4 Ways Secrecy In Adoption Hurts Your Child

The last thing a child who has been abandoned by their biological family needs is to discover at some point that the truth has been hidden from them. A child needs bonding, and when it can’t be with a biological parent, it makes it all the more important for his or her adoptive parents to create that bond based on love and trust. It will be devastating for your child to find out there has been a lack of authenticity in the relationship with you if you’re not completely up front from the outset.

Truth eventually reveals itself. It may take a year, a decade, or even longer, but your child will eventually find out that he or she was adopted. If you have kept the truth from your child and he or she discovers the reality, it is unlikely you will be able to salvage the relationship. Don’t do it. Be open and honest from the first day your child arrives in your home.

Many adoptive parents feel that they have sacrificed so much for their child. They raised their child, and they were there for the good times and the difficult ones. Eventually, when their child wants to search for their own roots, the adoptive parent may feel betrayed. Please know that from the adoptee’s perspective, searching for their truth is not a betrayal. They just want to know where they came from and somehow reconnect with their biological roots. They are not doing it to replace you. They are doing it because they just need to know. The secrecy about their own life is just too much for them to bear. Be supportive as best you can.