To the Parents I Have Yet to Meet

Part one of my reunion story. Before I met them, I kept a list of questions for my birth parents.

Robyn Cisar October 08, 2015
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Where would I be if I had never left you?
Would I be rich or poor?
Would I even be in this city?
Would I be making good grades?
Would I feel loved?
Would I have experienced the pain I’ve experienced?
Would I have learned the lessons I’ve learned?
Would I know the basics?
Would I chew with my mouth shut?
Would I know to look both ways before crossing the street?
Would I know not to talk to strangers?
Would I be healthy?
Would I be comforted when I was hurt?
Would you have kissed the pain away?
Would I know God?
Would I love you?
Would I hate you?
Would you be like my mother?
Would you constantly drive me crazy?
Do you suffer from depression?
Would you be able to lift my spirits?
Would you see the more beautiful, simple things in life?
Would you be like my father?
Would you constantly be there for me?
Do you always have to be right?
Would you hold me in spite of my flaws?
Would you know how to help me with my math homework, or just let me fail?
Would you remember where my birth mark is?
Would you have taken me to the Emergency Room for my cough?
Would you have held my hand during the treatment?
Would I have this scar on my hand?
Would you kill spiders for me?
Would you encourage my love for Diet Coke?
Would you have tied our bikes together to help me learn how to ride?
Would you make my lunches every day for 13 years?
Would you take me trick or treating?
Would you cook scalloped potatoes on Thanksgiving just because I love them?
Would you give me a chocolate orange in my stocking?
Would we go camping for Easter?
Would you have let me keep my dog, Sierra?
Would you go to my volleyball games?
Would you laugh at my “teeny weenie flea” joke?
Would you talk in funny voices with me?
Would you curl my hair for formals?
Would you buy me my first car?
Would you be there for my first heartbreak?
Would you remind me that Daddy was the first boy ever to kiss me?
Would you be mad at me for breaking countless jelly jars?
Would you yell at my clumsiness?
Or would you have helped me find grace?

Somewhere out there I know two individuals exist.

Are you together?
Did I break you apart?
Did I cause you much pain?
Do I have a sister or a brother?
Whose eyes do I have?
Whose nose?
Where did my curly hair come from?
Are my small ears the same as my father’s?
Are the shape of my lips the same as your mother’s?
Do our baby pictures look the same?
Do I have the strength of my dad?
Do I have the courage of my mom?
Are you beautiful?
Are you kind?
Are you happy?
Are you afraid?
Are you hurt?
Are you still out there?
Was it hard to give me away?
Did you treasure our three days together?
Did you cry?
Did you hold me close?
Did you even want me?
Did you know I would always be left with questions?
Did you love me?
Did you hate me?
Did you feel connected to me?
Why did you do it?
Do you think about me?
Do you even remember me?
Do you miss me?
I think about you all the time.
May 23, 1991 . . . Did I change your life?

Read the next part of my reunion story here: Should We Shake Hands? The Day I Met My Birth Mother

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Robyn Cisar

Robyn Cisar is an adoptee from the Natural State with a passion for waiting children and writing. Since reuniting with her biological family, she has felt called to help bring an end to the orphan crisis by sharing her story and raising awareness. She enjoys speaking at foster and adoption events, meditative doodling, and hammocking anywhere the sun is shining. Read more from her on her blog. Or follow her on Instagram: @robyncisar


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