5 Children’s Books That Tell the Child I Placed How I Feel About Him

Each year, I give the son I placed for adoption a book that expresses my feelings for him. Here are a few of my favorites.

Kacey Bailey December 09, 2015

To me, the written word has always been a beautiful canvas for artwork. Whether it’s my own words, or the words of someone else, the interpretation that can come from reading and writing can touch the souls of people in a way that is difficult for other mediums to do. Of course, that’s the point of all art, to reach the artist and audience in a unique way. Written words have always meant more to me than other things, so when I placed my son for adoption, I found myself looking to books and music for my grieving process. As we approached our first holiday season, I knew I wanted to give him a book that would tell him how I feel about him. The tradition has continued through the years. Here are a few books that are my favorite.

(Please bear in mind that these suggestions should be approached with caution. Ensure that the adoptive couple is comfortable with this type of openness. I’m blessed in that my couple is not only gracious in encouraging these gifts, but they help my birth son to enjoy them. But I was sure to ask them before bringing these into my birth son’s life.)

1. Tummy Mummy by Michelle Madrid-Branch

The “Tummy Mummy” is an excellent interpretation of adoption from a birth mother's point of view. It speaks of a woman who is pregnant, who loves her child very much, but is unable to properly care for that baby. She is guided by an owl to a couple who loves a child they have never met, a couple who has love, room, and even baby supplies, but no baby to hold. Her guide leads her to choose adoption, and I love that "the guide" can be interpreted to fit the birth mother's individual story, whether it was a parent, a friend, a counselor. For me, I felt I was led by God towards adoption and towards my couple. I love that this book shows that love for the child comes from adoptive parents and birth parents alike. There's an ache that both sides experience, but the book underscores the message that it's worth it for that child, that the sacrifice is about love.

2. Never, Never, Never Will She Stop Loving You by Jolene Durrant

This book was given to me as a gift after placement. I bought a copy for my birth son soon afterwards. It tells the child that he has a mother who loves him very much, but also that there was once another mother, one who loves him very much as well. It talks of the journey of her pregnancy, of sacrifices big and small--from losing friends to giving up certain foods--so that the child could grow big and strong. It continues to describe the love the birth mother has for the child when she realizes that she couldn't be the mother and the father, so she found a couple that was ready to be a mother and father. She kept pictures and videos from her pregnancy to help remind her of the time when that child lived so close to her heart. The story demonstrates nothing but love and helps the child understand that's why she chose adoption. Just because the child is not being raised by her, he is being loved by her, always.

3. The Best For You by Kelsey Stewart

Once again, this book is told from the birth mother's point of view. (Are you catching the trend?) It's a more personal story of a birth mother and her journey of choosing adoption and then choosing a family for her child. I love this book because of how it emphasizes the important fact that adoption is about love. That choosing an adoption plan is about how to give a child what his/her birth mother feels is a better chance. Adoption is not about the birth mother, it's about the child. As quoted from the book, “Adoption means you have more than one family who loves you.”

4. Your favorite book.

I bought my birth son a copy of “Is Your Mama A Llama?” by Deborah Guarino. It's not adoption-related, but it's related to me. It was my favorite children's book, and I remember my mother reading it to me as a child. I love the idea that my birth son could fall in love with something that I love, perhaps attach his own memories to them. It broke my heart to let him go, to let him be raised by somebody who wasn't me. And while he has my eyes, I loved being able to also give him a part of my past and help him get to know me a little bit better.

5. A personalized one.

Websites like Snapfish.com or Shutterfly.com are great ways to make a personalized book for your birth child to enjoy. Whether you wrote your own personal story of love and journey to adoption, a cute poem, or a silly story that you've thought of yourself, it can accompany pictures or illustrations. Such a fun and personal gift.

Kacey Bailey

Kacey is a birth mom of five years. She placed when she was 21 and has since received her bachelor's degree from Utah Valley University and married her college sweetheart. After years of building her career, she moved into writing and found a love in adoption advocacy. Working from home where she can raise her family is her favorite way to spend her time. Since adoption has created such defining moments in her life, she spends her time advocating its benefits and helping other birth mothers in their journeys.

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5 Children’s Books That Tell the Child I Placed How I Feel About Him

Each year, I give the son I placed for adoption a book that expresses my feelings for him. Here are a few of my favorites.

Kacey Bailey

Jami & Rob

Lo & JJ

Hayes & Stefan

Monica

Claire & Drake