As is true with most couples, the infertility roller coaster was painful for both Whitney and Spencer. But most of Spencer’s pain came in seeing the turmoil his wife was experiencing.
“Infertility made me feel ugly,” says Whitney. “I felt ugly on the outside because my body was broken. Deep down I knew that my femininity and worth as a person was not tied to my ability to carry a baby. However, there is something about being unable to do something that comes so naturally, even effortlessly, for some that makes you feel like less of a human.
"I felt ugly on the inside because I struggled with feelings of jealousy. Any time a friend or family member would announce their pregnancy, it was like a kick to the stomach. I was happy for them and I didn’t begrudge them any of the joy they were experiencing. But at the same time, I was so devastated for myself. It sometimes took everything in me to put a smile on my face and then count down the minutes until I could excuse myself to go home and cry. I hated feeling this way. I’d never considered myself a bitter person and it killed me that my knee-jerk reaction to someone else’s good news was to burst into tears.”