5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Tell an Adoptee to be Thankful

You may be in a position in your life where you are grateful for all you have, and maybe you’re especially grateful for your family. But that doesn’t mean that the person you are directing to be thankful is in a similar situation. Maybe they are grateful for their job, but not their family. Maybe they are angry that they were placed for adoption. Perhaps they are having difficulty reuniting with their biological family. Be thankful for what you want to be thankful for, but don’t direct others to do the same.

People who have experienced trauma, which is often the case for adoptees who are trying to reconcile why they were placed for adoption, may have difficulty during the holidays. Traditionally, holidays are a time when families spend a lot of time together, which can be great, but it can also be a reminder about a challenging set of circumstances that adoptees find themselves in. Choose to be respectful of that.

Each adoptee, and each individual for that matter, responds to their own set of circumstances in a way that works best for them. When trauma is involved, there are typically stages that an individual will go through in their quest to reconcile their situation. Some may be in the denial stage. Others could be angry. Others, still, may have reconciled their anger and be on their way to healing. Regardless, they may not be in a stage where they want to be thankful. Let them decide for themselves.

Inevitably, small talk will happen. “What are you grateful for?” you might ask nonchalantly at a Thanksgiving gathering. Your intent isn’t meant to be harmful, but you may end up hitting a nerve. There may be a trigger there that causes some level of discomfort for the person being asked the question. If they attempt to divert the conversation or become fidgety, take the cue and don’t push the envelope. Chances are, they will be grateful if you change the subject.