I am an adoptee. I am completely supportive of adoption. Every person and every situation is different. I may not understand the reasons one decides to place a child for adoption, but I always support the decision. I could never place a child. I am selfish when it comes to my kids. I was not in a good position financially when I had either of them. I have never been able to give them all the things that they asked for or take them all the places they wanted to go. That aside, I have always felt I am the best person to raise them. I don't feel like anyone can love them, take care of them, or protect them the way I can because I am their mother. I recognize that is not always the case. I respect other people's choices not to parent. Despite my feelings as a mother I believe there is a tremendous amount of strength on adoption. The thought of taking a person who was physically attached to me for nine months and passing them to someone else is unbearable to me. In that position, that act would break me. It would end me. There would be no way to repair the shattered pieces of my former self. For those in open adoption, to see that child again and again would be like a knife stabbing me in the chest with every breath. I don't know where you find the strength, but I'm glad you do. For the parents who adopt, it must take great courage and confidence to raise a child who starts off as a stranger to you. I don't even like other people's children that much. I can't imagine moving one in and giving him or her the same love and affection as a biological child. Yet I know that you do because I was that child. It's not a charade or facade. It's real because I felt it. In recent years I have read too many stories of adoption wrapped in trauma and loss. What we need more of are tales of everyday people sporting invisible capes. I see you. No, adoptees should not be obligated to "give thanks" to their adoptive parents. They should feel thankful though. Adoption shouldn't be about sadness or emotional injuries. Adoption is about love and life and family.

I am looking for my half brother who was born 11-1-1966 at OSF Peoria, IL and was name Gary Lee. He was adopted shortly around the same time. I have information about his BF and of course BM which is my mother. I am very interested in finding him and seeing if wanting to learn about his birthfamily

Hey, i am Alicia and i am 24 years old. I am a nursing mother of a 4 month old baby girl, looking for a parent or parents to Adopt her. Please reach out if any interests . (cee.cyndee25@gmail.com)[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/06/c7431a2a81919ad4098c0805653df353_view.jpg[/img]

I am posting to this site as my first real attempt to find my brother. I know his original first name was William(Bill) and that he was born on October 25, 1956, at Augustana Hospital in Chicago, IL. All of my life, I was told by my mother that he died a few days after he was born. So I never questioned it. Then when my mother died in 1982(my father died in 1959) I found a journal of my grandmother. She was actually my step-grandmother and not a very nice lady. In this journal, she states that my brother was given up for adoption to St. Vincent dePaul Hon on 12/08/1956. I did not believe this at first due to this woman's history of lies and meaness. After thinking about it, I realized that since we were Catholics, if the baby had died, he would of had to be buried and my mother and I never visited a grave. When my father died, we visited his grave daily for six months and then frequently after that. This lead me to believe the adoption story might be true. So here I am, the sister who has no legal right to the closed adoption records and no living family members to confirm or deny. I actually do not know for sure the last name that would have been on my brother's birth certificate, possiibly Villano or Crowley or ? If anyone who was adopted, looking for birth family member and was born on 10/25/56, please contact me.

Okay laugh at me if you want to especially if you read my last words in the last post. I think there is purpose behind just about everything and I think the puppy care was preperation so that I would know I could do it and so that we would say 'yes'. I have no idea where this little angel's case is headed. I have absolutely no information-very frustrating. She could leave tomorrow, or stay forever-no clue. I don't even know why she was removed. I only know two other siblings are in care, not adopted, and that the foster home could not take a baby but that the siblings are very attached to this foster home. I don't have time to write much just that we are in love. She has Eli's skin tone, but other then that their features are very different, though everyone thinks they do (whatever...kind of annoying.) I was told we were getting a 6 week old baby boy felt 100% at peace with saying "yes" immediatly even though in the back of my mind I have felt for a long time the next baby will be a girl not a boy. I called dh immediatly he was gung ho, gave myself an hour to think about it, felt absolutely good about saying "yes" talked with Eli's worker and made sure it was not going to jeapordize anything with his adoption. I then called and said 'yes!' That evening I came home---such a long story!---to a perfect 6 week old baby who was dressed in pink. I told BIL (very long story as to why he was there) "wait a minute this is supposed to be a boy" he said "I haven't checked out the packaging but I'm pretty sure this is a girl." My BIL was soooo sweet. He took care of her for me until I could get home. In my heart I feel something significant. I go with my feelings here and wow am I in love. I'm crying just typing this. Anyway she is an angel baby. She fusses only when she is hungry. she is already cooing and smiling. she has almond eyes, cute chubby cheeks, and a head full of soft curls-her t-shirt she was wearing when she came said "I love my hair!" Eli LLLLLOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS her!!! Well so far anyway. He is very sweet with her. He is a loving little guy. busy but loving and always has been. He gave her a kiss and he doesn't give those out often. He says "awwwwwwww b..b..b...". Translation "oh how I love you baby girl" constantly. I sort of let him hold her while I was holding her and he did not want to give her up. He sat for a good 10 minutes which is equivelant to an hour for him :) DD's think she is the little princess. The coolest thing is that we adopted a kitten from the humane society on the same day. I adore animals, all animals, I always have. Ask my parents how many strays I brought home they have several stories. Then there are animals that are special to me, this kitten, which was sort of going to be the "puppy" the girls wanted was not intended but we all knew immediatly she was for our family. Thinking about raising a puppy, its just not a good time for us, so we compromised with a litter trained kitty. THe girls have been playing with her and set up their room as a kitty palace. They spent all their savings (exactly $15 and change) on kitty toys, a tunnel, made a her 4 beds in various places... Dh went to meet her after we had lunch together as a family and he's friends with the vet who cares for the animals at the humand society so they let him take him immediatly. They are currently over capacity with cats, totally meant to be that we found this sweet kitty. She is a character. I'm more of a dog person but I LOVE my kitties too. So we got home from that and I received the call about the baby "boy." What a week. Wow have to run. L I had a bad winter taking care of two babies...and questioned if I could do it again.

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/05/a7d125982b7c8e74dee3e2e357790d6f_view.jpg[/img] I have a story to tell. It’s not a short one, but this is the beginning. I’m the inquisitive type. Stubborn. Both emotional and logical. At three days old I met my parents. My father wore a blue suit with a yellow tie. My mother laid me on her stomach in the hotel room and I smiled up at her when her tummy rumbled. She always said, “You may not have grown under my heart, but you grew in it.” I knew that I was loved. Always. A few times in elementary school I was teased about being adopted. “Your mom must not have loved you. That’s why she gave you up. That’s why nobody likes you.” It never bothered me. I laughed at them. My mom always made sure my brother and I knew that we were chosen. We were never mistakes. They prayed for us for years. That never stopped me from being curious. Where did I come from? What was my story? Did I look like someone out there? Do I have biological siblings? What’s the strength of nature vs. nurture? Did she care about me? Did she want to meet me? She’s like me, I know it. She’ll want to meet me. Prepare for the worst. Protect your heart. She might not be what you think. She may not want you. She might be a drug addict. She might be dead. She’s not your family. You have a family. Family doesn’t have to be blood. Family is a bond. Where does she live? I love you, daddy. I love you, mommy. You are my angels. Thank you for this life. Thank you for everything. Thank you for picking me. Thank you for loving me, even when I don’t deserve your pureness. I love you. Do you know how much I love you? Does she have my eyes? Does she want to meet me? Read More: https://sarahfittravels.wordpress.com/2017/04/28/adopted/?frame-nonce=d2d521d219

So finally today was the day, we are now finally able to proceed to adopt our little boy!!! It was mostly uneventful. I did testify that I hadn't had any contact and I was jittery because I don't think I've ever been sworn in and it was a weird moment for me I hadn't thought of before. Anyway it was a happy day for me, for the social workers, for everyone in the court room. But I will admit when the judge terminated Eli's birth mothers rights, there was a moment of sadness that overwhelmed me for what she will miss. It is what it is, though, and this is the choice she made and I am grateful she walked away for the sake of her little boy. She knows he is okay, thanks to Maya's mother's friends and that connection. I am forever grateful for that. Well now its just a matter of time. I've got to retain a lawyer and file our petition to adopt, hopefully before the week is over. I have all the information compiled and we've done it before. All the fun repeated fingerprints...gotta get the ball rolling. I'm not going to waste a minute of time. I needed this, Eli needed this. What a happy day!!!

My brother-in-law recently sent out an email to the whole family (there are 11 siblings in all) in which he let everyone know not to expect him and his wife to be having any more children (they have two) due to pregnancy complications, etc. He wrote, "Unless something drastic changes, we are done for now. Sorry to disappoint all you would-be aunts and uncles." Then he added, "Maybe someday if we get the funds, we might look at adoption." That last line pushed several buttons in my heart, and I couldn't stop myself from firing off the following reply: "Since the cost of adoption came up, I couldn't resist putting in a plug here for foster adoption. Of the 450,000 kids​ currently in foster care in the US, approximately 100,000 are hoping to be adopted (meaning their biological parents' rights have been completely terminated by the courts). Foster adoption costs VERY LITTLE to NOTHING. . . and these are kids (of all ages) who want nothing more than to feel loved and safe. They have experienced abuse and neglect and the loss of their biological parents and are now growing up without the love and stability of a family. Can you even imagine what that would be like? "Here's a beautiful 3-minute video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOqx4ggOJWc&feature=youtu.be) that can give you a sense of what foster adoption is about. "I feel like people are quick to brush off the possibility of foster adoption quickly, without really giving it thought, saying essentially, "It would be too hard." But here's the truth: These kids' lives are too hard. And they didn't have the luxury of choosing to say yes to the hard. It was just there. "I've never heard a foster adoptive parent say that it was easy (have you heard ANY parent say it was easy?), but I often hear them say it's worth it. I recently reached out to my friend about her foster adoption experiences (she and her husband have 7 children, 3 biological and 4 adopted from foster care). Part of her response included these powerful words: "While it is a bumpy and somewhat difficult road it is worth it. You will learn more about Jesus and yourself than you ever thought possible. You will get to witness miracles in your home. You will get to see that tough things really can bring glory to God in ways you couldn't imagine." "So I would encourage all of you - good, solid, loving parents - to consider foster adoption as a possibility for your families." ____ A few additional thoughts that I didn't share with the in-laws: It really bugs me that people assume that adoption "is expensive" before they've done any research. And, after I finished my rant, I realized that another point that needs to be made here is that any form of adoption isn't a choice you make because you happen to have $30,000 handy - "Hey, honey! We've got an extra 30 grand! Maybe we should look into adoption!" - It's a choice you make because you want another child and feel that adoption is the way you want to grow your family. Financing is something you can figure out after you've made the decision to go for it.

Alcohol and drug addiction can become a major issue in life due to childhood trauma concerning abandonment. I never medaled with drugs or alcohol until I read my dhhr adoption file when I was around 40 years old and I literally went into a spiral down fall from there. The pain was and still is unbearable to the point I don't want to feel anymore.

A very good friend of mine gave me some advice...really without knowing she was giving me advice. But it was exactly what I needed at that particular minute in time. She told me about "stepping back and finding the love of self to fulfill ones self". And in that one minute I got it. It was like a revelation. I am looking so hard into my relationship with J lookig for some type of "fulfillment". And when I was not getting what I thought I needed, it caused this depression for lack of a better word, this funk, that maybe she backed way off because finding me was enough for her. And I wanted more. But now, I am no longer going to look at my reunion, or lack there of, in that same light. I am stepping into 2008 looking at this as my self love and self fulfillment. Having J want me in her life would have been phenomenally great. Having my buncle and his family in my life, fabulous too. But my lightbulb above my head has gone off. And that is when I figured out that I am no less happy than I was before they arrived in my life. I am no less me for them choosing not to be a part of it. I am enriched with the knowledge that I have been given about my past. I am not angry anymore. I am not going to spend anymore time on what if or what might be. Life is too short. I am content. And for my friend who gave me this gift, I am eternally grateful.

Whether or not you are pro choice or pro life, adoption always comes into the issue. Adoption is not a means of birth control and for those who say adoption is better should be aware that it causes negative effects to the child and the birth mother. Abortion also causes grief for the mother and death for the fetus in a beginning stage of life. Birth control and sex education in young people is the only tool in stopping unwanted pregnancy. Obviously teaching your children to wait until marriage is a great idea, but in today's society it is not effective. Adoption is a lose-lose situation except for the hopeful adoptive parents. Infertility is one of the main reason for adopting and adoptive parents aren't always told adopting a child is not the same as having your own. Adoption removes a child from one family and places him in another and this can have lasting emotional effects. Adopted children have needs above and beyond biological children. It can be profoundly painful to the adoptee and to their descendants. These effects include : 1. The trauma of being separated from at birth will be present throughout every aspect of child's life. The child will experience the mother's loss as the psychological death of his mother. This is a life long trauma. The brain reacts to stress in the womb and after birth and wires itself differently as the baby grows. This knowledge is recent as only now are we starting to study the effects of stress during infancy. 2. The child will think about his birth parents everyday. This is true with knowing the parents and without in open and closed adoptions. When the child is asked who she looks like, what time she was born or who was there at the delivery room...all these questions cause the child to realize that she is different. There is a shame and stigma from past adoption practices in history that all members of the adoption " triad" must deal with. 3. As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage. He will not know who is supposed to be because he will not know his true origins if the adoption is closed or semi open. Not knowing another biological relative makes one feel like a misfit. The first relative most adoptees meet is their own child. The birth of a child in an adoptees life always brings the question..."how could I give this baby away"? 4. As current laws stand, the child may not have access to his medical history or birth records. This is being fought by adoptee rights groups and laws are slowly changing. Adoptees even well into adulthood are denied the basic human right of knowing who put them here and why. Women who have given away children usually have great difficulties in getting on with their lives and endure psychological problems stemming from the separation including: grief, relationship difficulties, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and secondary infertility.Contrary to popular belief these women don't go on with their lives like nothing ever happened. The same thing can be said for women who have abortions. So you see it is not an easy decision. Being poor, unwed, young or not having adequate resources to raise a child should not be a reason to abort or surrender. There is help out there for women to keep their babies and keep families intact. Guardianship, kinship placement or third party help should be explored with infant adoption as a last resort. If adoption is the choice, the adoption should be open which research finds is in the best interest of the mother and child.

Stepparent adoption is a common form of adoption, where an adopting stepparent is willing to assume financial and legal responsibility of his/her spouse’s children, and release the noncustodial parent of parental responsibilities. The process has permanent legal consequences, and will be a huge psychological change for the child, the biological parent, and the adopting family. As the stepparent adoption procedure takes place among people who know each other, the court may forego the requirement of home visits and adoption hearings. This helps quicken the process, and makes it easier for the stepparent to receive consent from the noncustodial parent. Here are a few considerations to keep in mind before opting for stepparent adoption. [url=https://adoption.com/blogs/5270/adopting-a-child-5-mistakes-you-must-strictly-avoid/]Adoption[/url] will bring a major change in the lives of the child and the birth parent. After the formal process is over, a legal relationship begins to exist between the child and guardian. Now, the adoptee will be entitled as a legal heir of the adopter, among other permanent changes. It is, therefore, important to consult an adoption attorney and understand the legalities involved. While some federal laws do apply to adoption, states make their own adoption laws based on their statutes. An attorney can inform you about the state adoption laws and legal precedents that can help you with adoption. If your current spouse will be the stepparent, then the biological parent needs to be aware that the adoption will make your spouse the child's legal parent, and also responsible for all legal rights and responsibilities of parenthood. Additionally, the child will no longer hold claim to inheritance from the previous family. As part of the adoption procedure, you need to present certified copies of the child's birth certificate, documents of your marriage to the current spouse, and the birth parents’ divorce documents. If the biological parent is deceased, then a certified copy of the death certificate will be required, otherwise his/her service address needs to be presented. These documents will be handled by your attorney at the preliminary adoption hearing. Post-adoption, the adopting parent may hold a claim in the child’s property. Remember to document the details in the adoption petition, and present them during the hearing. The certificates can be related to Social Security payments, land or tangible property, and trust funds inherited by the child. During the preliminary court hearing, you will have to file a form that reflects the noncustodial parent’s consent for the adoption. If the parent has approved, then the hearing is not likely to face major difficulties. The consent form relieves the noncustodial parent from all further child support obligations. A situation may arise where the birth parent might not be willing to cooperate with the procedure. Parent’s consent is of utmost importance, and the lack of it can obstruct the procedure. If you are unable to locate the parent, then the court might permit you to publish a legal notice in a newspaper. If the other parent still does not respond, then the consent is nullified for the adoption. [url=http://www.dlgteam.com/]A child custody lawyer can help you[/url] devise a strategy to avoid a trial. The process of adoption is initiated with a Petition for Adoption filed by you and presented to the court. You need to state the elementary information regarding your identity and the reason for adoption, along with details of the child to be adopted. Certain counties and states may ask for a Supplemental Petition with additional details – such as employment, previous marriage(s), military service, and other children’s details. Based on the details shared with the court, the judge will announce a hearing date for the petition – you will need to attend. At the hearing, the judge will hear the case to question the parties involved. Make sure that you meet with your attorney to finalize the strategy for the hearing, and advise about how adoption hearings are conducted in courts. The hearing will conclude with the judge stating a date for the finalization of the adoption. At this stage, a social worker from the [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services]Child Protective Service[/url] (CPS) will visit your home to conduct a home study to understand more about your family. The meeting is primarily conducted to help you prepare for adoption, evaluate the current capability, and the home environment of the prospective family. It is, therefore, important to understand the requirements of the evaluation process. There are multiple agencies that offer initial informational sessions or orientations to help you through the adoption process. During the meeting, the social worker can interview you several times to form a relationship with you and understand your family better. This will help him/her to assist you with the adoption. This is the final leg of the adoption procedure, where the judge will make his/her ruling on the adoption petition. If the judge is satisfied with the documents and the intent of adopting the child, then the ruling may be in your favor. The finalization hearing is attended by the adopting parents, the child, the adoption attorney, and the CPS social worker. The judge awards an adoption certificate issued by the court, which states that the adoptee is the legal child of the adopting parent. Once the adoption is finalized, you can apply for the amended birth certificate of the child to be issued. Stepparent adoption laws are formed with the view to provide the best home environment for adopted children. Although the parties involved are related, the procedure may get complicated at later stages. Hence, it is important to opt for legal aid and avoid potential challenges in court. This way, the court can ensure that the children enjoy good relationships with both parents. The above points will help you know more about the aspects that need to be taken care of when opting for stepparent adoption. ([url=https://pixabay.com/en/mother-daughter-family-park-child-1171569/"Image Credit[/url])

I have a question. My friend came over to the US from the Philippines with her newborn baby. She and the baby have been staying with me for a few weeks. Now she wants to leave the baby with me to adopt and her go back to the Philippines. I live in Illinois. She saids she can't finacially care for the child. I am already a foster parent with DCFS here. With hoping to adopt. But now she has thrown this wanting me to adopt her baby and she is wanting to leave asap, which means she won't be here when we would go to court. She has no physical address in the Philippines cause she lives here and there with different people. What should I do. I do want to adopt the child. But I don't want to have to deal with ICAB there in Philippines. Since the baby is already here in the US. She even has the babys birth certificate here with me. Can I just go through the courts here and do it without her. She saids she will sign what ever forms she needs to sign before she leaves.

Adoptions need to be done differently. Closed adoptions worked for 90 years, sure some people didn't like it. Now for the last 20 years it's been a trail to see if open adoptions work - sure they work for some people, but the majority dont work. What we are forgetting out of all this is the child. This Child is innocent and had no choice. The birth mother for whatever reason didn't want or could take care of the child and choose adoption - great now the child has two parents that love them. but now the birth-parent wants back in after all the screaming and pee and poo is done - sorry this is not a baby sitting service. These adoptive parents have paid $50, $100, $150k for this child so you really think they dont care for this child. They wanted a child bad enough that they gave up on a new car, new house, vacations, new shoes and allot of fun things to have this child. OK I know you are saying what do you know you just adopted a child - ok fair enough. But, I do understand as I was adopted as well. I understand confusion with the birth parents and hurt to the adoptive parents. So we really need to think what is best for the child. Is it open adoptions, sure those do work, but agencies shouldn't force people into that so they can make more money. Its greedy adoption agencies that profit in the end - that is it. Closed adoptions, they worked for 90 years, but not for everyone and than semi open, great alternative and gives you the right to close it. Or does it? There are laws in place that if a birthmother wants to they can get rights, if they can prove they are what is best for the child. So say this happens, the birth mother takes you to court you spend $$$ and the birth mother drags it out, is this what is in the best interest of the child? Who is being selfish here? if the birth mother really wanted what was best for the child than she would let them live there lives. So i know allot of people who dont understand adoption will have there say, but that is the issue. people dont understand adoption. Our society needs to be educated properly. I've head through out my left from people, family, and others many things and it hurts Oh your not blood, so your not really part of the family. Oh you are adopted that explains it, you not really part of the family, who are your real parents. All stupid questions. My parents are the ones that raised me and this is my family. You marry into a family, you arent blood, but you are apart of the family. The word Adoption needs to be looked at in a different way. Sorry just because we are adopted doesn't change who we are. So if you give up a child - let that child have the best life possible. If you adopt, give the child the best life possible and if you are adopted - live life to its best, care for the people who adoptive you as they are your parents. If you feel you need to find your roots feel free, but be-careful and go slow.

Almost a thousand prospective adoptive parents received an e¬mailed notice advising that Independent Adoption Center (IAC) was declaring chapter 7 bankruptcy and closing permanently, effective immediately. IAC is licensed in eight states, including Florida, with an office in Tampa. The abrupt closing of all IAC offices and its programs has left many families in dire straits, both financially and emotionally. Those in the middle of an adoption are now hampered in their ability to complete the adoption, and others have lost substantial sums of money which will hinder if not eliminate their ability to adopt. This is a situation that should never happen. The legislature should mandate that adoption agencies segregate and hold adoptive parent funds in a separate trust account, and prohibit use of adoptive parent money until earned. Comingling hopeful adoptive parent funds with agency operating funds allows the premature expenditure of these monies at the agency's discretion with little financial oversight. The end result can shatter the hopes and dreams of prospective parents, who seek to create or enlarge their families through adoption. Prospective adoptive parents should make inquiry with adoption agencies as to their fiscal management policies in this regard. The Fellows of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys have pledged to assist those families that now find themselves in an untenable situation as a result of IAC's bankruptcy. The Academy will assist these families in order for them to obtain their files from IAC, or to have them transferred to other reputable licensed adoption agencies. The Academy will also assist in advising those families as to be best way to proceed with regard to their prospective adoptions. There will be no charge for these services. A list of volunteer attorneys is posted to the Academy website at www.adoptionattorneys.org Jeanne Trudeau Tate, adoption attorney www.floridaadoptionattorney.com

I want to share a real life glimpse into the world of adoption with you for just a second. Something as seemingly innocent and sweet as a Disney movie can have much larger implications for the family impacted by adoption. As my son and I were watching Tangled for the 101th time this morning, he asks me: “Mom, who’s she?” (in reference to mother Gothel) Me, choosing my words very carefully, replied: “She’s the lady who stole baby Rapunzel from her birthparents and acted as Rapunzel’s mother growing up” Because I believe it is central to my child’s healthy development to talk to him openly about his adoption and for him to be able to make the distinction between what Mother Gothel unlawfully did in this situation and what birth parents do when an adoption plan is made, I explained to him that mine and his birth mothers chose to not parent us because they were not able to take care of us and that no one “stole” us from our birthparents. My son’s immediate response was: “WERE WE BAD?” “No son. We were not bad.” Fellow friends, this is the inside mind of a 4 year old adoptee. Raw and unfiltered. This is the side of adoption that doesn’t get talked about. Doesn’t get published. Doesn’t get glamorized. Adoptive parents; Families affected by adoption in any shape, form or capacity- this is my call to you… Please, Please, Please, don’t pretend that your child’s adoption story is all roses and rainbows, and that your existence in their lives somehow negates a previous core loss. Their story matters to them, and they need to hear it throughout their lives. It is central to their identity and who they are. Yes it is hard for them to process, and yes you have to watch them endure sad and painful emotions. But you spare them no pain by ignoring this inevitable part about them throughout their childhood and then leaving them to grapple with it as teenagers and adults on their own. If you cannot handle these realities, then you are not prepared for the selfless sacrifices adoption requires on your part for your child. This made the difference for me in my life and I plan to pass it on.

I have been struggling with open adoption for a long time. My son was taken from me at the age of 18, my then ex gf was using drugs and couldnt keep her self out of trouble and I had an unstable living envrioment due to my adopted parents and I always fighting. I refused to sign over my rights, but I was eventually told I had to, or they would be taken from me. After I lost my son in court I thought that was it. Somehow though my adopted parents still kept on seeing my son. It pissed me off to say the least. They told me that they had obtained sometype of rights through the open adoption to see him. So for years they went and saw him once a month , talked to him on the phone, put his pictures everywhere ....it killed me. It wasnt until my son was about 7 that my now wife contacted Amom to try and establish some type of contact. She was prepared for the answer of no, ,but to our surprise she started to write to us about how my son was doing, she sent us pictures and two years later after consistant contact we set up a time for me , my wife , my mom and my son to spend the weekend alone together. It was awesome. It truly was and I am eternally greatful. After the visit though, my mom got kinda jealous that we were sharing contact with my son and told the Amom some not so flattering things about me that landed us with no emails , no contact period for about two years. My mom had lied to me and told me that my son had stopped calling her all together as well, but i found out she had been lying. It was a very hurtful situation. I was angry that my emails were no longer being answered, that i felt like I had just gotten back into my sons life and now it was taken away from me AGAIN. when my son was 12 I got back into contact with him. He got a cell phone of his own and his Amom was okay with me calling and texting him freely. I was able to send him cards and gifts, have unlimited contact over the phone etc etc. It wasnt until my mom passed away when my son was 13 that I was allowed to go down to visit him and have a whole weekend with him unsupervised. I get annoyed sometimes with Amom when I dont hear how he is doing. Now that my son is a teenager, hes moody and sometimes unresponsive to my texts... so i get upset because i try to talk to amom about it and she shrugs it off. Dont get me wrong , I AM eternally greatful that Amom has let me and my wife have contact, pictures, unsupervised visits etc etc. for that I am eternally thankful. But sometimes there is a shadow of a doubt, that maybe i will say something wrong unintentionally and she will cut off contact, or she will say something about me to my son and he wont like me anymore. It keeps me up at night. I am just thankful I am in in his life and scared at the same time. Everytime we lost contact, its like im in court again being forced to give up my rights.

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/03/ef67aa4341eff8af6b16f373330203e5_view.jpg[/img] A few years ago, I had the opportunity to work for a local radio station as a movie critic/part time radio personality. Every week, I would attend a particular movie, discuss it on air with my co-worker, and write up a small op-ed piece to publish on the station's web page. (You can see an example of it, just for fun, here: http://mix1043fm.com/rock-of-ages-movie-review-good-bad-ugly/) That fun little part time gig is now in the past, and it's been quite awhile since I've written a movie review, although that isn't really the purpose of this post. Recently, I had the opportunity to see the film "Lion", about a young boy named Saroo, who becomes lost and separated from his family in India, and is eventually adopted by an Australian couple. In the past, movies about adoption were crossed off my list immediately, because I found them too upsetting....especially if there was a "happy reunion" at the end, reminding me of my own inability to find my missing pieces. But due to the developments of the past year, I finally felt emotionally prepared to see this film that was garnering a lot of critical acclaim. Truth be told, I'm not sure anyone could actually be prepared for the feelings this movie stirs up, and as an adoptee, I found myself staring at the screen in wonder, shocked that someone had been able to so accurately portray the emotions I have felt for most of my adult life. To clarify, my life has certainly not been anything close to what this child endured. The differences in our stories are profound: He had a close loving relationship with his mother and siblings for the first few years of his life, and then was, in effect, ripped from them as a small child. He was homeless, hungry and scared. He was subjected to people who had no sense of humanity, and it was only through his eventual adoption that he was able to feel safe again. Being adopted at birth, I obviously had no previous memory of my birth family, no "strings of attachment", and I certainly never experienced any of the horrific things that Saroo did---at the age of 5, when he was sleeping on a piece of cardboard in the streets, I was living in the warm, safe and loving home of my adoptive family. But the similarities in our stories are also numerous, and that is what prompted me to write this particular post. As much as the sadness of his earlier life broke my heart, it was watching him in his search for his identity that spoke to my soul. Certain things would 'trigger' him to think about his family, starting with an Indian dessert that is served at a party he is attending. The feelings are so strong that it almost debilitates him. I thought of the times when I would experience that same moment of helplessness, as someone would point out that my sister looked so much like my mother, and that I didn't seem to resemble either of my parents....and I would get lost in the thoughts of "Yes, I look like someone, but I don't know who they are". When Saroo began his search, there was a feeling of overwhelming impossibility. He really has no idea where to start, no solid leads or names to help him, and ----let's face it----India is not a small place. As he starts plotting the possibilities up on his wall, it took me back to the countless hours I spent entering my name and information into literally hundreds of "adoption reunion" databases. I had no names to work with, and no idea of where exactly they might be, so I had no way to look for anyone in particular.....all I could do was enter my information, and pray that someone was looking for ME. I followed every single lead I could think of over the years, no matter how far fetched it was, because the pull to know was just too great to stop. Saroo portrayed that as well, basically becoming so fixated on finding information that his family and girlfriend were almost completely alienated from his life. At one point, he expresses that he just wants to be able to find his mother and comfort her....let her know that he is alright. He knows that she has grieved his loss and it torments him. When I became a mother for the first time, I started to grasp the possibility that my own birthmother was carrying a burden of missing me as well, and it became so important to me to be able to reassure her that I was fine. Even though I eventually learned that she was not particularly worried about me, it was a blessing to ME to be able to let her know. Eventually Saroo reaches a point where there seems to be no more leads and his girlfriend says "well, what if you NEVER find them? Then what??" This is a common response from many who are NOT adoptees and have a difficult time understanding the pull that many of us feel to get answers. Saroo's parents loved him and he had enjoyed a significantly "better" life with them, than he could have ever experienced in India. Why couldn't he just be grateful for that and let it go? For some adoptees, there seems to be no real "need" to search for their birth families, and they are content with the information they have. For others, it's as if they have a piece of their identity missing, and they feel utterly lost until they find it. I've likened it before to a "Non adoptee" being told they could never know the names of their grandparents or history of their ancestors, simply because a law wouldn't allow it. All of a sudden it makes no sense that this law actually exists for anyone. And what many people fail to understand, is that searching for your roots does NOT mean that you love or appreciate your adoptive family any less. I have personally found in my searching that locating my birth family has just strengthened the love I have for my parents and sister, while enlarging my family circle and allowing me to love even MORE people. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is when Saroo tells his adoptive mother, after he finds his family in India, "Finding her doesn't change who you are to me". And finally, in the scene where he embraces his family again (spoiler alert---he DOES find them), the emotions are so overwhelming that even my big tough guy husband sitting next to me was tearing up. I found this scene so beautiful for many reasons but mostly because of the fact that he no longer speaks the same language as his mother and siblings, but they are still able to express their love for each other. Although I can't specifically relate to embracing my birthmother---she remains somewhat elusive to ALL her children it seems----I HAVE had the amazing opportunity of hugging my half sister and speaking by phone with both half brothers. And although our lives have been significantly different----in effect, we sort of "speak a different language"-- it's been an amazing thing to me that you can be apart from people for decades, and if you are family, there is no distance. If you are a person who can't quite understand the importance of allowing adoptees access to their birth records (even though that was not the exact issue that Saroo faced), this can help you more fully grasp the struggles that many of us face in needing all the information we can get to help us in our search. I don't very often recommend a movie based on adoption merits, but because this film is based on a true story AND truly nails the emotions that many adoptees experience, I can't say enough about it. Thank you Hollywood, for making a film that puts adoption in the spotlight and allows people to see the good that comes from adoptees getting answers. http://simplysnarky.blogspot.com/2017/02/adoption-on-big-screen.html

I am new and don't really know about this and I am hoping to meet others involved in adoption, especially an adult adoption - the adult adoptive parent or the adult adoptee. I am 17 years old now. I have a really rough childhood. When I was young I was an outcast and a victim of bullying. My parent sends me to study abroad just to get out of their way and now they threatened to cut me off. I feel so scared because I don't know where to go if they cut me off. It took me years to finally see and realise that I needed to find a better way to live my life, that I deserved a better/safer life, and that I am not a bad person. One should never be obligated to have contact with people just because they raised them, it's all about respecting, honest, caring, empathy, and being open-minded, is what makes a family in my opinion. I have always struggled with my relationship with my biological parent and never really felt like I belonged anywhere and always wanted to know what it was like to have mothers and fathers to love. If I decided to follow my dream my biological parent are going to be very angry and hurt but I have spent my whole life trying to make them love me and gain their approval. I don't want to hurt anyone I just want to be happy, loved, accepted and allowed to just be myself. I hope one day that I can find a place to really call home and people that want me in their life.

Before I became a part of the adoption community, I had an interest in adoption. I loved to read blogs about adoption and sometimes I would even peruse adoptive parent profiles, just for fun. I remember reading a blog one time in which an adoptive mom remarked that now that she had adopted a Marshalese child, they had become a multicultural family. I remember thinking that was the weirdest thing. My thought was, "No you're not. She's a baby. She'll just adapt to your family's culture." I truly didn't understand what she was even really meant by that. I could see saying that they were a multiracial family - but multicultural? That didn't make sense. Along those lines, I always thought it was a little weird when adopted people looked for their birth parents. "You already have a family," I'd think to myself. "Why are you looking for more?" Fast forward several years later, however, and now these two ideas have come into sharp focus in my mind. As I have listened to adoptees talk about their adoption experiences, I have come to realize that biological connections and cultural roots are much more powerful than I'd ever given them credit for. Now when I interact with people at family gatherings - and extended family gatherings - I realize what a comfort it is to be surrounded by people who look like me, who have similar quirks to me, who share the same grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great grandparents. There is something very powerful and grounding about knowing WHERE you came from and WHO you came from. When a child is adopted into a family, they still carry their birth families in every cell of their bodies. This isn't to say that there isn't a power in the family that they were adopted into - the child will become a part of that family, integrated by love and shared experiences and the daily weaving of being together - but now I understand how important it is for adoptees to have access to and experiences with the biological roots that shape them just as powerfully.

Whether you're an adoptive parent or not... whether you're a foster parent or not.. you can invest in the future of adoption and foster care by taking a few actions with your children today. Some of these are subtle, but can help create a generation of children who decide that they will be the last generation to know what an orphan is in the world. Open Door Policy - be the household on the block where all the kids come and hang. Create an atmosphere where children are welcome -- not just the popular kids, but all kids. Your Children Are Important - be sure they know that each and every day. Some parents dismiss kids in important conversations. Take the time to value what your children have to say and let them know that you don't discount their opinions just because of their age. Be a Global Parent - It's not easy for whole families to travel around the world, but travel (on any scale) broadens the mind. Expose your family to new ideas about the world. Plan family time once a month to watch a documentary (please... no reality shows) on a different culture. If you do get a chance to travel, take a look at a few cultural highlights on the way to Disney. Use these experiences to engage your children on what it's like to live in another culture or a different part of the world. Read - If you read, they read. It's a basic formula. Try picking up a book on a different culture and use it for discussions around the dinner table. Find books for your kids on different cultures - age appropriate of course. As a kid, one of my favorite books was "Island Boy" about a young boy growing up in Hawaii. I found the culture fascinating. Compassion - Be a parent of compassion for other children. Support a child or a program in a different part of the world. It could just be $10 a month! But imagine the difference it makes in the life of a child in another country. And over time, see what a difference it makes in the lives of your own children. Get them involved in learning about the culture or cultures your favorite charity represents. I'm biased, of course, but Orphan World Relief would be a great starting point! Regardless, involve your children in the decision and be sure that when you write the check each month, you talk about it as a family and engage with your own children about something they've learned about another culture. Involve Children in Supporting Causes - Find a cause locally or internationally you believe in and work with your children to make a difference. Do an annual garage sale and give the money to a charity of your children's choosing supporting kids (locally or globally). Have them come up with their own ideas of how they can support a cause. Learn a Language - Enroll the family in a language course where you can learn together (don't be too concerned if your kids do better than you). Connecting with another language helps connect you with a different culture. The younger your children are exposed to languages, the easier it will be for them to learn languages later in life when they need to in high school or college. Eat food from other Cultures - Even if it's just grabbing tacos, take the time to engage with the food of another culture. Try and find a local restaurant and not a chain with people working their from other cultures. It's probably easier than you may think! Research the food. Learn where it comes from and talk with your children about ways you can make it at home. Talk with Your Children - Every idea has one central theme: conversation. Engage your children in conversation... talk about other people groups. Help your kids talk about the differences and similarities of others. Try to help them become better world travelers by calling out things that don't make sense in our own culture as "different" rather than passing judgement by saying something is "stupid". Pose questions to your children to help them think through why something might be the way it is... and then research the truth! Volunteer with Others Less Fortunate - There will always be children who need a mentor. Sign up to be a big brother or a big sister. Spend time with your nieces and nephews. Help a single parent out at Church by befriending them and their children. Even if you do all of these things, there are no guarantees that your kids will decide to adopt or foster other children. They learn by what you do. Consider making room for one more child in your home through adoption. But even if you cannot adopt, you can help prepare your children to be better world citizens by following some of these simple ideas. It doesn't cost anything but time and a little creativity. Be a global hero to your children by making them global heroes in their own right. More blog posts about orphans, adoption and life: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dougriggle/detail/recent-activity/posts/

This is my story (the short, 1,000 word version). I've published it on my own personal blog, so I will just link it here so as not to have the content showing up in two separate places on the web. For context, my son is now eight years old. Though it is an open adoption, the pain and trauma of this experience has led me to stop visiting all together. We will reconnect when he is 18, if he wants to. [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2018/02/c2e6aaede34caf14032a93aa19a0311d_view.jpg[/img] https://freeupyourplate.com/2018/02/21/i-gave-up-my-baby-for-adoption/

My search really started when the courts told me that my last name started with a "K". I started by looking up all of the high schools list for Allegheny County, Pennsyvania. Once I had those I went to classmates.com and started going through everybody listed for the years '67 & '68. Diane graduated in '68 just after I was born. I found 2 people with the name Diana and 4 with the name Diane. I was able to eliminate 4 of the people by either age or name(one graduated in '67, another was to young, one had a polish last name and the others birthdate was to late in the year). Diane was almost 18, so her birthday wasn't to far away. I checked on info for these to and they seamed to fit. One person seamed to fit really well. Then I asked my CI if my bgrandfather was still alive and she said "no." I looked up both of the last names and I person had died thatfit my bgrandfathers info. I asked my CI if he had died along time ago or not and she told me 2004 and that his second wife had also died in 2001. This didn't fit with any info that I had found. I was sure that I didn't have the right people. I spent some time going through the obits for Pittsburgh area for 2004 and finially found him. It fit the name that I had and it listed both Diane's name and her husbands. It listed Diane's brother and his wife as well as my bgrandfather's 2nd wife and her to kids with spouses. His picture is also posted with the obit. Now all I have to do is figure out which Diane (with her last name as there are several) is her. But I do believe I might have it figured out. I just need to do some cross referancing. I will not try to contact her until the CI has finished her job and hope that Diane will respond that way as I don't want to scare her. The CI is still waiting a responce to the second letter that she sent out registered. I will just sit back and wait but now I know that if nothing happens with the CI, I know that I am not done.

Well tomorrow my mom moves in. What a change in events eh??? We are both sort of dreading living with each other....so we have decided to make the best of it and have fun....most of it will include loving the coolest kid on the planet. On a sad note.....or I hope not sad...but maybe sad....it looks more and more like Colon cancer :-( But we will know more after Wednesday. So I now get to add her weekly doctor visits in Orange County 2 hours round trip away to my daugther's therapy visits, visits with her God Mother and my very very aggressive work schedule. I LOVE MY KIDDO as you know, but I have had NO DOWN TIME....NONE. I only get to take a bath when she naps in the morning then I spend the rest of the day watching her and on the phone with producers and stuff...when she goes to bed at 8, I start writing till 2 or so then go to bed. She wakes up at 7 and we are off and running again. Adding my ailing mom to the mix.....will probably kill me. But I love my mom and want her to get better....FAST! I still have to finish painting her room tonight and it is already almost midnight. I was one finger typing a document with Aria on my lap that was due today cause she was just so over Mommie trying to work. I need to find a great affordable childcare, but so far no luck. She will be going to a wonderful pre-school when she is 2 but....that's when she's 2 she is almost 1 now so that's a year away. And I battle with the idea of not seeing her cute little face everyday, but today almost killed me. We actually went out for the first time in ages to a gathering of my closest friends to eat food and drink wine. Aria got a new Baby Einstein and played on a hideabed, which she jumped and giggled on all night....till 11! You go little rock star. She is usually in bed at 8pm sharp everynight since birth so every once in a while she gets a treat. It was funny everytime the group laughed collectively she would laugh and throw her arms in the air....what a fun kid really....she rocks! So this little wonderful rock star is almost adopted we sign papers at the end of the month then wait for a court date.....weeeeeehooooo! On that note ON TUESDAY we have a meeting with her birth sister at the agency. My sw said she sounds really nice on the phone and what was really sad is....she asked that if "they" like me do you think I can see my sister grow up? Oh God.....that breaks my heart. She has been in the system for 6 years and aged out this year and never got adopted, but knows the foster system and foster homes. She mentioned that she had never had a sister and that the baby is lucky she is getting adopted. BOY....just rip my heart out why don't ya :-( This issue brings up a lot of feelings in me...one....the age old adoptive parent dilema....I was blessed (as an adoptive parent) to have a really open and shut case....crack addict mom, homeless, toothless, never shows, doesn't work on her plan....loses baby. I feel like...well...you had a chance and didn't take it so I get to raise her and now she's my daughter and part of my family. But here comes a teenager (18) who never got adopted, has the same cracked out homeless mom, who is Aria's REAL FAMILY and I am feeling :-( weird. She wants to see Aria and be her sister (which she should be....because she is her sister) and part of me wants to open my home and adopt her too.... :-) and yet...well it opens up to a whole world I didn't bargin for when I adopted a newborn baby. So I will take it one day at a time, but at the moment hearing about her sister and how much she wants to see her little 1/2 sister has brought up some weird emotions and fears. One being that we have always said that Aria is starting to look like our family, but with brown skin and now her REAL biological family will know her and well....um....it is strange for me cause for a second I feel like my kiddo is someone else if that makes sense....meeting and being in a relationship with her bio sister emphasises that she is also a part of another tribe....and tonight...the eve of my mother moving in and possibly battling cancer, the fact that the light of my life is really part of another family is.....oh boy....making me feel sad. But this is adoptive parenting.....this is what happens. I have been so blessed to be oblivious. I have been ritcheous in that my daughter's birth mother was so sick...but here comes an innocent child who wants to know her sister, someone who has been given some hard blows in life and was not a cute baby, but a really hurt child and never got adopted, who is out in the world fending for herself and one of the only nice things in her world is her little sister....and everyone I know tells me to take Aria and run....so I am again faced with the dilema....cause honestly part of me wants me to take my daughter and run and part of me wants to welcome her sister home....YIKES.....LIFE....gotta live it! But whew.....it throws you some punches. The other weird thing is I am adopting again next year and the second baby WILL be Aria's sister, but not by blood. So she will have her blood sister and her little sister, who is adopted and mom who is adopted....and in my oblivious, hippie and happiness induced state I never really looked at the dynamics of adoption...but now I see it. My angel baby with her perfect ringlet curls and big brown eyes has a white mommie and a biological 1/2 sister and a blonde auntie and soon will have an adopted little sister.....and a Momma who lives with us....and just in that description alone we will have to redefine family as so many adoptive and birth parents do everyday. The truth that no one really tells you about adoption is....it is big....it traverses a lot of planes and a lot of descriptions....You may be a mother....but someone was a mother to your child before you, you may love your child with everything you have to give of your heart, but someone loves her just because she is alive and maybe holding on to hope because she exists, you're WHOLE FAMILY may have put this child on a pedestal of love, but another family loves her too......and well....tonight....that is a lot to swallow. But I believe in God and the Blue Fairy and all that is good in the world and I know tht nothing but good is coming to my perfect little angel....so I take this ride. And we meet her sister on Tuesday.

We just finished our home visit for our homestudy to adopt our baby girl!!!!!!!!!! SW left and dh took kids to give me some time alone, been cleaning all day and all night. What a sweet husband and I have to scream YYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! It went beautifully. We still have a few more paperwork thing/physicals to get done, but its all on us now (so I know I can get it done and won't have to worry about somebody else dropping the ball. Its getting real! I was hoping for an adoption finalization before Christmas and becoming very concerned it wouldn't happen My prayer was answered. Thank you! SW has finished the final bit of paperwork the day that I prayed my heart out for her to find the time to do it. Our attorney just needs to petition the court for an adoption finalization day. We are hoping for National Adoption day, November 15th! It is only a matter of time no matter what day it is that we end up with so truthfully I'm beyond okay now, I'm ecstatic! I no longer have that weight of, could we loose him? Its gone and I feel peace. I know we will finalize. Its like I can take that deep breath and release all that stress and tension. FIY don't be like me, let God take over. I thought I was the one who could get our SW to get the move on. I needed to let it go and let God take over. E will be our forever son-is that not a miracle? This is the baby I knew so very well before he was even born.I see him growing and see the joy he brings to all who know him. He is adorable, he is amazing, I don't know what our family would do without him. He is such an ingrained part of our lives. I felt he wanted to come to our family this way long before I ever knew him and before I was ready to take that leap of faith. The first time I saw him I knew he was meant to be our son. It was a God thing, whispered right to my heart. I'm hoping for our baby to join us in December, best Christmas present I can imagine. After November 15th we will should be on the list, waiting for our baby girl to join our family. I learned my lesson, I'm going to let God take over this journey right from the start. My sweet baby girl, I can't wait to see you. I pray for your birth family. This time and the months and years to come will be painful and challenging for them. I pray they beat their demons. I pray that you will heal from the exposure you have. I have had peaceful moments whispered in my heart that you will overcome, it won't be easy and we may have some rough years but you are going to grow to be an amazing young lady. I feel that same peace with E, I know he will have his challenges, but he is going to grow into an amazing young man. He will end the cycle of addiction in his genetic line. Its something I feel with all of my heart. I feel at some point he will be the source of strength for his birth family, not now, and not any time soon but at some point in his adult life. I hope your birth family will always be part of our lives. In my heart I feel there is and always will be an eternal connection to your birth family. An "invisible red thread" that connects all of us. It cannot be broken. I will always pray for E's birth mother, even if I'm angry with her for what she exposed E to, I will do the same for your birth mom. I imagine holding you for the first time, what will you look like? Will you be a fussy baby like M or will you be an angel like C was? Will you be the best 2-3 year old like M was or a difficult 2-3 year old like C was? Will you be artistic and free spirited like C, will you be athletic and a perfectionist like M? You know I'm sure you will be just who you are meant to be-and uniquely you. I can't wait my sweet daughter, my forever and always baby. You will complete this family, we need you. E is ready for you. Today at mommy group one of my mommy friends brought her foster baby with her. I got to hold her, E was so excited to see a baby. He wanted to touch her, giggled when he got her to smile, he stroked her tiny feet and said "baby" over and over again with a big smile on his face. He will be a protective big brother and will take care of you all of your life. M is not excited about another baby sister (even though C and her are as close as sisters can be) I know she will change her mind once she meets you, she wants a baby brother because she loves E so much. C is soooo excited about a baby sister! She can't wait to dress you, to help me feed you, pick out your hair bows, she may not want to change your diapers but I think she will do just about everything she can as your big sister. And then there is your dad. You see he has a big hole in his heart that can only be filled with you. You are so lucky to have him as a daddy but I know he is even more fortunate.

I write here today, because I awoke in such a great , energetic, happy mood, checked into the forums, and was so totally floored by a certain member, that attempted to clean the floor with a reply in a post I made...meant for Firstmoms, I as usual ..with stupidity thought I could finally post where I could tell my true feelings about my twins. Not so, these forums, I had always felt were for ALL of us to come learn, vent, cry, listen and hear, others and their journies. I thought, since I had no one in my everyday world to open up to about my journey with the twins, this was a perfect place to come to. I have always enjoyed coming and listening, responding, and sometimes give gut honest opinions...I thought that was what the forums were for. I will come here now, for I know I am safe here, I cannot hurt anyone here in my own journal world. I still can purge my pain, feelings, and love that are deep inside me..without being told I have no right to do so. It has taken me 45 minutes to stop crying..thank GOD my hottie is hauling hay, for I would not like him to see me this upset. He is such an amazing gentle sole, he made me feel like a queen again this morning. We have now been married 10 yrs. I have only had 3 partners , and all 3 have been husbands. So I am not the most experienced at telling whether he is the best(especially at 62 yrs old), but I can imagine none any better. We enjoy trying new things,and always have the best time doing so. I must go take a tractor to the field..I just needed to come to my safe place, and get rid of my anger/sadness, from realizing this place is not for me..the forums that is. I know when one comes here, the adoption journeys are not always a pleasant happy place, quite the opposite actually. I knwo that we all have differing opinions, and because the subjet of our lives is adoption, there will be advers opinions that will cause some heated replies. I just thought ALL were welcome to have their voice heard...in a respectful manner...I was wrong!

Hello Everyone, This is my first time here- my first post. I'm not unfamiliar with posting on the Internet because I'm the Host of a support site called MiscarriageHelp.com. But, this is different. While I spend much of my time, (early in the day), caring about and trying to support others in their time of need, this is my time, my 'space' if you will, to share my heart- my dreams. I remember saying to my mother when I was around ten that I wanted to adopt a child someday. The feeling was so strong- as if I were born with it. I've read that some call it the "adoption gene". Perhaps that's true. I don't remember a time when I didn't feel almost a 'calling' to adopt. It's like a part of my personality and soul I was born with. I can't explain it. I just know it was there then and is still present today. I've learned not to give up on your dreams. I've also come to believe how our thoughts actually create our reality. What I mean by this, (and it's only my opinion), is that if I were to give up on my dreams of adopting, I'd essentially attract that to me. That's the last thing I want. So, I believe with all my heart, that the right child at the right time will come into my life. A child who needs me and all the love I have waiting, as much as I need him or her. This site is another step, a very real and concrete step towards living the dream. I'm putting myself out there and saying to anyone who wants to listen, "I have spent far too long waiting to be called Mommy and that special place in my heart will be filled as soon as I hear that word." I have a lot to learn, and have learned a lot. This path will lead where it's supposed to and I know there will come a day when my heart feels fulfilled because we have a family to call our own. A family that spends birthdays, Christmas's, and every day together travelling wonderfully unexpected paths- all which lead back to home. Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to making new friends here, to learning what I need to know, sharing whatever I can, and to all of us realizing our own dreams coming true. Ellen

Native children are languishing in state care in unthinkable numbers, far higher than ever lived in residential schools at any one time. Canada remains so traumatized by the sixties scoop,Ӕ the widespread adoption of native children into white homes, that it allows the native children of today to grow up without a permanent home of their own. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/editorials/native-children-also-have-the-right-to-parents/article1833657/

"Adoption is a violent act, a political act of aggression towards a woman who has supposedly offended the sexual mores by committing the unforgivable act of not suppressing her sexuality, and therefore not keeping it for trading purposes through traditional marriage. The crime is a grave one, for she threatens the very fabric of our society. The penalty is severe. She is stripped of her child by a variety of subtle and not so subtle manoeuvres and then brutally abandoned." - Joss Shawyer, Death by Adoption, Cicada Press (1979) Young parents today are still pressured and coerced into surrendering their children. These abusive practices are still alive and thriving in America's $1.4 billion-per-year adoption industry. Adoption is and has always been deeply imbued in classism, as it is adoption's intent and most often outcome to move a child from lower to higher-class status. This is truer today than ever, as adoption has become a business of finding children for clients Legal adoption in America only came into mainstream a century ago when people stopped believeing that sins were passed from mother to child, and at first all adoption records were open to the public. When they began to be closed, it was only to the general public, and the intent was to protect adoptees from public scrutiny of the circumstances of their birth.Adoptive parents and agencies that profited from adoption lobbied to overturn reform laws.Adoptees who held questions of identity, ancestry, and genetics had nowhere to turn for answers.The records were sealed for 99 years, even with joint consent, and searching carries a criminal penalty. A Public Affairs pamphlet from 1969, You and Your Adopted ChildӔ, states, Instances of extreme curiosity and concern almost never happenӅ However, should a youngster ever raise the question, it is important, of course, to make it very clear that a search is unrealistic and can lead to unhappiness and disillusionment. The Impact of the 1960Ԓs and 1970s Revolutions on Current Adoption Practices ■Liberation movements: womenҒs liberation, civil rights movement, sexual revolution, adoptees liberty movement (ALMA, 1971), birth fathersҒ rights. ■Birth control methods reduced the number of unplanned pregnancies. ■The legalization of abortion gave women a choice in whether or not to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term. ■Normalization of single parenthood in the dominant culture allowed women to choose whether to place a child for adoption or raise the child alone. ■Support of this choice was provided by increased welfare aids for unmarried females and head of household tax relief, as well as increased job opportunities. ■The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA-1978) ■Normalization of step, blended, or other family types which are not connected by blood. ■Birth Parents and adult adoptees began to speak out about their experiences, their rights and their needs. Groups such as Origins USA (founded in 1997) started to actively speak about family preservation and the rights of mothers. The intellectual tone of these recent reform movements was influenced by the publishing of The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier. "Primal wound" is described as the "devastation which the infant feels because of separation from its birth mother. It is the deep and consequential feeling of abandonment which the baby adoptee feels after the adoption and which may continue for the rest of his life." In 2007, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute published a report concerning the issue of adoption records written by Madelyn Freundlich, the former general counsel for the Child Welfare League of America and past associate director of program and planning for the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. Two of the main findings of the report state that adoptees are the only people in the U.S. that are, as a class, denied the right to view their own birth certificates, and denying adult adopted persons access to information related to their births and adoptions has potentially serious, negative consequences with regard to their physical and mental health.Ӕ The child who does not grow up with his own biological parents, who does not even know them or anyone of his own blood, is an individual who has lost the thread of family continuity. A deep identification with our forebears, as experienced originally in the mother-child relationship, gives us our most fundamental security.

Here is the information on my birthmother...Name: Diane Walker. I was born at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston, IL on June 16, 1970. Adopted 10 days later through Catholic Charities. My name on original birth certificate was Josette Lynn Walker. Birthfather was reportedly in Navy. Birthmother desc: 5'5", brown hair/brown eyes. Birth grandmother reportedly killed in car wreck in 1969. Birthmother lived with her Grandmother and Father. Also lived in "wage home" in the months before my birth, and did daycare in exchange for room and board. This family's name was Casey.