To My Daughter’s Mother

She may have my smile-- but you're the reason behind it.

Sonia Billadeau January 10, 2014
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Dearest Beth,

How do I even begin? For someone who can express herself freely, I find myself unable. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I am enraptured with admiration.

You are an amazing woman. You are so secure in who you are, and your role as Emily’s Mother. You do not fear me, but embrace me. I am not a threat to you, I am your friend. You have invited me into your home, into your life, and into your heart.

I know my lips have been silent, but my heart speaks in its own quiet ways. How can I speak when I cannot form the words of love I have for you?

You have waited for so long for a child. Many nights you prayed. God has answered your prayer. He has answered mine also.

All I wanted was for my child to have a chance. I wanted my baby to have all did not, so I gave her back to the one she belonged to, the Lord. He placed her in your arms, not I.

I remember in the hospital, the day before I was to give you our Emily. You and I sat alone. You gave me a circle of love necklace with Emily’s birthstone on it.

I broke down. I asked you, “How will she know?”

“How will she know how I feel at this moment, how my heart is breaking?

“How will she know how I love her– and always will?”

You sat on the bed and cried with me. Through your tears you said these words, “Because I will tell her.” It was then I knew. I will never forget your words, for I hold them close to my heart.

Too many times I shove myself into the role society has given a woman such as I, a birth mother. It is hard for me to accept that I am a stranger to my daughter, for at one time I was all she knew.

I have comfort that I have your blessing to get to know and treasure her as you do when she is able to understand.

When you see me on the sidelines watching from a distance, do not think I am emotionally numb. For what you cannot see are the prayers of thankfulness I am sending to the Author of this plan, God.

To be able to see her is like a gift– a gift I get to open and re-open each time I see her.

What a special little girl she is– to have two mothers praying over her when she was yet unborn.

Yes, I gave her life, but you gave her the life I could not.

Beth, she may have my smile, but you are the reason behind it. For this, I thank you!

Please, when you hold her close, tell her you love her twice. Once for you, and once for me.

With Love,
Your Daughter’s Birth Mother,

Skye

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Sonia Billadeau


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