Choosing to Place After Parenting First

She held him in her arms for 4 1/2 months. She'll hold him in her heart for eternity.

Denalee Chapman January 20, 2016

Kristy is not alone . . . but she certainly felt alone while parenting her son for the first several months of his life.

Life was tough for Kristy even before she got pregnant. She left home and lived on her own for a year, then met the man who would become Bryson’s father.

Their relationship was short-lived. Unable to pay her rent, Kristy began living out of her car, then finally traveled across state lines to live with relatives.

When, partway through her pregnancy, Kristy realized the baby she was carrying was a boy, she was overjoyed . . .  her extended family was filled with girls and she would be glad to have a child to carry on the family name.

But with little support from relatives, that changed to no support, Kristy’s stress became unmanageable. She realized she wasn’t able to provide the life she wanted her son to have. Although adamantly rejected earlier, the idea of adoption took hold in her heart. Kristy would place her son for adoption after parenting him for four and a half months. The heartbreak of separation was indescribable. But the joy and peace that distilled upon Kristy as she gave her son a better life trumped her personal pain. 

1. Expecting.

Being a single parent wasn't frightening for Kristy. In fact, she anticipated the joy of becoming a mother. When friends and family mentioned adoption, Kristy would bristle at the idea. She was certainly capable of parenting her child! At age 18 Kristy had experienced enough life to know that it would be hard, but she felt prepared for the experience.

A beautiful baby boy.
2. A beautiful baby boy.

When the ultrasound tech identified Kristy's baby as a boy she was thrilled! His name popped right into her head. He'd be Bryson. Birth came quickly---sooner than expected, with health issues arising for Kristy. After 26 hours of labor, Bryson was born via C-Section. Holding him for the first time, Kristy was smitten. Oh, how she loves her baby!

He deserved the best.
3. He deserved the best.

Life got harder and harder for Kristy. Without support from anyone, Kristy was exhausting herself. She was being torn in so many directions---having to make a living while caring for little Bryson proved nearly impossible. The family she was staying with withdrew their physical support and Kristy found she couldn't even take a shower without holding Bryson. Her emotional health was crashing. All Kristy knew was that this perfect little person deserved the best.

They were the ones.
4. They were the ones.

Kristy was directed to the Parent Profiles on There were so many good people---all hoping to have a family. But Kristy's emotional state kept her scrolling through the listings. One couple jumped out at her, though. When she saw their profile picture and bio she just knew. They were the ones. They would be Bryson's parents. It was a bittersweet time for Kristy when her heart went along with her head and the decision was made. She would place Bryson for adoption.

Forever in her heart.
5. Forever in her heart.

Kristy met the couple, and everything went quickly from that point. She savored every moment she had left with Bryson, knowing that he would carry her love with him forever. They would be in each other's hearts.

A gift of love.
6. A gift of love.

Bryson became Tyson when he joined his Mom and Dad. Kristy lovingly refers to him as TyBry. Their's is an open adoption, sharing photos, Skype calls and letters. Tyson's parents have given Kristy the acceptance, love, and support she's needed to become healthy again. In many ways, they've saved Kristy's life. Kristy now reaches out to other mothers who are in a position like she was in. Her message is one of hope and love. When you place your child because it feels right, even if you're already parenting, you are giving him/her a gift of love---a gift no one else could offer.

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Denalee Chapman

Denalee is an adoptive mother, a motivational speaker, a writer, and a lover of life. She and her husband have adventured through the hills and valleys of life to find that the highest highs and the lowest lows are equally fulfilling. Book Denalee to speak to your group, or find Denalee's writings, including her books on her website at

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