It was months in the making, and now author and adoptive mom Natalie Brenner has released a documentary-style video about the unique ways she and her husband built their family.

In 16 minutes, Brenner shares intimate details of growing her family after a miscarriage as well as the road to adopting their first son. It’s a road Brenner admits was confusing and overwhelming at times, especially after she and her husband found out she was pregnant while they pursued a domestic infant adoption and suddenly found themselves on a single income.

“It felt pretty impossible,” she says in the video.

Brenner carefully articulates the bittersweet moments of being chosen as her son’s mother while she was 20 weeks pregnant herself. The juxtaposition and coexistence of grief and gratitude in the adoption process is one many adoptive parents can relate to.

“I knew he would always be hers in a way that he will never be mine, but he would also be mine in a way that he would never be hers,” she says in the video.

Brenner is the author of This Undeserved Life, a memoir released in September of 2017 that chronicles her journey through infertility, loss, adoption and pregnancy – the grief, grace and gratitude through it all.

You can buy the book about Natalie’s story here.