The last few days have been a time of lows and a high, and I was not in any condition to do an upbeat blog. So here is my realistic take on my life right now.
Let’s start with the high. My grandson who has been staying with us for about 18 months, took his final high school exam, finishing only three months behind his classmates. After years of bullying, he came to us to finish his diploma online. With the help of one caring teacher (among many), he finished on a high note. That piece of paper should be here soon. Hard work paid off! Congrats to him. Yeah! He will be staying a bit longer hoping to get a full-time job to finance college.
The lows revolve around my oldest child, whose marriage has been topsy-turvy for a few years. In the last few weeks, over 500 texts between the spouse and another person lit the fire. In this age of texts, there is no hiding anything. Being stupid is just that: being stupid. This sounds so familiar to me. Many years ago, the father of my children chose another woman and drugs over our family ,and we started over back in Ohio. It was tough at first, but my mom was there to offer support (that I took), and I thought we did ok.
What does all this have to do with adoption? My child is my child. I was thaye adopted child of my mom. It makes no difference when your child is hurting–you do what you can and try not to give off negative vibes. To this day, I can remember my mom standing outside her house as we pulled up (in Ohio) after driving from California with three kids (ages 6, 4, and 1 1/2), a dog, and 2 birds. I think her tears were mostly relief that we made it. It wasn’t easy living under the same roof, but it was just what I needed. We only stayed a short time before getting an apartment, but her being there was my one constant. I hope I can do the same for my child. There are differences: The only child still at home is already here and so is my husband. My mom was a widow who did whatever she could for us. I’ll do the same if I can, but I have a husband and a home-based business that both need my attention.
It is so hard not to take sides; the toxic texts tell the story. Once said (or texted) the accusation is part of history. In my day, we fought face to face. I’ll never forget my ex-husband saying to me, “At least my mom is my mom and she wanted me. You are just a throwaway.” The reaction was exactly what he hoped for, I’m sure. Now that he has passed, it’s only a memory that dims a bit with time, but life-changing events do make a lasting impression.
So as I left Church early today in tears and asked God for help (from the car), this is my reality right now. I’m about the same age as my mom when we descended on her. I only had a few years invested my marriage. My child has over 23 years in and the general confidence is waning, leaving her feeling totally alone among the trees of life. Please say a prayer for all of us.