To be quite honest, we didn’t know for sure if or when we’d see RW (LT’s birth mom) again. When we first met, she told us that she wanted a closed adoption but that she was okay with her sisters and parents having contact with us. She even wrote LT a letter containing what we can only assume contains an explanation to him and a photo of her as she had told us that is what her case worker asked her to do because she was so set on not having contact.
After placement, we (her sister and mom) kept up contact and added each other on Facebook and Instagram (thank heaven for social media). We took, and still take, pictures like mad and tried to document as many good and tough moments as possible. I knew RW would see the pictures from her family, and I wanted to do whatever I could to show her and them that LT was happy, healthy, and so very loved.
Despite all the contact online, we never really planned a visit. Tyson and I figured that we’d let them know when we’d be in town and hope that it wasn’t too overwhelming for us to arrange a meet up. That is pretty much exactly how it happened, too. About four months after LT’s birth, we had plans to go take care of some things near where his birth family lived, so I started trying to make plans. We let RW know via text that we’d be in town, and if she was interested in meeting up, we’d love to see her. We also talked with her sister, who jumped into arranging a lunch date. While arrangements were being made, our plans to take care of some other things fell through. I think worked out perfectly, though, because then we had an open schedule and nothing to get in the way of our lunch date.
The morning of our lunch date, I was incredibly nervous. I picked out a super handsome little outfit for LT to wear. Styled his short little head of hair. Lotioned him up with the most delightful lavender and vanilla lotion that still to this day makes we want to kiss him like crazy. Packed his diaper bag. Right before we left the hotel, a text came through. RW decided she wanted to see LT and asked if we could meet up with her and her parents after lunch with some of her family. I just about sobbed and quickly replied that we’d love to see them and we’d meet wherever she wanted.
Lunch was fantastic. I sat next to one of RW’s sisters and across from the other. Her grandparents were there, along with a handful of LT’s cousins. It was wonderful. We hugged a ton at parting, and her grandmother thanked us for sharing LT with them. I hugged her tighter and told her thank you for welcoming us into the family and that we’d love to see more of them.
We had a little bit of time before meeting up with RW, so we made a quick stop at the store, and while Tyson ran inside, I changed LT’s diaper. LT must have sensed that I was nervous and excited, so he chose to have a wicked blowout. I don’t remember him ever having one so epic. It ended up on the car seat, his pants, his shirt, the door, my pants, my hands. Yeah it was a poop nightmare (glad you read this far aren’t ya?) I had packed him an extra change of clothes, but I neglected to pack myself some, so off to the hotel we went. It delayed our arrival but gave us one heck of a conversation icebreaker.
Pregnant and have questions? We can help answer your questions by telling us what works best for you.
There was one person that I was worried about seeing: RW’s father. He wasn’t overly thrilled with adoption, and I’m pretty sure that he thought he’d never see LT again. We weren’t sure if he’d be okay with the visit, but the second we got out of the car and started to walk to the door, he came out darn near running with a big smile and scooped us up into hugs.
We spent HOURS with RW, her parents, and LT’s half sibling (who took quite a liking to Tyson). A lot of the time was spent outside enjoying the weather and them snuggling up on little LT. At one point, RW, her child, and I went for a little ride out on the golf cart and talked. There was never an odd moment or awkward silence. It felt like seeing a close family member that I hadn’t see in months. We ended our visit by going out to dinner. LT got his very first taste of applesauce that night. Sounds silly but I will forever remember that moment. As we parted ways that night, I knew this wouldn’t be the last visit.
Now that letter I had mentioned at the beginning? It remains in a box in LT’s room with his hospital bracelet, coming home outfit, and other wonderful treasures. I still have no idea what it contains. All along, I had worried about when the right time would be to give it to him. Now, it doesn’t really matter. All those questions he might have won’t be answered by a piece of paper. He’ll be able to look his gorgeous, loving birth mom in the eyes, have her hold him close, and hear her voice tell him how loved he is and how wanted he is.