of adopting” and then I called back I wasn’t able to get anyone. so at this point, we had maybe three or four other interactions that didn’t end up in anything so I wasn’t thinking that this was going anywhere
[Dan] And we thought we had like 2 months to develop this relationship.
[Rhonda] If it was something yea…it wasn’t in our minds like days away. So then I was at work on a Wednesday. and I got an email with an attached picture of a newborn baby and it said please call… I was like oh my goodness. I work in an OR environment and all my coworkers knew what was going on. My colleague came in and was able to get me out of the room and I was able to make the phone calls. And it was multiple calls between me and the lawyer and my husband. and then multiple calls between my husband and me and then we finally did have conversations with the birth mom directly. Then her and our adoption lawyer spoke. Then it was just advised to go down… it was in another state, we’re in Ohio he was born in North Carolina. and by the time all that took place all the phone calls were done and decisions made the last evening the last flight fare from here I wouldn’t have made and I could drive there and arrive before the next morning flight. so I drove through the night and I got there he was bored at like 8 something in the morning and I got there at 4 a.m. the following morning and we’ve never been apart. We did have a 2 week NICU stay and then … the NICU nurse, she set up the Ronald McDonald house. another blessing, we try to support as much as possible. We stayed there for four weeks during his hospital stay and during a time for all of the state documentation to be finalized so that we can actually leave state lines.
[Dan] So you were there for a month and Mia and I traveled every weekend back and forth.
[Rhonda] There were a lot of blessings, they came for weekends. There was a time when he was released from the hospital Dan then few down and spent there was a lot of days with just three of us it was like nothing else you could ever have with a natural-born child. We were isolated out of state just the three of us like the best bonding time ever with no interruption in the Ronald McDonald house where they just take care of you. they provide the meals and so there were no distractions even of your own household it was so so perfect.
What kind of openness do you have in your adoption?
[Rhonda] He really does want to meet her and I said that you know I think that will definitely happen. we maintain our Facebook adoption page mainly because that is the best way that he does follow him. phone numbers over time I think when he was about six months old I no longer had a solid phone number to reach out to her. but then I could see that she was following that and I know she knows how to contact us, nothing in our information has changed. and she does her life is improving and she’s making strides. she sends me pictures of her other children. you know she sees pictures of us I’ve sent letters, it is definitely an open adoption. he is aware of his story and curious about her … that will come in time, you know as he matures.
What are your feelings towards Adoption.com and your experience after the adoption/match?
[Rhonda] It was so cool to see that they were like a match you know when our profile and that we, you know, we had adopted. I forget how it was but there was some sort of flag on our profile that’s said adopted or matched or something like that. and then I think it just lapsed after that I don’t remember any follow-up to be fair but also I was busy.
[Dan] Yeah we were busy
What does life after adoption look like?
[Rhonda] Well there’s one little nugget of a significant, we had another miraculous pregnancy. and ironically I spent a whole day with his birth mom in the hospital waiting for a local lawyer to come and have her sign everything so that she could leave and be done. in that time we talked and she was not in a great place but she was very kind to me and you do felt very strongly that we were who he needed to be with. She knew our story of infertility and she literally said “you will have another baby” and she just was like in empathetic “just please love my son” you know which I was like of course we would. I was also so doubtful honey you don’t know we are never going to have another baby. We had another baby. Right before I turn 42. we have a 13-year-old girl our adopted son Jake who just turned six yesterday and we have a two-and-a-half-year-old boy. It has been difficult because I think Jacob has unfortunately it was probably not good timing when he was like 3 to have a new baby and distraction and so we’ve overcome a lot of obstacles. but to see them love each other and have each other as little buddies is so beautiful. not that there’s anything terrible and raising a single but we had our daughter for almost eight years before Jake came along and it’s just, it’s so nice to have a sibling and a buddy and they just like they have their own little chant “best buds forever” and it’s the cutest.
What advice can you give to hopeful adoptive parents?
[Dan] First of all, without doubt, without Adoption.com we would never have found Jake.
[Rhonda] In general we prefer to be a little more private and not use as much social media, although that is the way of the world and we’re going to have to get on board to succeed. I would say let go of that fear, show yourself and then the right person will find you. We were so blessed.