6 Adoption Memes and Why They Might Be Hurtful

Using language about "growing in my heart and not my tummy" with a young child might seem helpful. But they did not grow in anyone's heart—they grew in their birth mother's womb. There are ways to explain adoption age-appropriately without erasing the very real role of their birth mother, and this language just has not felt like a good fit for our children's stories.

We all realize this is intended to be funny, but as a mother by adoption, I never want to communicate to my children that being adopted is embarrassing or shameful. In this meme, why is the baby crying? Because adoption must be a bad thing. Again, these sorts of jokes are nothing to be up in arms about—but are definitely in poor taste.

Parents have joked, when their kids are being difficult or acting up, "I'll just give them up for adoption!" I know this is meant to be humorous, but jokes about "giving up" kids for adoption because they are being annoying is hurtful and inappropriate. The decision to make an adoption plan and place (not "give up") one's child for adoption is difficult and never chosen lightly. Jokes that imply these children were difficult, annoying, or unwanted are not funny.

Abortion is understandably a polarizing topic and comes up frequently in discussions about adoption. The reason memes such as this could be hurtful is because the issue of abortion and the topic of adoption are entirely more complicated than this image implies.

Families certainly are defined by much more than DNA, but it is possible for me to celebrate my motherhood through adoption without minimizing the motherhood of my children's biological mothers. What makes this popular quotation or meme potentially hurtful is calling a mother's biological tie to her child "the least." Yes, motherhood is infinitely more than DNA—but this sentiment (and others like it) could be communicated in such a way that isn't also dismissive of the importance of biology.