The One That Got Away

An adoptive family is faced with a hard decision

Dreena Melea Tischler April 24, 2014
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babies adoption day

In December, we were faced with a tough decision, one I have spoken little about. In November, when we adopted our three “Littles,” bio-mom was pregnant. She delivered soon after (4 weeks early), and the caseworker asked us if we wanted to take the baby.

This was a much harder decision than it sounds on the face of it. We have two older daughters (14 and 12), so five children in all. It’s a full house, literally– three girls and two boys! Yet we know how important those sibling bonds are. We would have loved for our Littles to get to know their younger brother. We would love them to forge that bond and have a lifelong relationship.

Yet, we had to say, “No.” There were lots of logical reasons like our concerns about the time and care a newborn requires and what that would take from the other 5 kids. We were concerned about our then 3-year-old and his issues with attachment. We have a pretty full house — where would the baby go once he left the bassinet at my bedside?

All that aside, we made the decision because they were looking for a legal risk home for this child, and the state’s permanency plan for this child is adoption. What this said to us is that any subsequent children bio-mom has will probably be in the same situation. She is only 26. And there were others before our three. There is no reason to think she is done having babies ,and sadly, even if we took this one, we simply can not take them all. Somewhere, we have to draw a line.

So as hard as it was for us to do, we said our forever family is full. From now on, we will only take foster care cases. I am sorry these kids will likely not know their younger sibling, at least for now. And I am grateful they have each other. Hopefully, it’s enough.

Photo Credit – Dreena T

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Dreena Melea Tischler

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