When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. I am a nurse, and the baby’s father was a physician with whom I did not want a relationship. My life was in shambles and the pregnancy was devastating.
Early in life I had decided I did not agree with abortion. Despite the fact I was not ready to be a mother, I chose to keep the baby. What if he was going to be one of the people who change the world? I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I chose to end his life.
Because of the birthfather’s and my strong background in healthcare, I knew I wanted to find a family of medical professionals. People who were fun and down to earth, and who would let me stay in contact. Even still, I wasn’t 100% sure that I would be able to place my baby for adoption.
Through Adoption.com Parent Profiles I was able to find a couple many states away who were both pediatricians. They even had a daughter whom they’d adopted when she was a newborn, too. They already had a college fund, and had lots of time to spend with their children. At first I emailed them telling them about myself and the baby’s father, and that I wasn’t sure. They were nice enough to write back and put their hearts on the line. We developed a very close relationship, and eventually they flew us to their state to meet them.
About three months into our relationship and 6 months into the pregnancy, I wrote them to tell them I had decided adoption was what was best for everyone involved. It was the most peace I’d felt since I discovered I was pregnant. More peace came when we met in person, and they began to realize that I wasn’t trying to scam them. They started to get really excited, and to plan. I told them that I would let them pick the baby’s name. I sent them the ultrasound pictures.
Three months later at 3am I thought my water had broken. I called the family to tell them I was on the way to the hospital. It was my first baby, so I didn’t know my water had broken for sure until the hospital confirmed it for me! 12 hours later they met me in the hospital and helped to deliver their baby. The mother held my legs through contractions and the father cut the umbilical cord. They took care of me in the hospital. I gave birth 7-8-08 to a healthy 7lb 8oz boy.
Until I held the baby in my arms, I never understood why everyone said I was so selfless for choosing adoption. I felt like it was easier than being a single mother. Everything changed when I held him and heard him breathe. I could have held him forever and been content hearing his little baby sighs, and seeing his kicks instead of just feeling them! I breastfed him the two days I had him, because I knew it was good for him. He didn’t spend longer than 1 hour in the nursery his whole time in the hospital.
Two days after I gave birth.it was time to sign the papers. I was able to hold him the entire time, and to sit next to his new mother. I knew I was doing what was best for him, but it’s still the hardest thing I will probably ever do. The only way I was able to carry it out was a promise I made to myself beforehand that I would not let two days change a decision I’d made after months of deliberation.
I get to see pictures whenever I want. My little boy is happy and healthy and living a life I never could have provided him. He will never doubt where he came from. He will never wonder what I look like or who I am as a person. I will never have to worry if a little boy I pass on the street is the one I gave away.
It’s almost one year later and I’m happily married. We are talking about a baby next year and I can’t wait. Before this experience, I thought I never wanted children. Now I can’t imagine life without them.