noun: forgiveness; plural noun: forgivenesses
- the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
“she is quick to ask forgiveness when she has overstepped the line”
synonyms: pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, indulgence, clemency, mercy
Rebecca, an adoptee
Throughout my childhood and into my teen years, there were situations in which I, as an adoptee, felt anger at my birth mom for placing me for adoption. I felt cast aside and unwanted by her. As I got older, I started to believe that, more than likely, my birth mom wanted to give me a chance at a life full of positivity and love. A life she felt unable to give to her child. After I discovered who she was, and spoke to some of her close acquaintances, I discovered that she had a friend call the agency I was placed with. She did not fight her friend’s advice that she was not in a position to raise a child. After hearing this, I know she had my best interests in her heart.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” -Mahatma Gandhi
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” -Paul Boese
“When you haven’t forgiven those who’ve hurt you, you turn back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.” –Tyler Perry
However, there was another reason that I also had, and still do some days, anger towards my birth mom. Why? She was a chronic alcoholic and drank throughout her pregnancy. This caused me permanent brain damage and a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. My entire life has been affected by this disorder.
I have chosen to work on forgiving my birth mom as it relates to her carelessness. I keep reminding myself that, in HER situation, she didn’t understand a healthy way to cope with her life. She was an orphan, and then a foster child, until she graduated high school. She had been bounced around from family to family. Her own brother got to stay and grow up with her family. She was born and placed elsewhere. She coped by drinking. I try not to blame her. She was dealt a crappy hand. She may have known she was pregnant, but maybe she didn’t understand the effects alcohol can have on a fetus. So, as hard as it may be, I am working every day to forgive my birth mom for the choices she made prior to placing me for adoption.
Forgiveness can lead to healing, and healing can lead to forgiveness.
Faults: We all have them
One step at a time
Recognizes nobody is perfect
Gives someone another chance
Inspires love and trust
Values the other person
Experiences moving forward
Enables hearts to heal
Sees life through the other’s tears
Stop, breathe, and live again