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September 12, 2017
Hi, on the 13th September 2016, My children were put into care by myself voluntary (section 20) I done this due to being in an abusive relationship, my husband physically and emotionally abused me and my children. I had to ensure they were safe so I made the call, now there adopted ! I couldn't get them back due to mental health issues, financial issues and housing. I honestly don't no how to cope it's really starting to eat me up recently I feel all alone and sad the majority of the time. Please if anyone is in this situation I need to talk to someone thanks for reading

September 15, 2017
I am an adoptee. I am completely supportive of adoption. Every person and every situation is different. I may not understand the reasons one decides to place a child for adoption, but I always support the decision. I could never place a child. I am selfish when it comes to my kids. I was not in a good position financially when I had either of them. I have never been able to give them all the things that they asked for or take them all the places they wanted to go. That aside, I have always felt I am the best person to raise them. I don't feel like anyone can love them, take care of them, or protect them the way I can because I am their mother. I recognize that is not always the case. I respect other people's choices not to parent. Despite my feelings as a mother I believe there is a tremendous amount of strength on adoption. The thought of taking a person who was physically attached to me for nine months and passing them to someone else is unbearable to me. In that position, that act would break me. It would end me. There would be no way to repair the shattered pieces of my former self. For those in open adoption, to see that child again and again would be like a knife stabbing me in the chest with every breath. I don't know where you find the strength, but I'm glad you do. For the parents who adopt, it must take great courage and confidence to raise a child who starts off as a stranger to you. I don't even like other people's children that much. I can't imagine moving one in and giving him or her the same love and affection as a biological child. Yet I know that you do because I was that child. It's not a charade or facade. It's real because I felt it. In recent years I have read too many stories of adoption wrapped in trauma and loss. What we need more of are tales of everyday people sporting invisible capes. I see you. No, adoptees should not be obligated to "give thanks" to their adoptive parents. They should feel thankful though. Adoption shouldn't be about sadness or emotional injuries. Adoption is about love and life and family.

musemoon
May 1, 2007
SHE'S FINALLY FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an amazing feeling this is :-) We are done. And it feels so good! Aria Elizabeth Serenity Hope!!!!!!!!!!! Is finally and officially my daughter! ROCK AND ROLL. I have pictures up on my Myspace that you can see and I will post on the forums in a few. The last ones in the group were from today. My angel was as always quite a ham and had even the court reporter in awe. It was a remarkable experience full of love and joy. I think the judge loves when they get a chance to do this. Sadly a lot of families were waiting in the lobby and I was told we were the only adoption that day in our courtroom, so you know they were for other types of hearings and well judging by the faces not all of them as joyous as our adoption. I remind myself again how blessed I am to be able to adopt my dearest little angel and pray that when it comes time for her little sister, we have the same kind of journey. I know that it is hard on birth mothers who lose their children to the system, I am sure it is devestating, but if Aria's birth mom could see her, I hope in my heart of hearts that she would be happy to see that Aria is a happy loved child....cause she is! On that note I will be calling Aria's birth sister today and letting her know that we are ready for another visit. :-) So here we are on cloud nine happy and blessed and thanking that Great Big Blue Fairy in the Sky for the best thing that ever ever ever happened in my life :-) Now I can focus on raising my sweetie, getting massive amounts of money for excellent work that I will be doing....exercizing the 20 lbs I somehow put on (sits and cries) but I will be hot again!!!!!!!!! I promise myself....oh and dreaming of Aria's little sister to come one day. I can't believe that I started this journal almost two years ago and it was just that a dream for a daughter and today that dream is realized, it shows that dreams really do come true and I believe that whole heartedly, you can manifest anything you truly believe in. :-) So....to little Indya, you will be home with us when it is your time to be here, until then Aria and I will be thinking of your with love and joy. You will be in our dreams. To my career, thank you for blossoming into a brilliant expression of my purpose on this earth. Thank you for providing for my family and then some, so that we can reach out and help others as well. To my family thank you for healing and growing. TT and Brad for getting pregnant and bringing a little one of your own into this world. Mom for finding your joy and purpose on this beautiful earth. To HMG....thank you for being there for our little family, I wish you all the love and joy life brings to you. To Aunt Bana thank you for being Aria's God mother and loving her so much and being such a good friend to me. To Aria....baby just blossom and grow as you have been doing, the world is yours...but um...you already know that. To all of you continued love and joy even in the rough times....it is always worth it in the end. :-) Here is my myspace page http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=122483386 Enjoy....I'm gonna go hug and squeeze MY KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEEHOOO

February 8, 2008
It is 3am and I can't sleep. yesterday my husband had a major heart attack. He is too young. He is only 40! We have children, he has to walk our daughter down the isle, he has to teach our sons to be good men. He can't leave me all alone. I am trying to have faith but I'm afraid. I can't by myself. I am trying but I don't stand why. why now. things happen for a reason. I believe that. people have told me and i realize that things could have gone alot worse. he was supposed to have shoveled his moms driveway out. he was going to take a nap. either cases he might not have been found right away. as it happened he was going to change and collapsed. i heard it and responded quickly but i don't know if it was quick enough. my 2 yr old was keeling next to him and tryinig to give him compressions along with me saying dad wake up. dad wake up. my 11yr old was there crying and trying to help with the baby when the peramedics came. i cna't do this. i want to scream. i am trying to hold it together. i know everyone expects me to fall apart because he is my rock. my skin burns. it hurts when people touch me. i want to be hugged by not by them but by him. i want to hear him tell me everything is going to be ok. that we'll get through this like everything else. but he's not here. i need him and i want him with me. everyone wants to help and i just want to curl up in a ball and be by myself. people keep saying what can i do. is there something i can do to help. it takes everything that i have not to say can you bring him home. if you can't then there is nothing you can do for me. i know that's wrong. but i can't but feel that way. i can't break down. i have to stay strong for my kids. i need prays. i need alot of prayers. i have to keep my faith. god can't do this to me to my family.

April 12, 2017
I am looking for my half brother who was born 11-1-1966 at OSF Peoria, IL and was name Gary Lee. He was adopted shortly around the same time. I have information about his BF and of course BM which is my mother. I am very interested in finding him and seeing if wanting to learn about his birthfamily

May 16, 2017
I was hoping you’all could give me some ideas. I've had many, but want to consider any new ideas before making a decision. Situation: In 1965 I was the product of a one night stand and therefore adopted out. In 2008, the mediator found my birthmother, but she refused contact with me because NO ONE in her family knew she had had me. At the time I was born, she was divorced with 3 children, and I learned she had another child after me. Well, in 2016, when the State of Colorado released birth certificates to adoptees, I got mine in the mail and did what 90% of us would have done, I Googled my birthmother’s name. Found out she, her first husband, and her current husband have all passed away recently. But I also found my 4 half-siblings (I’m still not sure how I feel about Facebook and it openness!) I guess what I’m really asking is for you to imagine that all of a sudden a person contacts you and they have the proof that your mother kept such a huge secret for so long and you wouldn’t even be able to talk to her about it. As far as I know, they know nothing about me. Question is two-fold. Do I make contact? If so, do you have any ideas on how to start that message? If not, why shouldn’t I?

musemoon
February 10, 2007
Well....after spending the whole night in the ER last night and returning at 5am. Momma, Me and Aria returned from our adventures in late night/early morning ER drama. Kiddo had another gut wrenching seizure! Today she is more adorable than ever, but last night she looked like her life just hung on a thread. It kills you to see your children that way, eyes rolled back in their heads listless body and other than a little eye movement, no indication what so ever that your baby is ever coming back to normal, until finally....they do. THANK GOD SO this means we will be seeing a neurologist and begin a battery of tests :-( I believe in my heart of hearts that she will be just fine, in fact I know she will....but we have to go through the motions. My sw did inform me that Aria was one of the most severely drug exposed babies they had had at the agency....news to me. Well...I would adopt her one thousand times over and over again, she is the most beautiful, loving, wonderful, smart and HEALTHY child I have ever seen and I would do it again and again! In fact as my little one is being poked and prodded (literally, with blood tests, a cathater...etc) she would wave to passer bys, befriended a homeless patient, a nurse (who was not ours, but would check in a and talk to only her ever hour of the 11 hours we were in the ER) a biracial family across the hall, an 80 year old woman, who would lift up her head all the time, smile and wave at her. We kept wondering who Aria was waving at and when we looked over we say the sweet wrinkled face of a very old, very sick woman. Aria was the light of the ER, in fact when we left we heard people in the rooms down the hall talking about "the beautiful little drug baby who had a seizure" She actually had two :-( last night. People would pass our room and comment "oh she is beautiful" It was funny and at 5am....an itsy bit annoying, but I was so proud of my little rock star. She only cried when she was being prodded, and eventually ended up with a 104 degree temp, which made her worse. We think this one may have been a febrile seizure, however, the fever began after the seizure started so we are not sure, but I am hoping it is, however we will have yet more doctors and tests and see what happens :-( We also cancelled her bday party til, next week, so that she is up for the party...as well as it looks like rain in these parts....so that's our update. On the sorta good news front. Aria's second seizure has triggered the "all systems go!" on having her classified as a medically fragile child (California is SO supportive with services) and I will be receiving the medically fragile rate....so YALE!!!! Here we come! I might have to fight for the rate, but because Aria's toxicology was so high at birth and with the seizures, it has added a level of medically uncertainty to her case which classifies her as a medical needs child. I have to go to classes for special needs...but I am really excited about doing this because I want to know what to do if she has another seizure. We had our second ambulance ride last night and I....I don't know I guess I would call again, it looks like she's dying when she has these. And they said that potentially the brain could be damaged and it's better to get immediate medical help....so I just stuck the state with another ambulance ride bill.....yikes. I pray to GOD!!!! I never have to see her go through that again. At first they thought it was a petit mal, but we finally realized that she is having Grand Mal seizures, just a different kind that the thrash about kind. I don't know what would be scarier, thrashing about or her kind where she tenses up her head fixes to the side and her eyes roll back in her head......oh boy I hate these! So that's all so far. Forever Family I hope you are having fun on your trip and that when you come home, you will be able to pick up your son. Thank you all for the bday wishes, I can't believe that when I started this journal I was dreaming of my child and today she is home and has just turned one!!!!! Nothing makes me believe more in dreams coming true than that. THANK YOU GOD! Thanks for everything.

January 11, 2024
At this time, last year, I took a leap of faith and started on a journey to find out about me. I was adopted as an infant. My adoption was a closed adoption meaning my file was sealed. I always knew that I was adopted, my parents told me at a young age. It’s not something that I remember being told, I just always knew… but that’s all I knew! We never really talked about it and I never really felt the need to ask. Being adopted was always something I kept private. I just didn’t want anyone to think that I didn’t love my parents like they love their parents. I didn’t want to be different! However; growing up knowing that I was adopted I did feel different, I also felt ashamed and alone. I don’t really know why I felt this way. Maybe because my story was different from my friends. Maybe because I always felt the need to keep my adoption a secret or private. My parents and my brother loved me beyond measure and I grew up in a loving home, that was never the issue! Being adopted was just always something I wondered about and it would come up in certain times in my life. It would come up in school when I had to do projects on my heritage or family traits. It would come up when people would ask me questions like why are you so short or why do you have olive skin. I would just make a joke and say, I got the brains and my brother got the height. Really it would make me feel bad about myself because I really didn’t know. It would come up when I would go to the doctor and I didn’t know the answers to the questions. I also never asked my parents about my adoption because I didn’t want them to think that I didn’t love them or that we were different. I always tried to make my parents proud of me! I was a good kid, I played sports, I was good in school, I graduated from high school and college, I became successful, I got married and I started a family. Growing up my family had problems just as any other family would have but that wasn’t the reason that I needed to go on this journey. My marriage has hit some challenges along the way but that wasn’t the reason that I needed to go on this journey either. Going on this journey had nothing to do with how much I loved my parents or my family, that love will never change! Now, in my late 40’s, I needed to find out the questions that I wondered about throughout my life. I needed it for myself! I needed to find out my heritage, my medical history, who I resembled, why I was so short, why I had olive skin, why I was a good athlete and many other questions, such as… my story of why I was given up for adoption. I needed to find my birth-family and if they were okay or if they ever thought about me! I wondered if we had ever crossed paths. I wondered about my birth-mom and I had many questions for her! I wondered if my birth-mom survived giving me up! I wondered if she gave me up because it was best for me, if it was out of love or why. I wondered what her story was, what our story was and if she loved me! I wondered if the stories that I made up in my head were true. I had so many questions that I can’t even write them all down! So I took a leap of faith and started on my adoption journey. On this journey, there has been many emotions that I was in no way prepared for and that I did not know I would have to face! If you want to hear more of my story… I will share in future posts.

April 8, 2008
OMG!!!! She called me last night!!! IT"S HER! I got a call on my cell and it's her! I couldn't get to it right away and when I saw the number I was like who do I know in this area code? DH was like it could be our son (he's on an away field trip with his class for a few days) and I was just about to call back when I realized that I had a voice message. I listened and it was her! She said that it was Diana and I was right! My daughter and dh both listened to the message. DH said he didn't care about the expensive phone call (we were already over our free minutes for the month OUCH) so I called her back. We talked from 6-9 (then I called her back so that the after 9 call was free and talked to her till 11:30pn) I guess I know where I get my talking gene from! LOL! It was so surreal! We are so alike. It reminds me of my best friend when we first met. The first time we spent the night at her house we stayed up all night going "Do you like this?"..."So do I!" and then we'd slap hands. It was like that! It was like sitting down and talking to myself! Amazing! She was so happy! She kept telling me that she'd always hoped that I'd look for her. She felt that was maybe why she'd given me the middle name that she had and also why she had always kept the Moran name apart of her name. Simply amazing! I still can't believe it! She told me that my brother and sister always knew about me and that she wishes that we would have found each other sooner. I swear I still can't believe that I talked to her. I have to admit I felt a little guilty. When we talked I felt bad because I would tell her something about my growing up and kept saying "my mom" would say this or "my mom" would do that and ever time I flinched thinking does that make her feel bad? I know my amom would really not like it that if she knew how similar we are. She would feel so threatened! As far as she's concerned I'm her baby. (I have to call her today! ...not to tell her about this but just because! I feel guilty when I think about her like I've swipped a cookie from the cookie jar and I know if she counts them she'll know.) I guess that's something I'll have to live with. I just woke up dh..partially because he has to get up for work and partially because I need to talk...like I didn't get enough of that last night! I'll write more later... Lori