May 11, 2018
Last fall I bought a 23andMe DNA for my wife as an anniversary gift. In March (about 7 weeks ago)she and her birth mother made first contact. We spent a lot of time chatting on the phone and skype. Then she came with her partner to visit and everything changed. They've been gone about 10 days and our house is now on the market and all of our things are being sold. My wife is moving in with her mom (in a different state) and I'm left out in the cold. She says that she just doesn't care about anything other than being with her mom. She doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore, this is her entire life now. They won't engage with me at all and I just can't understand what I've done to make them hate me so much. No one has spoken to me or told me any reasons. I don't know what to do now. I am trying so hard to be understanding, but how can she throw away our marriage for something that she does not yet know? I would never try to come in between them, I just wanted some time with her too. I have tried to be supportive and I still do. I make myself scarce when they are talking and try not be pushy with any questions or demands, but I'm afraid my marriage is over. What do I do?

February 21, 2018
This is my story (the short, 1,000 word version). I've published it on my own personal blog, so I will just link it here so as not to have the content showing up in two separate places on the web. For context, my son is now eight years old. Though it is an open adoption, the pain and trauma of this experience has led me to stop visiting all together. We will reconnect when he is 18, if he wants to. [img][/img]

April 18, 2018
Hello! My name is Morgan and my significant others name is Andrew. We are unable to have children naturally and are looking to adopt! We are on waiting lists now but have been told it can take many years so we are hoping to find someone willing to do a private adoption possibly! Thanks for reading and hope to hear from you soon! E mail

November 28, 2019
Hi, this is my first blog and I want to go straight into my issue. I'm a male in my 50's (who's always wanted the truth) in the UK. I recently traced my B/Mother and she employed a solicitor to say she didn't want contact. Whilst I respect privacy I need to know the truth about my B/Father; can I legally compel her to tell me? She lied on the adoption form about my B/Fathers identity….I took a DNA test and found that I wasn't half Spanish as she'd indicated. Any help would be very much appreciated.

July 12, 2021
Hi Everyone, I am new to this. My brother and I both were adopted separately by the same wonderful parents. I found my biological parents when I was younger shortly after I turned 19 years old. However my brother who is older than me, just recently decided to find his biological parents. My brother was born in Stockton California in San Joaquin County. His birthday is December 21, 1970. All we know is that his biological mother and father were married at the time and kept him for a short time, then they decided to give him up for adoption. My brother and I do know that they were over 21 years of age when they gave him up for adoption. Of course, my brother’s adoption was a closed adoption, as it was in 1970. The San Joaquin Department of Public Assistance in San Joaquin partook in the adoption through the San Joaquin Superior Court, through Judge John B. Cechini. My brother is nervous about taking a DNA test. I do realize that taking a DNA test may be his only option towards finding his biological parents. If anyone knows any information in regards to what else I can do to find his biological parents, please feel free to let me know. Thank you so much. My email is

April 23, 2020
This is my first time writing in this forum and my first attempt to verbalise what I'm feeling so please bear with me.. I am 36 and was placed in my adoptive home shortly after my 4th birthday and have always known and 'understood' the reasons for my adoption. After years of internal struggle, anxiety and depression I finally decided to actively find my biological parents and got my file from my local authority who handled my adoption. Fast forward a year and I actually stumbled across my half-sibling on Facebook which led to make contact with my only full sibling (I wasn't aware I had a full sibling) and another half sibling and both my biological parents. Some might say jackpot! After really positive reunions with all I looked forward to building relationships with them all, however after the initial meeting both parents have withdrawn. I have since developed an irrational anger, I understand having read my file, and spoken to my siblings, and in part to my biological parents about what happened. But I have this sense that I have been rejected again by them. I understand that they were unable to be parents when I was born, and I get they are still not able to be parents but I can't help the feeling that they should step up a bit more. I'm their child for all their declarations that they wanted me, loved me and wish that they had known me as a child etc etc but they just can't seem to think of me first. I'm a parent myself and I would give me last breath to protect my children or to tell them I loved them that last time. But even as grown adults 30+ years later they cant see past themselves. I know I should be grateful I had a wonderful childhood, an amazing husband and 2 beautiful children but why can't I shift this soul crushing anger and hurt? I want to move on, deal with the fact they don't want to be active in my life etc but it hurts, its like I wasn't enough to fight for as a child and I'm still not enough for them.. Am I stupid? Will I ever be able to just move past this? I find it hard to verbalise how I feel to my family, I try and my hubby almost gets it but there is just this sense that they just don't get it, am I making too much of this or am I justified in my feelings? I want to feel something other than deep routed anger, I feel I constantly have to squash the feeling down in fear it will all come out and people will look at me like I am mad! ***sorry for the rant!

February 26, 2021
Alcohol and drug addiction can become a major issue in life due to childhood trauma concerning abandonment. I never medaled with drugs or alcohol until I read my dhhr adoption file when I was around 40 years old and I literally went into a spiral down fall from there. The pain was and still is unbearable to the point I don't want to feel anymore.

Annaleece Merrill
October 20, 2017
What I am about to say does not mean that I don’t love adoption. I love it. I will always advocate for it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that placing my baby for adoption was the right thing to do. Except when I don’t. Because there is so much pain in my heart that I have not allowed myself to process. I am an advocate for adoption, I shouldn’t be so messed up about it. People look up to me. I get messages from strangers all the time, thanking me for being so open about my story, telling me how it has helped them on their adoption journey. My work in adoption has been incredibly rewarding, and I love it so much. In some ways, I feel like a spokesperson for adoption. But right now I’m recognizing that I’ve been lying to myself. I hurt. Every day. There are moments, especially at family events or when it’s quiet in the evening that I can picture so perfectly what it would be like to be a parent. I want to watch my little girl play with her cousins, and hold her in my lap when she gets tired or scared. But I don’t even know what she did today. I don’t know what new words she’s learning, or her favorite things to do. I can’t explain how hard it is to have such an incredible bond with someone, but to be so far away. When I visit my birth daughter, I feel a connection. We love each other so, so much. And the cost of that bond and that love mean that every time I have to say goodbye my heart breaks all over again. Love shouldn’t hurt, I’ve always said that that quote was unhealthy… but this love hurts. Fierce love equals fierce pain and sacrifice sometimes. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. I shouldn’t regret it. She has the most amazing life with the most amazing family. She has a beautiful home and she’ll never want for anything. She is so much happier with them than she would be with me, all by ourselves in my crappy apartment. I can’t give her all the stimulation she needs to reach her full potential. It’s better this way, and I know that. But sometimes I just want to hold my baby. I want to be her mama. I wish I had been good enough to be her mom. I wish her birth father had been kind. I wish I hadn’t been so young and angry and confused. I wish I had the money to provide for her. I get tired of reminding myself that it wasn’t my fault, I had been through so much and I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know how to be a mom at that point. I keep trying to shut off the shoulda woulda couldas but sometimes I just have to feel them. I feel selfish. I should never even think about how much better it would have been for me emotionally to parent. I feel like I’m betraying her adoptive parents (whom I love) whenever I think of her as mine. It should always be about her, and if she’s happy I should be happy. If other people look up to me I should be happy. I am supposed to be birth mom strong. I am supposed to encourage and lift others. There is a difference between focusing on the positive and completely shutting out the negative. That’s what I’ve been doing. I went in to see my case worker the other day. I told her I was doing well, that I’d had a few bad days but that I understood why and that I handled them, so I was fine. I didn’t really need to be there talking to her, I didn’t need help. The only reason I came in is because my psychiatrist thought I had borderline personality, but another one thought I was bipolar. Neither of them felt quite right to me. She ever so gently suggested that maybe I was holding back some feelings. Maybe it’s neither of those. Maybe I just have trauma from the adoption and before that manifests itself regardless of whether I know that’s what it is. Maybe I’m not as ‘fine’ as I say I am. That gentle suggestion unleashed the dam of emotion that I had been keeping inside for the sake of being strong. I sobbed for the first time in a year about how much I hate being a birth mom some days. I just want to be a normal college student, or a normal mom, but instead I’m stuck in the middle and all kinds of heartbroken. It’s time for me to acknowledge my grief. Here is where normally I would put a positive spin on it, and say that it’s all worth it in the end because I did the right thing for her. But this time I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to talk about how I’ll ride it out and be okay and come out stronger. It’s true, but I need to accept that I’m going through something in order to even begin to make real progress. So I’m just going to say that this hurts.

September 12, 2017
Hi, on the 13th September 2016, My children were put into care by myself voluntary (section 20) I done this due to being in an abusive relationship, my husband physically and emotionally abused me and my children. I had to ensure they were safe so I made the call, now there adopted ! I couldn't get them back due to mental health issues, financial issues and housing. I honestly don't no how to cope it's really starting to eat me up recently I feel all alone and sad the majority of the time. Please if anyone is in this situation I need to talk to someone thanks for reading