Well now, is that a loaded question or what? Sheesh! You just spent all of your emotional energy finding your birth family and hanging out with them, getting to know them. Now, in the back of your mind, maybe creeping into the forefront, comes the question, “Should I move near them?”
The short answer is: every situation is different. Personally, this question never entered my mind. I mean, there were those couple months when my cousin was looking for a new job ANYWHERE, and I told him to come to Albany, New York. It would be cool to be able to hang out more than once every . . . oh wow, it has already been 4 years.
Anyway, I digress. Sort of. This question was never an issue for me. I am married. I have a family and we have settled down in New York. We love where we live. I can vacation and visit where my biological family is. I don’t need to, and I don’t want to, move and call it home. My first home was with my parents in Ellicott City, Maryland. That will ALWAYS be my first home. Now my home is in New York. I created and became part of a history where I grew up and now where my family lives. I don’t feel the need to create another history somewhere else. I am often thinking of taking my boys and husband to Texas to meet my birth family. That is all it will ever entail. Suitcase, iPads, and plane tickets. Round Trip plane tickets. I enjoyed every minute with my birth family. It is just not home for me.
Now, there are those reunions where the adoptee is looking for a change of scenery, and is not opposed to moving near his or her birth family. This I imagine can be a great start to the new chapter in one’s life that began when you started searching for your roots. I can see how it can strengthen the emotional bonds with one’s birth family, because proximity would be right there. You can plan dinners, and lunches, and weekend trips together. The opportunity for bonds to form and strengthen is within reach.
I guess a downside could be the lack of space between one another. Too much time with someone, no matter who it is, can be smothering, and space can become one’s best friend. I guess this is no different than living near your parents or in-laws. I think where it may get tricky is with the unknown history of one another. Yeah, when you chatted on the phone for the first time, or even texted one another, you may have exchanged a few tidbits about your pasts. As you get to know one another, though, more comes to surface. If you move near each other, you may become more invested than you wanted, just for the mere reason that only a 10-minute drive separates you.
So, I guess it just depends on who you are, where you are in your reunion, and where you see yourself in the future. There is no right or wrong answer. Just what your heart whispers when it is just you and your thoughts.
For help finding your birth parents check out the new adoption information website.
