Things I Wish Birth Mothers Knew

As an adoptive mother, I recognize the magnitude of your choice.

Virginia Spence August 07, 2018
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Dear Birth Mother,

Your decision to relinquish your parental rights and place your baby into the arms of another family had to be the hardest thing you will ever do. The circumstances that led you to that decision may have been less than ideal, but regardless of the “why” or “how” this baby came to be, you made a decision that you believed to be in the best interests of your baby. You put the needs of your child above your own desires. As an adoptive mother, I recognize the magnitude of your choice. Here are a few things that I wish to tell you as I raise the child you placed into my arms.

1.) I am so grateful you chose LIFE for your child. We live in a world that does not believe that life begins at conception. The sanctity of life has been devalued. Even though all the voices around you may have said that you should not carry your baby to term, you chose to hold your head high and honor the life that God created. Yes, God created this little life, just like he created you and your mother. Psalm 139:16 says that God saw this little baby before he was born, and that he knew everything about his life before a single day had passed. God has a plan for your baby that only he can fulfill. Thank you for choosing life and entrusting that life to me.

2.) Our child knows he is adopted. It is a source of pride in our home. We tell him of the brave woman who carried him in her belly. We tell him that you were not in a place to be the mommy you wanted for him, so you picked us to be his mommy and daddy. We tell him that we waited our whole lives to be his parents. Whenever we speak of you, it is with respect and in a positive manner.

3.) Rest assured that this child is loved beyond measure. When I look at the bright-eyed boy sitting in my lap, I am grateful to God for the gift of him and for the woman who chose to give life and place him in our family. I don’t see a little, adopted boy. I only see my son, for whom I would do just about anything. He brings such joy into our every day. We do not take parenting lightly. It is a sacred calling.

Birth mother, I want you to know that you are prayed for regularly. We pray that you will find strength, peace, and a relationship in Christ as well as comfort in the knowledge that you did not choose our family by accident. Before time began, God knew that your baby would become our son. Your selfless choice made our dreams come true. We are humbled and grateful.


An Adoptive Mother


If you are unexpectedly pregnant and considering adoption, visit to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents.

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Virginia Spence

Virginia Spence and her husband Eric are the proud parents of two awesome boys who joined their family via domestic infant adoption. Their journey through infertility and into the world of adoption awoke in her a passion for life at all ages/stages, especially the tiniest lives in the womb and the women who carry them, and a desire to champion the cause of those who choose to adopt. Virginia desires to be a voice for adoption through advocacy and education as well as an encouragement to those suffering through infertility. Virginia loves to read and considers herself a coffee connoisseur. When she isn't writing or drinking giant mugs of coffee, Virginia can be found watching Paw Patrol and racing hot wheel cars with her boys.

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