Have you found yourself pregnant unexpectedly, without a plan? Were you trying to get pregnant and now you’re not sure what you’re going to do? Are you feeling alone? Afraid? Unsure? Do you worry about what you’ll do for your baby, or yourself? Are you trying to find an adoptive family for your child? Are you overwhelmed by the sheer number of results when you search “find adoptive family”?
I have good news for you, friend. There is a website to help you. It is full of hundreds of articles on how you can proceed. Even better news? You’re here. Adoption.com is your one-stop shop for all things adoption-related. You think I’m kidding, but it’s true. You can find anything from parenting advice to how to find an agency to work with. Adoption.com provides information for you to make informed decisions about yourself and your child’s futures. There is information to get you hooked up with a caseworker, links on what kind of support may be available, and friendly people waiting to talk to you. Needing to find an adoptive family feels scary, but it can be much less scary with help. And help is something you will find in abundance at adoption.com
To help you find what you are looking for I’ve listed some links with some valuable information
Adoptive Family Profiles
I am not kidding you, I’d like to be friends with most of these people. Their profiles make them seem really nice, and like they’d be good parents. This web page is your one-stop shop for “ready to adopt” certified parents. They are thoroughly vetted, and extensive profiles make searching easier. With plenty of pictures and even a “recommendation” page where friends of the family can chime in with their opinions of the prospective parents, adoption.com’s parent profiles are an excellent place to find an adoptive family for your child. These parents have been inspected, received training, and are ready and willing to adopt a baby.
These people are the real deal. Included in the listings are photos, testimonies, and letters to potential birth moms. They have cute dogs, cats, kids, vacation pictures, and earnest, heartfelt pleas for you to choose them to adopt your baby.
Are you still on the fence about adoption? Contact trained support specialists that can walk you through the process, help you find the resources you need, and just talk to you if that’s what you need. There is a whole page’s worth of information on your choices on adoption, how to access resources, and loads more. There is a chat feature, a forum, phone number, and email.
If talking to a real person in real time feels like too much, the forum is a great way to start. If you think your question is a common one just use the search option to see if someone else has already asked and had their question answered.
You can talk to actual people about their experiences with adoption. Get feedback and ask questions from the comfort of your couch or wherever you are. You can message other birth parents or ask questions of adoptive moms about their relationships with birth moms. I’ve found answers to questions and real, raw emotions from people who are going through some hard stuff. From birth parents to birth grandparents to adoptive parents, there is room for everyone.
If you would like to hear about adoption from a birth mother’s perspective, I have some great news for you. There is a fantastic podcast just for that.
I can’t explain it any better than the description on YouTube: “For too long the birth mother voice has been ignored and in many cases silenced. In recent years, a movement has taken root to break the stigma and invite birth mothers into adoption conversations. Birth Mothers Amplified is co-hosted by friends and fellow birth mothers Muthoni and Emma. Most weeks they are joined by one or more birth mother guests to talk about adoption topics. Birth Mothers Amplified thrives on empowering the women who make adoptions possible and allowing birth parents to speak their truths and share their stories authentically. This video podcast is done in partnership with the Gladney Center for Adoption and Adoption.com.”
As an adoptive mom, I’ve benefited greatly from listening to these ladies and absorbing what they say. I’m ashamed to say I hadn’t given much thought to how a birth mother would feel if she chose adoption. I had imagined something like relief, not the grief and pain that these women are openly working through. I have appreciated their candor and raw emotion while sharing their feelings about their adoption experiences. I find myself feeling so differently about birth families than I used to feel. I understand in part now how difficult a decision it must be to choose someone to parent your child. If you are an expectant mother, I can’t imagine the agonizing decision you must be facing right now as you weigh your options. The ladies in this podcast helped me see the light.
My kids were adopted from foster care, which is such a different world than infant adoption. Since the children were removed from their birth parents involuntarily, the whole thing is so different. Even still, I am finding myself wondering if my kids’ lives would have been better if their biological parents had some amount of contact and my kids could have their questions answered. I wish for their sakes’ that was the case. Anyway, if you would like to listen to real birth mothers wrestle through their emotions, then this is an excellent podcast.
Other Resources for Finding an Adoptive Family
Are you still not sure how to find an adoptive family? Maybe you’re not sure if you’d like to parent on your own. Maybe your sister/mom/best friend has offered to adopt and you’re not sure how you feel about that. If none of the resources listed have helped so far, don’t worry, there are more.
If you attend a place of worship, the chances are pretty good there is a family there who would like to adopt. It’s not 100% guaranteed, and maybe this is just my experience, but every church I have ever attended, long before I had children, has been stuffed with adoptive families. You may already know people who are eager to add children to their lives. In my friend circle, I know so many people who have been so blessed by adoption.
If you can’t find potential adoptive families in your religious community or your own family, what about at work? Have you thought about going and interviewing an adoption agency? In some states, you can even post an adoptive family wanted ad. There are options. You are in charge of how this proceeds, so you should be the main focus. Deciding to find an adoptive family for your baby is daunting, important work, and you can do it.
Many of the adoptive moms interviewed on Birth Mothers Amplified shared that what helped them to choose a family was personal but could seem insignificant to others. For example, someone loved that a family had a dog. What is important to you? What would make you say “absolutely not” to a family? Coming up with a list of questions you have about an adoptive family is a great way to narrow the options down to a manageable amount. Some questions could be:
- Are you religious? What religion do you follow?
- Do you have pets?
- Do you live in an apartment or a house?
- Do you rent or do you own your home?
- What kind of car do you drive?
- How does your family feel about adoption?
- What is your favorite color?
- What is your favorite sport?
- What is your favorite Disney Princess?
- Do you have a favorite food?
- What is your favorite holiday?
- What is your favorite state?
- How do you feel about gender roles?
- How do you plan to discipline?
- What will an average day in your family look like?
- Will a parent stay home or will the baby go to daycare?
- How often will you update me?
- Can we have visits or just photographs?
- Do you have any food allergies?
- What’s your neighborhood like? Do you live in a diverse area? Is your community warm and inviting?
- What things do you like to do as a family? Do you want to travel? Play games? Learn new things?
- Do you have other children? How old are they?
- What do you like to do for fun, and will you share those activities with your child?
- What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy your careers?
- What matters most to you? Do you have great values?
- Why do you want to adopt? Will you teach your child about his or her adoption?
Obviously, craft these questions to your preferences. Throw out the ones you don’t like. Maybe you want to know about family history, genetics, and what the adoptive parents plan to do in the case of an emergency. Maybe you are curious about grandparents, sports, favorite animals, and thoughts on music. The sky’s the limit. Many hopeful adoptive parents would offer you a spare kidney to be able to adopt, so they are generally open to answering whatever questions you have. You can ask whatever you feel is necessary to figure out if that family is right for you.
Choosing an Adoption Agency
Adoption.com also has some advice on choosing an adoption agency. Look through these links to see what you need to know before you start the process.
Here are some guidelines to consider when selecting an adoption agency to work with
There are some ideas on what you should ask, and what warning signs you should look out for to make sure the agency is on the up and up. Unfortunately, in the adoption world, there are agencies that aren’t what they say they are. By asking good questions, you can make sure you don’t get involved with one of them.
This article gives some advice for choosing an adoptive family, including some things you might not have considered yet.
Here are some great articles to help you find an adoptive family for your baby.
Finally, this article walks you through the entire general process of adoption, from the moment you start weighing your decisions to life after adoption.
What is Right for You and Your Child?
There are literally thousands of articles, ideas, and thoughts on what the “right” situation is for a child. Ultimately it will be up to you and your family what you decide. There will be many decisions to make about how you find an adoptive family for your child. Maybe by the time you’re done, you’ll decide that you’ll parent on your own. It is up to you.
Now you have the job of digging through the information and seeing what you agree with and what you think is garbage. The great thing about this process is how much control you have in making decisions. If you are healthy, taking care of yourself and your baby, and live in a clean, safe place, you will get to make all of the decisions moving forward. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and dig further if the answers don’t meet your needs. Don’t let yourself be intimidated, or coerced. You can do this. You can find an adoptive family for your child if that is what you decide. You can parent if that’s what you decide. You are absolutely capable of doing the right thing for yourself and your baby.Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.