There are people out there who actually feed off everything vulnerable or corruptible about the adoption process. The word that has cropped up to describe these individuals is “adoptoraptor”—a combination of the words “adoptor” and “predator.” These are people who pay off agencies, make sure the children they adopt cannot locate their biological parents, and keep birth mothers and fathers from having a say in the adoption.
There is a wide range of predatory behaviors in people who adopt, ranging from the wild extreme of women who kidnap children and raise them as their own to those who adopt children because they want a child to serve as an accessory to their lifestyle rather than as a separate human being with rights, needs, and individuality (1). These people can be subtle, even fooling themselves into believing they are well-meaning . . . or they can be overtly immoral, actively taking advantage of people in vulnerable situations.
How can you avoid adoptoraptors if you are a birth parent considering putting your child up for adoption?
Deal with reputable lawyers and agencies. Do your homework, and know your rights. If you have chosen to have your baby, choose to make sure they enter into the best life possible by avoiding the seedier side of adoption and worst-practices. Most of all, do not be intimidated into making the most convenient choice possible unless it is also the right option for both you and your child.
How can you avoid becoming an adoptoraptor, if you are hoping to adopt?
Check your own reasons for adopting. If they are selfish and do not involve the best interest of the child, adoption is not the right choice for you unless you seek help and your motives genuinely change. If the route you decide to use to “gain children” (the phrase to “become a parent” does not fit this scenario) is not legal and/or does not also take into account the emotional and physical well-being of the biological parents, it is not a moral decision, and you are going into the process for less-than-ethical reasons. Seek help, whether it be professional, clergy, family, support groups – but do not bring a child into your current situation. However, if your reasons for adopting are sincere and selfless, you have a responsibility to do your own research and use only ethical, proven methods and channels to adopt. Otherwise, you may unwittingly find yourself using various shortcuts that only serve the darker side of adoption and actually end up supporting the adoptoraptor culture.
Pregnant and have questions? We can help answer your questions by telling us what works best for you.
In short, put the needs of the child first, whether you are a biological parent placing your child for a truly better life or you are trying to become a parent.
1 Riben, Mirah. Predatory Adoption Practices: What is an Adoptoraptor? 10/1/2017.
Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that can only be filled by a child? We’ve helped complete 32,000+ adoptions. We would love to help you through your adoption journey. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.