5 Things Adoption Reunion Taught Me About Myself

I wish I had more control over my situation than I actually do. The plain fact is I can’t force my biological parents or half-siblings to want to develop relationships of any significance with me. And that’s OK. It has taken me a long time to accept that fact, especially with my half-siblings, but I have been able to really let go and accept the fact that I really can’t control the situation.

When I found out that I had three half-siblings as I was in the midst of my search, I was ecstatic! "I can’t wait to meet them," I would think. We would hang out all the time, our kids would become close, and it would be great! But it was a real dose of reality when I finally reached out and received an angry reaction from one and silence from the other two. It’s been hard to reconcile for me, but they don’t want to hang out, they don’t want to know me. The feeling just isn’t mutual.

Rejection is tough. Nobody likes it. Why would they? On my biological father’s side, I have experienced a lot of rejection. He didn’t acknowledge his role in my birth at first, and though he eventually softened his stance, he didn’t want to pursue a relationship. My half-siblings had a lot of misplaced anger, as if I was one who perhaps caused their father to cheat on their mother? Who knows? But I have learned not to take it personally. They are just hurt, and I am the symbol they want to project that at.

Many adoptees, like myself, yearn for that blood connection. They are curious. They fantasize about an amazing reunion. But the reality is it’s very rare for it to turn out that way. I’ve learned through the process that it’s okay to be curious, but there’s no reason to try to force yourself on anyone. So now I just try to surround myself with those who want to be around me. Life ends up being much more fun that way!