Loving Yourself This Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day ladies! Whether you are a birth mom, adoptive mom, foster mom, fur baby mom, grandmom, stepmom, or Godmother, this is a special month for us all. I realize that for some, this day brings sadness and a feeling of melancholy while for others it brings great joy. For others, It can bring anger for not having what we needed as children. Whatever the feeling, I do believe that being a momma of any kind is ingrained in us as women and there is a need inside all of us that only loving and being loved by a child could fill.
On Mother’s Day four years ago, I was given a great opportunity to share a healing goodbye with my own momma before she went to her heavenly home. This year, I can remember the good times and I see her every time I look into my blue eyes in the mirror. I remember telling her that I missed her once and she said, “All you have to do is look in the mirror and you will find me there.” How true that is!
My relationship with my mom was very difficult for me. My momma carried so much pain from her unhealed childhood into the parenting of her own children and I sadly admit that I was terrified of her as a child and young person. Today, I can see the beautiful parts of her that never got to emerge because of her fear and unhealed trauma. I see myself mimicking her in many ways and today I can smile at that, whereas in years past I hated those parts of me. We share a great love for animals and for any living thing that is mistreated or unwanted in this world. I learned so much from her and realize today that she was right about so many things.
Of course, this wasn’t always the case. I grew up resenting her and being angry about the love she could not offer me. Today, I write from a place of hope and with a healed heart. I write to encourage anyone with “momma issues.” We all have them, I know. We all have them because our momma is our first love, or our first heartache if we feel we are not loved or don’t have a momma for whatever reason.
I write today, being a mother, a birth mother to an adopted child, and a child without a mother. I write to tell you that you are amazing. To love a child is the most magnificent gift we have been given as women. To love a child that was not born to us is an even bigger gift I believe.
To the woman who is suffering today, I pray that you know that whatever wound this day is bringing up, it is ok to grieve and to feel whatever you are feeling. It is very important to not pretend that this day brings sadness or a feeling of loss. Do something kind for you today. Even if that is just speaking kindly to yourself in your heart. I have found that the more I offer myself and my own inner child love, forgiveness, and grace, the more I can offer it to my children and others in my life.
You are beautiful, special, and needed. If you were not loved as a child, or feel unloved for any reason today, remember this verse in the Bible: Psalm 27:10, which reads, “Even if my mother and father abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.”
I also want to talk to the little child within you. To encourage you to offer her the mothering and comfort that she or he so needs. If you did not get what you needed from your own mother, or if you have wounded parts of you that need healing or support, know that you can start to love and comfort that part of yourself by being kind to it– by sitting and listening to the cries and the needs that are within. I have learned to do just that. Where I used to hate and condemn myself, today I can treat and talk to that child within like I would to any child in my life that I love and care about. It has taken me so much time and so many years of healing to get here and I hope to offer you some wisdom from my wounds today.
I know it is hard, but healing and loving the little child within will enable you to love the children in your life so much more. There is a saying that we cannot give what we haven’t got. I think the reason my mother could not mother me as I needed and the reason I could not mother my own children as they needed was because I was trying to give them what I needed but did not receive as a child. The cycle repeated itself and it only led to my children feeling like they had to take care of me and fill my emotional needs. Children know what we are feeling. We cannot hide anything from them. It has taken me decades to learn what I am telling you and so much pain, grief, and loss. I pray that something I say will inspire you to love and take care of yourself first so that you can be the wonderful mother that you want to be. Put on the oxygen mask first so that you have something to give to your children. You will be glad you did.
I have a vision to build a center for children with trauma and if you would like to read about it at Whatsyourwound.org. My hope is to build a place for mothers and children to heal from trauma that my children and I needed so long ago but did not exist. It will be called Holy Spirit House and we would love to have your prayers and support.
God bless you.
Happy Mother’s Day and remember to be kind to the little child within your heart today.