My Adoption Wishes for 2016

Want to feel utterly hopeless? Go talk to someone outside of the adoption triad about birth parents—I bet that you will hear some disheartening (and totally inaccurate) stereotypes and “Lifetime” movie stories.

In 2016, let’s bash those false perceptions and use our privileges as adoption advocates to humanize and love on all of the birth parents out there. Join a group, listen to stories, and love, love, love. And if you are lucky enough to have access to a birth parent in your immediate family, include them more often in your days. Even a little thing like a text with a picture of the child they placed can make a huge difference.

(Above is a picture of me and my daughter with one of our favorite birth parents!)

So many of us have open adoptions, they are recommended as the most helpful and healthful for all members of the triad—so why are they such a shock and surprise to those outside of the adoption community?

In 2016, let’s talk about open adoption. Let’s brag about our open adoptions. Let’s encourage all of those around us to honor adoption commitments and contracts. Open adoptions are not just a baby-stealing movie of the week waiting to happen—they are healing for our children and their birth parents.

It takes a small amount of effort and makes a huge difference. No more “gave up,” that momma placed her baby in your arms for adoption. And speaking of her, she is your child’s birth mother, not yours. You may love her like your own, but she doesn’t belong to you. And if she hasn’t placed that baby in your arms? She is an expectant parent who may or may not choose to place. And if she doesn’t place? She is choosing to parent, and we celebrate that because she has made a tough choice that was solely hers to make.

We should support them with legislation promoting access to maternity and paternity leave, infant and postpartum health care, and education for all involved. I hope for more understanding for all members of the adoption triad—from the cranky relative who just doesn’t understand why you would want “someone else’s” baby, to the writers on television who just can’t get past the “not my real dad” story arc. This can be the year we include all mothers, not just the ones who parent, and bring understanding and help to all the kids out there, no matter their family style.

Five things. Not huge, but doable, I think. What did I miss? What would you add? Comment below with your adoption wish list for next year!