A Guide to Creating Adoption Traditions

After each adoption, my husband and I have made arrangements for our other children to go home with family so that we can take our newly official child out on a special date – a nice lunch, and then a trip to Build-A-Bear where they make an adoption buddy. We have all loved having the break for some bonding time on such an important (and sometimes very hectic) day.

For each of our kids, we have had a custom keepsake made with all of their special dates – their birthday, the day they came to us, and their adoption day – stamped into it. Our sons each have a medallion that hangs on a ribbon around their adoption day Build-A-Bear, and can later be used as a keychain or other charm if they wish. For our daughters, the same information is on an ID style bracelet. They were each also given quilts by the Judge, donated by a local sewing group, which have become cherished keepsakes.

After the adoption ceremony and special outing with just mom and dad, we have held an open house for each of our children where friends and family to come and celebrate with us. We have so many people who have supported us in our foster adoption journey, and giving everyone a chance to come and hug our babies and tell them how loved they are is just something really great. Some of my most cherished memories amid this whole process are of watching our children play with their cousins and grandparents and friends during their adoption party and having the comfort of knowing that they were home forever settle in on me. Peace beyond compare in a room full of laughter and noise is just an unforgettable feeling.

We did a photo shoot of our kids in their adoption outfits and had a photographer come to the courthouse to take photos of our family with the judge as well. In addition to using them for photo albums and Lifebooks, we also made adoption announcements to send out in the weeks after the ceremony. Even though with adoption from foster care they had been in our home for months, and most of our family and friend knew them well by this point, it was important to me to mark the forever addition to our family, just as one might do with the birth of a baby. We included their birthdates, the day they came to our home, and adoption day in lieu of birth stats such as weight and length, and also added some details of the day. We now have a copy of each child’s announcement framed in our home.

We celebrate each year on the anniversary of each child’s adoption. Some people call this “Gotcha Day” or “Family Day,” and it’s a nice way to spend a little extra time focusing on them, talking about their story, and sharing what this day means to us as their parents. I have heard accounts from adult adoptees on both sides of this tradition – those who loved this growing up and appreciated the special recognition, and those for whom it brought up negative feelings of their past and made them feel too set apart. My husband and I have decided that each year, as their anniversary approaches, we will simply ask what they would like to do, if anything, and embrace however it may change over the years. As our children are still very young, any reason at all to celebrate is a good one, and I suspect this will be the case for a while. However, if at any point it becomes something they would rather not do, or if they would rather just being able to choose their favorite dinner or something small, we will do that. So far, we have celebrated with a “fancy” breakfast, complete with candles in their pancakes, family outings like the arcade and the zoo, and snuggling up to look at photos from their adoption day. My hope is that talking about their preferences early on will allow it to continue to be a positive experience.