Open Adoption Will Not Work, or Will It? Part 1

Facing your fears when considering open adoption.

Crystal Perkins August 11, 2014
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heartTo be honest with you, I believed open adoption was a bad idea. It couldn’t work. Having an open relationship with the birth family would only confuse the child. The birth family would know our last name and where we lived. They could just drop by whenever they wanted. Would they help to raise our child? Would they call me all the time, asking how the baby was doing? Would there be respectable boundaries?

The idea of open adoption scared me to death. Open adoption worked for some families, but it was not going to work for us. There were too many “unknowns” and “what ifs.” The real, honest truth was that open adoption would interfere with us raising our child. It would only complicate things and make life difficult. Yes, we were thinking of our child. We wanted to protect her. We wanted what was best.

Eventually we began to realize just how uneducated we were on open adoption. We began to realize how selfish our thinking was. For our second adoption we wanted to go with a Christian agency. After a day of making phone calls and visiting numerous websites, I realized most Christian agencies only facilitated open adoptions. If you did not agree to openness, then you would not be accepted to adopt.

After a lot of praying and talking, my husband and I decided to go with a Christian agency that only offered open adoption. We felt inspired to go with the agency we chose. I admit we were scared. We were uncertain of our decision. Something kept pulling us to the agency.

Our agency had a lot of requirements to meet before we could be approved. One requirement was to attend two seminars. These seminars were conducted by our agency, and other adopting couples attended. During these seminars we started to become more educated on open adoption. My husband and I were able to talk to other couples who shared our same fears. We also talked to other couples who had already adopted and had open relationships with their birth families. What we soon understood was that these couples once had our fears too. Their stories were so inspiring and comforting. Open adoption seemed to work for them.

Would it work for us too?

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Crystal Perkins

Crystal is the content manager for Adoption.com. In her free time, she enjoys honing her outdoor photography skills, going on hikes, and hanging out with her husband.


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