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Difference between revisions of "Adoption Parenting"

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=Ages and Stages=
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''This information has been directly taken from Child Welfare Information Gateway''
  
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Newborn and Infant]]==
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Now that you have [[adopted]] a child and life is beginning to settle down, you may find your thoughts moving to the future. When shall I tell my child that s/he is [[adopted]]? How will s/he feel about it? At what point will s/he want more information? What will s/he want to know from me? How can I help my child feel comfortable about being [[adopted]]?
  
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Toddler]]==
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Whether children are [[adopted]] as infants or when they are older, whether they are healthy or have physical or psychological problems, their [[adoption]] is bound to influence their development. You need to understand how and why.
  
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Preschool]]==
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Learning about the developmental stages of children and what can be expected in each stage is important to all new parents. When your child has been [[adopted]], there are additional considerations. In these pages, we will be looking at specific issues—separation, [[loss]], anger, [[grief]], and identity—and show how they are expressed as your [[adopted]] child grows up. Some of these issues will be obvious in all stages of development; others surface at specific times. The more thoroughly you can understand how your child behaves and why, the more likely it is that you can be supportive and help your child to grow up with healthy self-esteem and the knowledge that s/he is loved.
  
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Grade School]]==
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While the stages described below correspond generally to a child's chronological age, your child's development may vary significantly. Some children progress more quickly from one stage to another; others may continue certain behaviors long past the time you would have expected. Still others may be substantially delayed in entering and moving through new stages. Many characteristics of adolescence, for instance, may not even appear until your child's twenties and may persist until your child's identity has formed.
  
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====[[Adoption Parenting: Grade School| Grade School Part 1]]====
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=Ages and Stages=
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This section addresses
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*The importance of understanding child development and
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Newborn and Infant]]==
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*The impact of adoption.
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[[File:Newborn-and-Infant.jpg|thumb|left|200px]]
  
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====[[Adoption Parenting: Grade School Part 2| Grade School Part 2]]====  
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====[[What to Expect the First Year]]====
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Includes the following:
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The primary task of a baby is to develop a sense of trust in the world and come to view it as a place that is predictable and reliable.
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<br/><br/><br/>
  
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*Effects of child [[maltreatment]] and trauma
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Toddler]]==
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*Communicating about adoption.
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[[ File:Toddler.jpg|thumb|left|200px]]
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====[[What to Expect the Second Year]]====
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Toddlers continue the attachment and separation cycle in more sophisticated ways in the second year.
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<br/><br/><br/><br/>
  
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====[[Adoption Parenting: Grade School Part 3| Grade School Part 3]]====  
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Preschool]]==
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Talks about these topics.
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[[File:Preschool.jpg|thumb|160px|left]]
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====[[Preschool: Adoption and Child Development| Adoption and Child Development]]====
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It is important to understand the typical developmental tasks and needs of preschoolers, as well as how [[adoption]]-related experiences may affect your child.
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====[[Preschool: Communication About Adoption|Communication About Adoption]]====
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Parents who project an attitude of acceptance and comfort with [[adoption]] are better able to help their children explore their own feelings and fears.
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====[[Preschool: Discipline Considerations| Discipline Considerations]]====
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The purpose of discipline is to teach, re-teach, and assist children in developing their own internal controls.
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<br/><br/>
  
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*Disciplining effectively
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Grade School]]==
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*Improving your child's school experience
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[[File:Shutterstock 83070964.jpg|thumb|200px|left]]
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*Advocating for adoption-sensitive assignments
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====[[Grade School: Understanding Child Development and the Impact of Adoption| Understanding Child Development and the Impact of Adoption]]====
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*Seeking help for mental health concerns
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School-aged children go through many significant developmental changes. It is important for parents to understand the typical tasks and needs of school-aged children as well as how [[adoption]]-related experiences may affect children.
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====[[Grade School: Communicating about Adoption| Communicating About Adoption]]====
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Parents who feel good about [[adoption]], are comfortable talking about it, and can openly acknowledge their child’s feelings are best able to help their children do the same.
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====[[Grade School: Disciplining Effectively| Disciplining Effectively]]====
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The purpose of discipline is to teach children acceptable behavior and how to develop their own internal controls. Discipline should take into account your child’s abilities, learning styles, and family history.
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====[[Grade School: Improving Your Child's School Experience| Improving Your Child's School Experience]]====
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Being [[adopted]] can affect your child’s school experience. Peers may pose innocent questions that cause hurt feelings, or they may tease an [[adopted]] child about being [[adopted]].
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====[[Grade School: Seeking Help for Mental Health Concerns| Seeking Help for Mental Health Concerns]]====
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Adoptive families, like other families, sometimes need help to address mental health concerns. Sadness, anger, and behavior challenges are normal as children in grade school learn more about their family histories and come to terms with [[adoption]].
  
 
==[[Adoption Parenting: Preteen]]==
 
==[[Adoption Parenting: Preteen]]==
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[[File:Preteen.jpg|thumb| 200px|left]]
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====[[Preteen: Psychological Identification| Psychological Identification]]====
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If your child has had several homes before yours, there is often a brief honeymoon period where s/he will try to be perfect to ensure your love. But soon the sense of [[loss]], hurt, and anger surfaces.
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<br/><br/><br/><br/>
  
 
==[[Adoption Parenting: Teenage Years]]==
 
==[[Adoption Parenting: Teenage Years]]==
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[[File:Adoption-Parenting-Teenage-Years.jpg|thumb| 200px|left]]
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====[[Adoption Parenting: Teenage Years|Teenage Years Part 1]]====
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====[[Teenage Years: Understanding Teenage Development and the Impact of Adoption| Understanding Teenage Development and the Impact of Adoption]]====
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Explains the following:
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Thirteen- to nineteen-year-olds experience rapid physical and hormonal growth.
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*The importance of understanding of teenage adoption
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====[[Teenage Years: Communicating with Your Teenager About Adoption| Communicating with Your Teenager About Adoption]]====
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*The impact of adoption.
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[[Adopted]] teenagers wonder about their birth families and think about [[adoption]] more than most parents realize. They need parents who are comfortable talking about [[adoption]], who aren’t threatened or hurt by the discussion, and who can help answer their questions and discover information about their pasts.
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====[[Teenage Years: Helping Your Teenager Communicate with Others About Adoption| Helping You Teenager Communicate with Others About Adoption]]====
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====[[Adoption Parenting: Teenage Years Part 2|Teenage Years Part 2]]====
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Being [[adopted]] can affect peer interactions. Teens are capable of more sophisticated understanding and discussions about [[adoption]], but they can be quite narrow in their judgments.
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These topics are discussed:
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====[[Teenage Years: Disciplining Effectively| Disciplining Effectively]]====
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As teenagers assert their emerging identities and independence, while also navigating peer pressures, they frequently will test the boundaries of family rules.
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*Communicating with your teenager about adoption
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====[[Teenage Years: Preparing Your Teenager for Adulthood| Preparing Your Teenager for Adulthood]]====
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*Helping your teenager communicate to others about adoption
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An important part of parenting teenagers is creating the conditions in which they can master [[adult]] tasks and take on greater independence.
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*Disciplining effectively.
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====[[Teenage Years: Seeking Help for Mental Concerns| Seeking Help for Mental Concerns]]====
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For many [[Adopted Persons|adopted persons]], growing up in an adoptive family involves some additional complications and challenges.
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====[[Adoption Parenting: Teenage Years Part 3|Teenage Years Part 3]]====
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Talks about,  
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*Preparing your teenager for adulthood
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*Seeking help for mental concerns.
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==[[Adoption Parenting: Young Adults]]==
 
==[[Adoption Parenting: Young Adults]]==
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[[File:Adoption-Parenting-Young-Adults.jpg|thumb|200px|left]]
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====[[Young Adults: Postadoption Issues| Postadoption Issues]]====
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[[Adopted Persons|Adopted persons]] may deal with a range of issues at different points in their lives.
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====[[Young Adults: Openness, Searching, and Access to Family History| Openness, Searching, and Access to Family History]]====
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Being placed for [[adoption]] does not necessarily mean an [[adopted]] person will never be able to contact his or her birth parents again.
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====[[Young Adults: Managing Adoption Issues| Managing Adoption Issues]]====
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Most [[adopted]] adults overcome any [[adoption]]-related issues they experience during childhood and adolescence and are as well-adjusted as nonadopted persons.
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====[[Young Adults: Additional Resources| Additional Resources]]====
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Several nonprofit membership [[organizations]] provide education, advocacy, and support for families touched by [[adoption]].
  
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=Questions Arise=
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=Additional Information About Adoption Parenting=
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==Openness in Adoption==
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[[Open Adoption|Open adoption]] allows [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]], and often the [[adopted]] child, to interact with the child’s birth parents. Openness can vary greatly from family to family and may change over time. [[Open Adoption|Open adoption]] is becoming increasingly common, in part due to a growing recognition of the potential benefits of allowing an [[adopted]] child or youth to establish or maintain connections with his or her birth family. To support adoptive families in considering and maintaining [[Open Adoption|open adoption]], this information describes various [[Levels of Openness|levels of openness]], potential benefits, important considerations, and tips for building and strengthening open relationships.'''1'''
  
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==Where Do I Come From? How Did I Get Here?==
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*''[[What is Open Adoption?]]''
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Most 3- to 6-year-olds do not yet understand the meaning of "being born." If they watch "Sesame Street" or "Mr. Rogers" on television, they may have learned something about how animals are born, and more recently, about how babies are born. They may then start to ask questions about this fascinating subject. Although parents traditionally are nervous about discussing the facts of life with young children, the children usually are curious, unembarrassed, and eager for information. This is a perfect opportunity to introduce the subject of where babies come from, how they get here, and how families are formed. This information is a valuable stepping stone in helping your child understand the concept of adoption. It is a time, too, that may awaken painful memories about your own infertility if that was the reason you chose adoption. Discussing birth and the creation of families with your child can be an enriching—and freeing—experience for the whole family.
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*''[[Trends Toward Increasing Openness]]''
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*''[[Benefits of Open Adoption]]''
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*''[[Deciding Whether Open Adoption Is Right for Your Family]]''
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*''[[Building and Maintaining Relationships With Your Child’s Birth Family]]''
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*''[[Using Social Media for Contact With Birth Families]]''
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*''[[Resources for More Information About Open Adoption]]''
  
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At this time, [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]] must determine what and when they will tell their children about their adoption. Many adoption workers advise parents to introduce the word "adoption" as early as possible so that it becomes a comfortable part of a child's vocabulary and to tell a child, between the ages of 2 and 4 that s/he is [[adopted]]. However, some child welfare experts believe that when children are placed for adoption before the age of 2 and are of the same race as the parents, there probably is little to be gained by telling them about their adoption until they are at least 4 or 5 years old. Before that time, they will hear the words but will not understand the concept.
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==Finding and Using Postadoption Services==
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It is common for adoptive families to need support and services after [[adoption]]. Postadoption services can help families with a wide range of issues. They are available for everything from learning how to explain [[adoption]] to a preschooler, to helping a child who experienced early childhood [[abuse]], to supporting an [[adopted]] teen’s search for identity. Experience with adoptive families has shown that all family members can benefit from some type of postadoption support. Families of children who have experienced trauma, [[neglect]], [[abuse]], out-of- home care, or [[institutionalization]] may require more intensive services.
  
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Dr. Steven Nickman, author of the article "Losses in Adoption: The Need for Dialogue," suggests that the ideal time for telling children about their adoption appears to be between the ages of 6 and 8. By the time children are 6 years old, they usually feel established enough in their family not to feel threatened by learning about adoption. Dr. Nickman believes that [[preschool]] children still have fears about the [[loss]] of their parents and their love and that telling them at that time is too risky. In addition, there is some question about whether a child under 6 years of age can understand the meaning of adoption and be able cognitively to work through the losses implied by learning that s/he was born into a different family.
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Postadoption Issues That Adoptive Families Often Encounter|Postadoption Issues That Adoptive Families Often Encounter]]''
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Changing Needs for Support at Different Ages and Developmental Stages|Changing Needs for Support at Different Ages and Developmental Stages]]''
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Types of Postadoption Services|Types of Postadoption Services]]''
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Organizations That Provide Services|Organizations That Provide Services]]''
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Finding Postadoption Services and Additional Resources|Finding Postadoption Services and Additional Resources]]''
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Paying for Postadoption Services|Paying for Postadoption Services]]''
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Advocating for Postadoption Services| Advocating for Postadoption Services]]’'
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*''[[Finding and Using Postadoption Services: Conclusion and Additional Resources| Conclusion and Additional Resources]]
  
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Although it is obvious to adults, young children often believe that they are either [[adopted]] or born. It is important, when telling them about their adoption, to help them understand that they were born first—and that all children, [[adopted]] or not—are conceived and born in the same way. The birth came first, then the adoption.
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==Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents==
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Adoptive parenthood, like other types of parenthood, can bring tremendous joy—and a sizable amount of stress. This factsheet explores some of the emotional ups and downs that [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]] may experience as they approach the decision to [[adopt]], during the adoptive process, and, most importantly, after the [[adoption]].
  
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Waiting until adolescence to reveal a child's adoption to him or her is not recommended. "[[Disclosure]] at that time can be devastating to children's self-esteem," says Dr. Nickman, "and to their faith in their parents."
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*''[[Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents: Why Adopt?| Why Adopt?]]''
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*''[[Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents: Managing the Adoption Process|Managing the Adoption Process]]''
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*''[[Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents: Impact of (Adoptive) Parenting| Impact of (Adoptive) Parenting]]''
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*''[[Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents: Issues Related to the Type of Adoption or Age of Child|Issues Related to the Type of Adoption or Age of Child]]''
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*''[[Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents: Conclusion and Additional Resources| Conclusion and Additional Resources]]''
  
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==Why Was I Given Away?==
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==[[Helping Your Foster Child Transition to Your Adopted Child]]==
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[[Loss]] is a feeling that runs through the lives of children who have been [[adopted]]. It shows itself in different ways at different stages of their lives. But knowing that their birth parents made an adoption plan for them, and then not hearing a lot of information about the birth parents, often makes [[adopted]] children feel devalued and affects their self-esteem. Sometimes they feel as though their status in society is ambiguous.
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If you’re a [[Foster Parent|foster parent]] adopting a child, children, or youth currently in your care, you’ll need to help your child make the emotional adjustment to being an [[adopted]] child. While you may appreciate the difference in the child’s role within your family, children and youth may not clearly comprehend the difference between being a foster child versus being an [[adopted]] child in the same family. There are specific steps you can take to help children understand these changes.
  
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The full emotional impact of that [[loss]] comes to children, usually between the ages of 7 and 12, when they are capable of understanding more about the concept of being [[adopted]]. It happens because they live more in the world outside of their families and are more tuned in to the world inside their heads. While this is a giant step toward self-reliance, it leaves parents in a quandary about when and how much adoption information to share, and uncertain about whether their child is wanting or dreading to hear it. It is especially difficult at this time to decide what to do or say to children who do not inquire about their birth parents.
 
  
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Although it may feel awkward, it sometimes helps to think back to your child's life and death questions during the [[preschool]] years and introduce the subject yourself. You might preface your conversation with what you would say to an adult. For example, "I just want you to know that if you want to talk about your adoption, I'd be glad to" or "You haven't asked much about it lately, and I thought, now that you're older, you might be thinking about it in a more grownup way." Such an introduction gets across to children that you are interested in talking about the subject and that you are aware of their getting older and more sophisticated in their thinking. In any case, your willingness to "connect" with your children about their adoptions and not to deny the difference between being [[adopted]] and being born into a family can help them grieve this important [[loss]].
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Visit [[Special Needs]] to find out more about physical, mental, and emotional disabilities.
  
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You can help your children work through their [[loss]] if you can be nondefensive about their adoption as well as sensitive to how much they want or need to talk about it at a given time. Do not, however, place undue emphasis on the adoption, as this is likely to make children feel painfully self-conscious about it. But if facts and feelings about adoption are not discussed at all, children's fantasies about their backgrounds may be acted out unconsciously, thus carrying out their unconscious self-identification as an unworthy person.
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Return to [[Adoption Wiki]]
  
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Once they have understood the biological facts of life, and something about the social and cultural aspects of family life in their community, children of elementary school age begin to imagine things about their birth parents. One 7-year-old asked if her birth mother looked like their 15-year-old neighbor. An 8-year-old boy asked if his birth father could have been a friend of the family. A 9-year-old reported to her mother that she was looking in the shopping malls for a woman who had a nose like hers.
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==Resource==
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Child Welfare Information Gateway. A service of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
  
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Although preschoolers want to hear how they were [[adopted]] and entered their homes, older children discover the reality that their birth mother relinquished them for adoption and ask why. Just as preschoolers try to make sense of reproduction by developing their own theories and mixing them with what their parents told them, older children try to reconcile their own theories with the available facts. What they learn produces a gamut of emotions ranging from incredulity to sadness, disappointment, anger, and guilt. Children may not express these feelings, but they have to be acknowledged, lived with, and digested before they develop a new understanding of adoption and themselves.
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==Citation==
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'''1''' ''While this information includes information primarily for [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]], it also may be of interest to birth parents. Pregnant women thinking about placing their child for [[adoption]] also may be interested in [[Open Adoption]]: Could [[Open Adoption]] Be the Best Choice for You and Your Baby? available from www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/birth/for/''
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Some researchers think that children must grieve for the [[loss]] of the birth parents much in the same way that infertile couples grieve for the [[loss]] of a biological baby. Some children feel that they were given up because there was something wrong with them or because they were bad. Some become fearful that they will hurt their [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]]' feelings or make them angry if they want to find out more about their birth parents. Where preschoolers would often be quite open about expressing these feelings, older children have a greater sense of privacy and are not sure that their parents can tolerate their questions or feelings. Older children may, therefore, keep much more to themselves.
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A common situation in children of this age, which you may recall from your own elementary school days, is imagining that they had been [[adopted]] or kidnapped from another set of parents who were usually better in every way than their own. These parents might have been rich, or even royalty, and they did not make you take vitamins, eat spinach, go to bed at 9 p.m., or refuse to let you watch MTV. When life at home was unpleasant, we could daydream about this "better" family to soothe our angry or sad feelings.
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These fantasies provide an outlet for times when children are infuriated or disappointed by their parents, and when they do not know how to cope with their anger toward them. Usually, as a child recognizes that love and hate, anger and affection, can be felt toward people without ruining the relationship completely (i.e., the preschooler's—"I won't be your best friend any more" changes to the 8-year-old's, "I'm so mad at Jenny that I won't sit near her at music today"), these thoughts of another family fade. Then your children can continue to identify with your characteristics, activities, and values.
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The fantasy world of the [[adopted]] child is complicated by the existence of the birth parents, and is influenced by whatever information is available about them. Sometimes the facts make it more difficult for children to idealize their birth parents or put pressure on them to "choose" to "be just like" or "totally unlike" one or the other set of parents.
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==Where Are My Biological Parents?==
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Current adoption practice has mixed opinions about whether, when, how, and with whose help, adoptees should look for more information about or try to initiate a [[reunion]] with birth parents. Information on this process is available through the Clearinghouse. [[Adoptive Parents|Adoptive parents]] tend to think about their children's wish to search when they first [[adopt]], and again when confronted with their angry toddlers. The topic resurfaces in adolescence, either raised directly by the child, or when rebellious, defiant behavior such as threats to run away, makes parents wonder if their child is wanting or needing to contact a birth parent. It takes a parent with sturdy self-esteem and more confidence than most of us have to withstand the stony silences and stormy confrontations with teenagers in turmoil.
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Parents are often tempted to escape perhaps by abandoning their teenagers who are having [[toddler]]-like tantrums, but you and your family will benefit more if you remain calm, stand up for the values you have taught, and continue communication efforts. For some adolescents, searching can be useful, while for many, the urgent activities and decisions of daily life are so pressing that they feel uninterested in or unable to confront such a heavy emotional undertaking. Waiting till they have reached adulthood when their lives will be more settled may be better for the latter group.
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==Who Am I And Where Am I Going?==
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No sooner do your children begin to understand the wonders of biology than their own bodies begin the surge of growth toward puberty and the awesome stage of adolescence. Adolescence, for all its newness—it was not considered a distinct stage of life until after the first World War—has quickly acquired a reputation as a difficult and trying period for children and parents. Physical growth changes the person from a child to an adult, in preparation for procreation, but mental and emotional development may take years to catch up with the body. Adolescents' behavior is in transition and not fixed; their feelings about the world and their place in it are tentative and changeable, like a chameleon's.
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The adolescent's primary task is to establish a secure sense of identity; the process is arduous, time-consuming, and intense. Establishing a stable identity includes being able to live and work on one's own, to maintain a comfortable position in one's family, and to become a contributing citizen in one's community.
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It is the nature of all adolescents, [[adopted]] or not, to question everything and everyone. It is also in their parents' nature to worry about their children's futures and their own survival in this period. Almost everyone agrees that, although often extremely difficult, open communication can smooth the process.
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Adolescence is a time of trying on and choosing in all aspects of life. Two major aspects of adult identity formation will be choice of work and choice of a partner to love. Teenagers look for and imitate role models. They critically examine their family members (as they did in elementary school), peers, teachers, and all the other heroes and anti-heroes the culture offers from rock musicians and movie stars, to ball players and politicians, to grandparents and peers' older brothers and sisters. They idolize and devalue people, ideas, and religious concepts. They often bond tightly with peers in small groups that are intolerant of all outsiders. They vacillate between criticism of others and harsh self-criticism. They are sometimes supremely self-confident and often in the depths of despair about their abilities and future success. If normal adolescence involves a crisis in identity, it stands to reason that [[adopted]] teenagers will face additional complications because of what some have called "genealogical bewilderment" (Sants). The fact that the adoptee has two sets of parents raises more complicated questions about ancestral history now that intellectual development has assumed adult proportions. The search for possible identification figures may cause the adolescent to fantasize more about birth parents, become interested in specific facts about birth relatives, or wish to search for or meet them.
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Although all [[adopted]] adolescents have to struggle to integrate their fantasies and future goals with their actual potential and realities, foreign, biracial, and other cross-cultural adoptees (as well as teenagers with physical or emotional disabilities) have additional challenges. They may suffer more from what Erik Erikson calls "identity diffusion," i.e., feelings of aimlessness, fragmentation, or alienation. They may appear outwardly more angry at [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]], and more critical of what their parents did or did not do to help them adjust to their adoptive status. They may withdraw more into themselves, or conversely feel they need to "set off to see the world" in hopes of finding their true identity.
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Adolescents often express their reactions to [[loss]] by rebelling against parental standards. Knowing that they have a different origin contributes to their need to define themselves autonomously.
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According to Dr. Nickman, "An [[adopted]] son or daughter cannot be expected to be a conformist. If he is, he may be inhibiting an important part of himself for the sake of basic security or out of a sense of guilt or responsibility to his adopters."
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It probably helps a child to be told by [[Adoptive Parents|adoptive parents]] that they understand their son or daughter's need to take control of his or her own life, and that they stand ready to assist in any way that they can, including giving their blessing to a child who needs to "to go it alone" for a while. Of course, a youngster under 17 years of age might be asked to wait until s/he could realistically manage in whatever environment would be encountered.
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Return to [[Adoption Wiki]]
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Latest revision as of 05:14, 10 March 2018

This information has been directly taken from Child Welfare Information Gateway

Now that you have adopted a child and life is beginning to settle down, you may find your thoughts moving to the future. When shall I tell my child that s/he is adopted? How will s/he feel about it? At what point will s/he want more information? What will s/he want to know from me? How can I help my child feel comfortable about being adopted?

Whether children are adopted as infants or when they are older, whether they are healthy or have physical or psychological problems, their adoption is bound to influence their development. You need to understand how and why.

Learning about the developmental stages of children and what can be expected in each stage is important to all new parents. When your child has been adopted, there are additional considerations. In these pages, we will be looking at specific issues—separation, loss, anger, grief, and identity—and show how they are expressed as your adopted child grows up. Some of these issues will be obvious in all stages of development; others surface at specific times. The more thoroughly you can understand how your child behaves and why, the more likely it is that you can be supportive and help your child to grow up with healthy self-esteem and the knowledge that s/he is loved.

While the stages described below correspond generally to a child's chronological age, your child's development may vary significantly. Some children progress more quickly from one stage to another; others may continue certain behaviors long past the time you would have expected. Still others may be substantially delayed in entering and moving through new stages. Many characteristics of adolescence, for instance, may not even appear until your child's twenties and may persist until your child's identity has formed.

Ages and Stages

Adoption Parenting: Newborn and Infant

Newborn-and-Infant.jpg

What to Expect the First Year

The primary task of a baby is to develop a sense of trust in the world and come to view it as a place that is predictable and reliable.


Adoption Parenting: Toddler

Toddler.jpg

What to Expect the Second Year

Toddlers continue the attachment and separation cycle in more sophisticated ways in the second year.



Adoption Parenting: Preschool

Preschool.jpg

Adoption and Child Development

It is important to understand the typical developmental tasks and needs of preschoolers, as well as how adoption-related experiences may affect your child.

Communication About Adoption

Parents who project an attitude of acceptance and comfort with adoption are better able to help their children explore their own feelings and fears.

Discipline Considerations

The purpose of discipline is to teach, re-teach, and assist children in developing their own internal controls.

Adoption Parenting: Grade School

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Understanding Child Development and the Impact of Adoption

School-aged children go through many significant developmental changes. It is important for parents to understand the typical tasks and needs of school-aged children as well as how adoption-related experiences may affect children.

Communicating About Adoption

Parents who feel good about adoption, are comfortable talking about it, and can openly acknowledge their child’s feelings are best able to help their children do the same.

Disciplining Effectively

The purpose of discipline is to teach children acceptable behavior and how to develop their own internal controls. Discipline should take into account your child’s abilities, learning styles, and family history.

Improving Your Child's School Experience

Being adopted can affect your child’s school experience. Peers may pose innocent questions that cause hurt feelings, or they may tease an adopted child about being adopted.

Seeking Help for Mental Health Concerns

Adoptive families, like other families, sometimes need help to address mental health concerns. Sadness, anger, and behavior challenges are normal as children in grade school learn more about their family histories and come to terms with adoption.

Adoption Parenting: Preteen

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Psychological Identification

If your child has had several homes before yours, there is often a brief honeymoon period where s/he will try to be perfect to ensure your love. But soon the sense of loss, hurt, and anger surfaces.



Adoption Parenting: Teenage Years

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Understanding Teenage Development and the Impact of Adoption

Thirteen- to nineteen-year-olds experience rapid physical and hormonal growth.

Communicating with Your Teenager About Adoption

Adopted teenagers wonder about their birth families and think about adoption more than most parents realize. They need parents who are comfortable talking about adoption, who aren’t threatened or hurt by the discussion, and who can help answer their questions and discover information about their pasts.

Helping You Teenager Communicate with Others About Adoption

Being adopted can affect peer interactions. Teens are capable of more sophisticated understanding and discussions about adoption, but they can be quite narrow in their judgments.

Disciplining Effectively

As teenagers assert their emerging identities and independence, while also navigating peer pressures, they frequently will test the boundaries of family rules.

Preparing Your Teenager for Adulthood

An important part of parenting teenagers is creating the conditions in which they can master adult tasks and take on greater independence.

Seeking Help for Mental Concerns

For many adopted persons, growing up in an adoptive family involves some additional complications and challenges.

Adoption Parenting: Young Adults

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Postadoption Issues

Adopted persons may deal with a range of issues at different points in their lives.

Openness, Searching, and Access to Family History

Being placed for adoption does not necessarily mean an adopted person will never be able to contact his or her birth parents again.

Managing Adoption Issues

Most adopted adults overcome any adoption-related issues they experience during childhood and adolescence and are as well-adjusted as nonadopted persons.

Additional Resources

Several nonprofit membership organizations provide education, advocacy, and support for families touched by adoption.

Additional Information About Adoption Parenting

Openness in Adoption

Open adoption allows adoptive parents, and often the adopted child, to interact with the child’s birth parents. Openness can vary greatly from family to family and may change over time. Open adoption is becoming increasingly common, in part due to a growing recognition of the potential benefits of allowing an adopted child or youth to establish or maintain connections with his or her birth family. To support adoptive families in considering and maintaining open adoption, this information describes various levels of openness, potential benefits, important considerations, and tips for building and strengthening open relationships.1

Finding and Using Postadoption Services

It is common for adoptive families to need support and services after adoption. Postadoption services can help families with a wide range of issues. They are available for everything from learning how to explain adoption to a preschooler, to helping a child who experienced early childhood abuse, to supporting an adopted teen’s search for identity. Experience with adoptive families has shown that all family members can benefit from some type of postadoption support. Families of children who have experienced trauma, neglect, abuse, out-of- home care, or institutionalization may require more intensive services.

Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents

Adoptive parenthood, like other types of parenthood, can bring tremendous joy—and a sizable amount of stress. This factsheet explores some of the emotional ups and downs that adoptive parents may experience as they approach the decision to adopt, during the adoptive process, and, most importantly, after the adoption.

Helping Your Foster Child Transition to Your Adopted Child

If you’re a foster parent adopting a child, children, or youth currently in your care, you’ll need to help your child make the emotional adjustment to being an adopted child. While you may appreciate the difference in the child’s role within your family, children and youth may not clearly comprehend the difference between being a foster child versus being an adopted child in the same family. There are specific steps you can take to help children understand these changes.


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Resource

Child Welfare Information Gateway. A service of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Citation

1 While this information includes information primarily for adoptive parents, it also may be of interest to birth parents. Pregnant women thinking about placing their child for adoption also may be interested in Open Adoption: Could Open Adoption Be the Best Choice for You and Your Baby? available from www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/birth/for/