Stories Told Through the Eyes of a Birth Mother

Making the decision to place.

Crystal Perkins January 22, 2014
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Age 21

She just found out her boyfriend of nine months was seeing someone else. Not only that, the “someone else” was pregnant TOO! How dare he! She packed up her things and hit the road. She moved into an efficiency apartment.

She was scared and all alone. There were complications with the pregnancy. She had support from family and friends … but not the kind she needed.

Adoption was an option that was introduced to her, but she was unsure. Six months into the pregnancy she decided she had to do something. She called a place in Texas and talked to a wonderful lady.

She made the decision.

She packed up her things and moved to Texas. Her parents helped her move. She was scared and cried all alone in her room. There were many other girls at this place in Texas just like her. She spent Christmas and her birthday without friends and family.

January 6th, a 7 lb. 2 oz. baby boy arrived! She held him so tight. She visited him often. The nurses wouldn’t let her feed him, but still she got to hold him and watch him sleep. She called him Anthony Brent. The parents she picked out were a young couple. They had already adopted before, and they were Methodist. She felt secure in knowing they would be the right couple. Their pictures were wonderful and their profile amazing– just what she wanted for her firstborn.

Her grandmother and aunt visited Anthony Brent. They agreed he was most precious. She knew she had to do it. She had to let go. This was the ultimate sacrifice– all for the love of her child.

Her mother came January 13th for “that day.” She sat in the judge’s chambers, her hand in her mother’s. She agreed with all he had to say and signed those papers. They boarded a plane later that afternoon. She cried the whole way home.

She struggled with her decision for many months. She even tried to enter the window of death. After months of help and support, she finally understood. The decision wasn’t the wrong one; it was made out of selfless love.

She remembers that day like it was yesterday, but is confident she did the right thing. Anthony Brent will be nine soon. She hasn’t heard anything or seen a picture of him since he turned one. She writes that place in Texas once a year in hopes that there will be something to share. But as in years previous, nothing from them.

She still feels confident in her decision. He is getting the life he deserves, the life she couldn’t give him. He must be happy … he must be. No news is usually good news right?

Age 27

This time not only abandoned … but violated.

She trusted someone she thought she knew. This man lied and betrayed her. And he left one day when she was at work. He took her money and ran. They searched for him with an old credit card receipt only to find this man had been deceased. Stolen identity!

She panicked and feared all the worse. She contemplated abortion, but it wasn’t for her. You see, she isn’t against abortion … that is a woman’s choice … but it just didn’t feel right for her.

She was about five months pregnant, at home for Christmas, and surrounded by love. She has one little boy from her previous marriage. Barely making it alone! She saw her sisters with their husbands. Their kids all around. Look at how happy they are … secure with love. How can she do this? She knew she couldn’t. She felt the baby move within her and she just knew.

She made her decision.

With much dismay not all were happy, but she knew in her heart she had to do it. There had been no money since the business she worked for went under … how could she raise yet another?

The ones that judged her were the ones she needed most, but they will never understand her decision. They were happily married, secured with love … what did she have to offer?

Sure she had love and faith, but those two alone don’t pay! As she drove home she cried the whole way. She thought of ways to change her decision. She looked in the rear-view mirror and saw her four-year-old … she knew she had to do it. Someday he would understand, she told herself. But she had to do it.

She had to do it not only for the life inside of her, but for the child with her. She called a place in New Jersey. She was still thinking of ways out of this decision. They asked her to come see them at their office. She drove four hours for advice and comfort.

They didn’t pressure her. They didn’t tell her she had to do it. They showed her options. She was happy she had someone who understood.

In November she moved to be closer to the adoption place in New Jersey. She visited often. She was given profiles to look over of parents. One couple in particular jumped out at her. They were from Boston. A very happy couple just wanting to fill their hearts with the child they couldn’t have.

This was the couple!

April 29th, a beautiful, 6 lb. 2 oz. baby girl was born. She would call her Allee. She held her close and told her she loved her.

May 5th was the day. A day to remember. She wasn’t going to meet the parents, but decided last minute she had to.

They walked into the room … tears started to flow. Not only from her, but also from all that were in that room. They sat and talked for what seemed like forever. She walked out the door holding her baby daughter.

She kissed her Allee on the forehead and said she was doing this for her and that she loved her.

She walked in that room with the baby held close. She said to the mother, “Here is your daughter.”

They told her they loved the name Allee, but already chosen Lily. She knew that was the perfect name for their daughter. She gets continued updates on her precious Lily. She is confident her decision was made all for the love of her child.

Many people have judged her for the decisions she made. Usually she just ignores them. She did the best for her babies, and she will never regret it for one second. The ones that judge her will never understand until they have lived it. No one can judge another for doing a deed of pure, selfless love– all for the love of a child.

She sits here today and wonders about the person reading her story. Does this person understand? Does this person judge her? Does this person see her as being bad because she gave, not only one child, but two children away?

Then she thinks, what if the person reading this couldn’t have children? What if the person reading this tried every possible way to conceive a child and just couldn’t? What would the reader do then? Would the reader consider adoption? Probably so … and where would that adopted child come from?

Someone like her– a birth mother.

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Crystal Perkins

Crystal is the content manager for Adoption.com. In her free time, she enjoys honing her outdoor photography skills, going on hikes, and hanging out with her husband.


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