Adopting a Baby Who Was First Parented by His Birth Mother

So when Kristy contacted us when her baby boy was 4 ½ months already, we were surprised and had to make some mental and emotional adjustments to the idea that we wouldn’t be there from day one. But knowing there was a little baby out there in need of loving parents and a safe place to call home was all we really needed to know to move forward and see if this was the right placement for everyone involved.

My husband was more hesitant than I was. He has so much love in his heart and had looked forward to adopting a baby, but when it came down to this new situation of taking a child who had already been raised by someone else for the first several months, he was nervous and worried that he wouldn’t be able to love him the same. But within 5 minutes of meeting him, he knew the love was the same. He had him wrapped around his finger and never wanted to let go.

We were nervous about open adoption at first, especially since Kristy had parented him for over 4 months. You worry about bonding and attachment issues and, frankly, if she would change her mind and want him back the next day, week, or month. But from the moment we met her, we felt confident and calm about keeping an open adoption.

As we started our time together with our little guy, I thought that one day it would hit me and I would feel disappointment or loss at not having been there with him from birth. That had always been so important to me—to be at the birth, if possible, and to witness his first cry, his first smile, and first laugh. But I was wrong again. I have had zero regrets about our situation with adopting him after he had already been on this earth for months. Kristy loved him during that time and he loved her. Their time together was what was right for that time and he was supposed to come to us later. I haven’t had a single feeling of loss regarding our situation. For that I am eternally grateful.

Seeing my two boys together (from that very first day) filled my heart so much. I’ve never seen my husband so happy. People talk about the pregnancy glow of to-be mothers – they’ve got nothing on my husband in his role as a father!

After bringing our little Tyson home, there were still concerns over attachment and how he would react to changing homes, smells, people, places, and sleeping in his own room for the first time. But we took it one day at a time and I’ve been continually amazed at how quickly and easily he adjusted. We feel like we’ve always had him, and yet we love that he got to start life with Kristy. She needed him and he needed her. She gave him life and then made us parents. We are forever tied to her by that unconditional love of her mother heart.