Last fall I bought a 23andMe DNA for my wife as an anniversary gift. In March (about 7 weeks ago)she and her birth mother made first contact. We spent a lot of time chatting on the phone and skype. Then she came with her partner to visit and everything changed. They've been gone about 10 days and our house is now on the market and all of our things are being sold. My wife is moving in with her mom (in a different state) and I'm left out in the cold. She says that she just doesn't care about anything other than being with her mom. She doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore, this is her entire life now. They won't engage with me at all and I just can't understand what I've done to make them hate me so much. No one has spoken to me or told me any reasons. I don't know what to do now. I am trying so hard to be understanding, but how can she throw away our marriage for something that she does not yet know? I would never try to come in between them, I just wanted some time with her too. I have tried to be supportive and I still do. I make myself scarce when they are talking and try not be pushy with any questions or demands, but I'm afraid my marriage is over. What do I do?

This is my story (the short, 1,000 word version). I've published it on my own personal blog, so I will just link it here so as not to have the content showing up in two separate places on the web. For context, my son is now eight years old. Though it is an open adoption, the pain and trauma of this experience has led me to stop visiting all together. We will reconnect when he is 18, if he wants to. [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2018/02/c2e6aaede34caf14032a93aa19a0311d_view.jpg[/img] https://freeupyourplate.com/2018/02/21/i-gave-up-my-baby-for-adoption/

Hey, i am Alicia and i am 24 years old. I am a nursing mother of a 4 month old baby girl, looking for a parent or parents to Adopt her. Please reach out if any interests . (cee.cyndee25@gmail.com)[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/06/c7431a2a81919ad4098c0805653df353_view.jpg[/img]

Hello! My name is Morgan and my significant others name is Andrew. We are unable to have children naturally and are looking to adopt! We are on waiting lists now but have been told it can take many years so we are hoping to find someone willing to do a private adoption possibly! Thanks for reading and hope to hear from you soon! E mail mmmmmmorgs@icloud.com

Hi, this is my first blog and I want to go straight into my issue. I'm a male in my 50's (who's always wanted the truth) in the UK. I recently traced my B/Mother and she employed a solicitor to say she didn't want contact. Whilst I respect privacy I need to know the truth about my B/Father; can I legally compel her to tell me? She lied on the adoption form about my B/Fathers identity….I took a DNA test and found that I wasn't half Spanish as she'd indicated. Any help would be very much appreciated.

Hi Everyone, I am new to this. My brother and I both were adopted separately by the same wonderful parents. I found my biological parents when I was younger shortly after I turned 19 years old. However my brother who is older than me, just recently decided to find his biological parents. My brother was born in Stockton California in San Joaquin County. His birthday is December 21, 1970. All we know is that his biological mother and father were married at the time and kept him for a short time, then they decided to give him up for adoption. My brother and I do know that they were over 21 years of age when they gave him up for adoption. Of course, my brother’s adoption was a closed adoption, as it was in 1970. The San Joaquin Department of Public Assistance in San Joaquin partook in the adoption through the San Joaquin Superior Court, through Judge John B. Cechini. My brother is nervous about taking a DNA test. I do realize that taking a DNA test may be his only option towards finding his biological parents. If anyone knows any information in regards to what else I can do to find his biological parents, please feel free to let me know. Thank you so much. My email is mcgrew_karen74@yahoo.com

This is my first time writing in this forum and my first attempt to verbalise what I'm feeling so please bear with me.. I am 36 and was placed in my adoptive home shortly after my 4th birthday and have always known and 'understood' the reasons for my adoption. After years of internal struggle, anxiety and depression I finally decided to actively find my biological parents and got my file from my local authority who handled my adoption. Fast forward a year and I actually stumbled across my half-sibling on Facebook which led to make contact with my only full sibling (I wasn't aware I had a full sibling) and another half sibling and both my biological parents. Some might say jackpot! After really positive reunions with all I looked forward to building relationships with them all, however after the initial meeting both parents have withdrawn. I have since developed an irrational anger, I understand having read my file, and spoken to my siblings, and in part to my biological parents about what happened. But I have this sense that I have been rejected again by them. I understand that they were unable to be parents when I was born, and I get they are still not able to be parents but I can't help the feeling that they should step up a bit more. I'm their child for all their declarations that they wanted me, loved me and wish that they had known me as a child etc etc but they just can't seem to think of me first. I'm a parent myself and I would give me last breath to protect my children or to tell them I loved them that last time. But even as grown adults 30+ years later they cant see past themselves. I know I should be grateful I had a wonderful childhood, an amazing husband and 2 beautiful children but why can't I shift this soul crushing anger and hurt? I want to move on, deal with the fact they don't want to be active in my life etc but it hurts, its like I wasn't enough to fight for as a child and I'm still not enough for them.. Am I stupid? Will I ever be able to just move past this? I find it hard to verbalise how I feel to my family, I try and my hubby almost gets it but there is just this sense that they just don't get it, am I making too much of this or am I justified in my feelings? I want to feel something other than deep routed anger, I feel I constantly have to squash the feeling down in fear it will all come out and people will look at me like I am mad! ***sorry for the rant!

Alcohol and drug addiction can become a major issue in life due to childhood trauma concerning abandonment. I never medaled with drugs or alcohol until I read my dhhr adoption file when I was around 40 years old and I literally went into a spiral down fall from there. The pain was and still is unbearable to the point I don't want to feel anymore.

What I am about to say does not mean that I don’t love adoption. I love it. I will always advocate for it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that placing my baby for adoption was the right thing to do. Except when I don’t. Because there is so much pain in my heart that I have not allowed myself to process. I am an advocate for adoption, I shouldn’t be so messed up about it. People look up to me. I get messages from strangers all the time, thanking me for being so open about my story, telling me how it has helped them on their adoption journey. My work in adoption has been incredibly rewarding, and I love it so much. In some ways, I feel like a spokesperson for adoption. But right now I’m recognizing that I’ve been lying to myself. I hurt. Every day. There are moments, especially at family events or when it’s quiet in the evening that I can picture so perfectly what it would be like to be a parent. I want to watch my little girl play with her cousins, and hold her in my lap when she gets tired or scared. But I don’t even know what she did today. I don’t know what new words she’s learning, or her favorite things to do. I can’t explain how hard it is to have such an incredible bond with someone, but to be so far away. When I visit my birth daughter, I feel a connection. We love each other so, so much. And the cost of that bond and that love mean that every time I have to say goodbye my heart breaks all over again. Love shouldn’t hurt, I’ve always said that that quote was unhealthy… but this love hurts. Fierce love equals fierce pain and sacrifice sometimes. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. I shouldn’t regret it. She has the most amazing life with the most amazing family. She has a beautiful home and she’ll never want for anything. She is so much happier with them than she would be with me, all by ourselves in my crappy apartment. I can’t give her all the stimulation she needs to reach her full potential. It’s better this way, and I know that. But sometimes I just want to hold my baby. I want to be her mama. I wish I had been good enough to be her mom. I wish her birth father had been kind. I wish I hadn’t been so young and angry and confused. I wish I had the money to provide for her. I get tired of reminding myself that it wasn’t my fault, I had been through so much and I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know how to be a mom at that point. I keep trying to shut off the shoulda woulda couldas but sometimes I just have to feel them. I feel selfish. I should never even think about how much better it would have been for me emotionally to parent. I feel like I’m betraying her adoptive parents (whom I love) whenever I think of her as mine. It should always be about her, and if she’s happy I should be happy. If other people look up to me I should be happy. I am supposed to be birth mom strong. I am supposed to encourage and lift others. There is a difference between focusing on the positive and completely shutting out the negative. That’s what I’ve been doing. I went in to see my case worker the other day. I told her I was doing well, that I’d had a few bad days but that I understood why and that I handled them, so I was fine. I didn’t really need to be there talking to her, I didn’t need help. The only reason I came in is because my psychiatrist thought I had borderline personality, but another one thought I was bipolar. Neither of them felt quite right to me. She ever so gently suggested that maybe I was holding back some feelings. Maybe it’s neither of those. Maybe I just have trauma from the adoption and before that manifests itself regardless of whether I know that’s what it is. Maybe I’m not as ‘fine’ as I say I am. That gentle suggestion unleashed the dam of emotion that I had been keeping inside for the sake of being strong. I sobbed for the first time in a year about how much I hate being a birth mom some days. I just want to be a normal college student, or a normal mom, but instead I’m stuck in the middle and all kinds of heartbroken. It’s time for me to acknowledge my grief. Here is where normally I would put a positive spin on it, and say that it’s all worth it in the end because I did the right thing for her. But this time I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to talk about how I’ll ride it out and be okay and come out stronger. It’s true, but I need to accept that I’m going through something in order to even begin to make real progress. So I’m just going to say that this hurts.

Hi, on the 13th September 2016, My children were put into care by myself voluntary (section 20) I done this due to being in an abusive relationship, my husband physically and emotionally abused me and my children. I had to ensure they were safe so I made the call, now there adopted ! I couldn't get them back due to mental health issues, financial issues and housing. I honestly don't no how to cope it's really starting to eat me up recently I feel all alone and sad the majority of the time. Please if anyone is in this situation I need to talk to someone thanks for reading

onevoiceadoption.com

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/02/bf26a017a9b8281d86c2afec10c1f6ad_view.jpg[/img] Adopted at birth by two wonderfully loving and supportive parents, I didn't give a lot of thought to searching for my birthmother---even though my adoptive parents had always offered their support of my doing so----until I had a child of my own, and the need to tell this faceless person that I was alright, that she had made the right decision, was overwhelming to me. I couldn't imagine never seeing my child again, and I suddenly became very concerned about the woman who had given me life. I could only suspect that her worry and anguish were unbearable. The media does an amazing job of portraying "adoption reunion" stories with fairy tale endings, where all the parties involved are blissfully complete, now that they have found each other. They are most oftentimes warm and touching portrayals of a lifechanging event, and although I don't doubt the authenticity of those occurances, I learned for myself in a very real and personal way that there are exceptions to these happy reunions.......there was no way for me to prepare for what I experienced, and given the abundance of evidence on these "feel good" reunion shows, it's no surprise that I was blindsided and heartbroken by what came to be. Starting my Search in Earnest When I finally made the decision to begin searching for my birthmother, I didn't have a lot of options open to me: My husband and I were newlyweds and living on a full time student income---very little---while I stayed home to take care of our new baby. We didn't have much access to a computer so I researched what I could about registries to join where my name might be matched in a database with anyone else who was looking for me. After 3 years of no results, my husband came to me with a plan: he would cash in his unused sick time from his new job and we would use that money for me to hire a Confidential Intermediary to contact my birthmother. At that time, hiring a CI cost $475 and that didn't include any extra expenses that might be incurred along the way. I was touched by my husband's unselfishness and, after filling out the required forms, I sent off my payment to Colorado Confidential Intermediary Services....and waited for the rollercoaster ride to begin. The Phone Call I was weeks away from my 30th birthday, when I received the call that would be the beginning of a life changing experience. The intermediary assigned to my case had located my birthmother---up to that point, I don't think I had entertained the idea that she might possibly reject me-----the television shows made it seem unlikely that would ever happen, and I think that somewhere in my mind, I reasoned that since I could never imagine rejecting MY child, it only followed that she would feel similarly. My only real fear was that she might be deceased and that I would have missed out on the chance of getting to know her. As fate would have it, she was still living at the same address as she had been at the time of my birth---and she was anxious to meet me. She informed the CI that she wished to get to know each other first through letters, if I was agreeable with that, with a meeting sometime in the future. The tears came and it became clear to me that I had longed for this outcome even more than I realized.....the relief was overwhelming. Secret Correspondence When I was finally given the green light to start writing to my birthmother, I had no idea the hoops she and I would have to go through in order to maintain a postal relationship. First, we were not allowed to put any sort of "identifying information" in our letters to each other---meaning we could not share our names, our addresses, or anything else that might give the other person a way to locate us. Second, we were not allowed to write directly to each other. All our letters had to be mailed to the home of the intermediary, where she would check to make sure our letters were "appropriate" and then put them in a new envelope, with her address in the sender's place, and mail it off to us. As strange as the arrangement seemed, I was eager for any opportunity to communicate with her, so I followed the rules. The anticipation of receiving my first letter from her was nearly unbearable, and when it finally arrived, I studied every word. I remembering thinking that up until this very moment, this woman had never seemed like a real person to me...she had been a fictional character I had been told about as a child. But now, holding a letter from her hand, she was an actual person. Someone who truly existed and had a name....although I still wasn't allowed to know it. Our letters to each other went back and forth for several months, both of us sharing what we could without being too overly descriptive. I learned that she had been a single mother of three small children when she became pregnant with me. Her husband (her children's father) had committed suicide sometime previously, and MY father (whom she only referred to once as 'the unkind man who produced you') was not part of her life, for reasons she never elaborated on. I learned many things about her that helped clarify why I felt so different from my adoptive family---I had always, always felt loved and accepted by them, to be clear. But there was no denying that my interests, views, and personality differed from theirs in many ways. It was easy to see that I didn't LOOK like any of them, but there were times when it felt like we weren't similar in ANY respect, and it caused me to feel a little "odd". When I finally realized that many of my interests were similar to HERS, it was an enormous comfort to me. I had a million questions I wanted to ask her about her childhood, her other children, her late husband, and family history that I was so curious to learn about. But I didn't want to overwhelm her with questions, and I figured we had all the time in the world to learn about each other, so I kept most of the questions to myself. I had no idea that "all the time in the world" was about to come to an abrupt end. The Mistake About 5 months in to our correspondence, I received a phone call one day from the Intermediary. She seemed to fumble over her words as she spoke to me and finally admitted that she had failed to let my birthmother and I know, at the beginning of this process, that we only had 6 months to write to each other through her. After the allotted 6 months time, we would either need to sign documents allowing her to release our information to each other---and be free to continue our communication at our own leisure---or the case would be closed and we would no longer have access to each other. The news took both of us by surprise, but my birthmother was blindsided and angered by the new "stipulations" and felt like she had been unfairly backed into a corner. I don't know what experiences she had faced in life that caused her to feel like she needed to fight back so fiercely about being given this sort of ultimatum, but in a final letter to me, she explained that she had not stood up for herself other times in her life, and had regretted it. She was not going to let someone dictate to her what the timetable of our relationship was and she was not currently able to reveal her identity to me. She would refuse to sign the papers. The following day, I received another call from the Intermediary, telling me that my birth mom (at this point, I had grown weary of calling her that so I had given her the nickname 'Sue') had asked her if there was a way for her to preserve HER anonymity but to receive MY information, thereby enabling her to write me letters directly and she would just get a PO Box. For a moment I hesitated; I wasn't sure how I felt about giving her all my information and still having NONE of hers, but I knew that if I wanted our communication to continue---and I did---this was the only option. It would be a long time before I would have the money to reopen the case, and from everything she had shared with me, her financial situation was no better. I had been given the opportunity to tell her thank you for giving me such a wonderful chance at life and I could walk away now. But I wanted her to be a part of my life and I wanted to know so much more about her and my heritage still. I made the decision to sign the papers, releasing all my identifying information to her. And then I waited for letters that would never come. Confusion Several months went by as I waited for that first letter to come. Each day I would walk to the mailbox, thinking surely today would be the day I would hear from her. At some point I began to worry, thinking something must have happened to her. Our letters to each other had been so pleasant and she had mentioned how she thought I was a really wonderful human being. She had even told me that all her children knew I had come back into her life, and that her middle son in particular was excited to meet me someday. I had grown up without any brothers, so this information had been especially touching to me. Finally, I contacted the Intermediary, hoping she would remember our case and be able to give me some sort of clues as to what was happening. I was disappointed to learn that she barely remembered anything about our case, and could only offer speculation as to why I hadn't heard from her yet. She suggested that, in order to help me get over my loss, I write one last letter to "Sue" and mail it off to her. She cautioned that she wouldn't be able to pass it along since the case was now closed, but maybe it would help me to be able to move forward. And in a moment of sadness and frustration, I did. I wrote a letter asking the woman who had given me life how she could be so devoid of feelings for her own child that she could not even allow me the privilege of knowing her first name, when I had been willing to allow her every last bit of information about myself. I sent the letter, and hoped healing would come Unforeseen Endings I wish I could tell you that a letter finally arrived or a phone call came, and I was able to have the reunion I longed for, but things didn't turn out that way. Ten years later, in a strange twist of events, CCIS was made aware of the Intermediary's error of not informing my birthmother and myself of the 6 month time limit from the very beginning, and ruled that it was partially to blame for the unfortunate outcome of our contact. In an effort to rectify the situation, they allowed me to reopen the case at a very reduced rate with a different Intermediary. I felt euphoric, knowing I would soon be in touch with my birthmother again, this time both of us knowing what the timetable would be. My only fear was that, because so much time had passed without hearing from her, that she had possibly passed away, so I prepared myself for that possibility. But nothing could have prepared me for what I learned the day my CI called me. She had easily located "Sue" and briefly explained why the case was being reopened. Given the Intermediary's understanding of the events, I'm sure even SHE was surprised at my birthmother's response. According to the CI, 'Sue' expressed her disbelief at being contacted. She said that she thought she had been quite clear about not wanting to pursue a relationship with me, and when questioned about the PO box, she denied she ever offered to get one and write to me, although she did admit to having all my information and knew that she could contact me if she chose to. She also said that she felt I had not understood or respected her wishes, given this intrusion in her life as well as the final letter I wrote her---the one where I poured out my feelings in the hopes it would help me "heal". The letter that I was told would never be sent to her. The CI waited quietly on the other end of the line as I struggled to speak through the sobs that were escaping. I couldn't explain why I was so upset. My whole purpose in finding my birthmother had been to thank her and reassure her that my life had turned out well. My adoptive family was the only family I knew and loved, and I certainly wasn't looking for this woman to replace them. I had only hoped that she and I could continue to be part of each other's lives in a way that was agreeable to both of us. I had never asked her to be a grandparent to my children, or to even meet face to face. I had assured her in one of my letters that if we NEVER met, it was okay with me, because I was just enjoying the opportunity to learn more about her through our letters. So why was I so distraught that she seemed to be rejecting me...again? Maybe I was disappointed to think I might never meet the "big brothers" I now knew I had. Certainly I was saddened to know that I might never have the chance to ask all the questions I had for her. But mostly, I was hurt to think that the woman who had given me life could now seem to be so cold. The mother who had raised me had been such an amazing example of a loving and nurturing human being, that I could only assume that ALL mothers felt that way for their children. The fact that "Sue" was turning me away was something I didn't know how to process. Saying Goodbye In order for the CI to close the case, she gave both of us an opportunity to pass along a final message to each other. My birthmother's message to me was brief and unemotional. She apologized for any misunderstanding but stated it had never been her intention to have a relationship with me. That was basically it. To say I felt devastated by the lack of warmth or concern for me would be an understatement, and I'm ashamed to say that my first impulse was to tell the CI that I had nothing to say back to her. But I knew this would most likely be my last words to her in this life, and the fact remained that her decision to put me up for adoption had indeed put me in a family that loved me and given me opportunities I would not otherwise have had. Clearly, if I had stayed with her, my experience with motherhood would have been vastly different. So I chose to look at the positives and decided that, if nothing else came from this experience, I wanted her to still know and understand that I would forever be grateful for her decision to place me for adoption and I would never regret the time I spent searching for her. It's been 7 years since I wrote my final goodbye to her for the CI to read, and although I have been able to work through most of the heartbreak I felt at that time, recognizing that all things have a purpose in our lives and that I am blessed beyond measure to have a family that loves and supports me, I still admit that a piece of me hopes to find a letter in my mailbox one day, saying: "I've had a change of heart--I'd like to be part of your life again". If that never comes to be, I take comfort knowing that I was able to thank her for giving me life and leave her with the knowledge that I care deeply about the woman who remains nameless. "I just want to express to you how truly sorry I am for making this unwanted reappearance in your life--- please know and understand that it was due to misinformation that was given to me by the first CI, and my obvious inability to read between the lines. I feel so terribly foolish. I find it sadly ironic that in my attempt to reach out to you, I have somehow managed to cause the very thing I was afraid of. For me, this had never been about burdening you with additional family or responsibilities...my only hope was to have a comfortable relationship between just the two of us, and to someday learn more about my heritage and roots. Although I am saddened by your decision, I continue to treasure the letters you wrote, and feel blessed at having had a moment in time to know you...my love and appreciation for you continue, and my door remains open." http://hubpages.com/family/finders-weepers

I am new and don't really know about this and I am hoping to meet others involved in adoption, especially an adult adoption - the adult adoptive parent or the adult adoptee. I am 17 years old now. I have a really rough childhood. When I was young I was an outcast and a victim of bullying. My parent sends me to study abroad just to get out of their way and now they threatened to cut me off. I feel so scared because I don't know where to go if they cut me off. It took me years to finally see and realise that I needed to find a better way to live my life, that I deserved a better/safer life, and that I am not a bad person. One should never be obligated to have contact with people just because they raised them, it's all about respecting, honest, caring, empathy, and being open-minded, is what makes a family in my opinion. I have always struggled with my relationship with my biological parent and never really felt like I belonged anywhere and always wanted to know what it was like to have mothers and fathers to love. If I decided to follow my dream my biological parent are going to be very angry and hurt but I have spent my whole life trying to make them love me and gain their approval. I don't want to hurt anyone I just want to be happy, loved, accepted and allowed to just be myself. I hope one day that I can find a place to really call home and people that want me in their life.

My fairy tale family was not meant to be. The honeymoon phase ended, and reality set in. I had been seeing this man for a month, and now we had a little human who was going to rely on us completely. I was so young, and he so unprepared. We had such different ideas about almost everything- whether or not I should continue my schooling, basic parenting ideas, politics, religion, you name it. We were so fundamentally different, it wasn't long before I realized this relationship was not going to work. So I was 17, single, and pregnant. My family was hundreds of miles away, and they had no idea I was pregnant. Calling them and telling them I had gotten pregnant by a man nearly ten years my senior was the last thing I wanted to do- but I had nowhere else to go. So I called my mother, told her what had happened, and hung up as quickly as I could. I was so afraid of disappointing her, and my father. I was raised in a fairly prominent family, as my father is a religious leader. I did not want to ruin their reputation. But my mother wasn't angry. She explained her feelings to me in a way that every single pregnant woman needs to hear. "Am I happy about the act that lead to your pregnancy? Of course not. But your pregnancy is nothing to be ashamed of. Your child is a gift. This baby has done nothing wrong, and you should celebrate and love her just as much as if you were married." Her words have stayed with me to this day. They flew me back home a few days later, because I had some major decisions to make. What was I going to do about this pregnancy?

Can anyone help me? Last week I found this site while searching the web hoping I may find my daughter. I came across a listing for a young woman looking for her mom. Thats me but today I cannot find her profile anymore. She was know s C Palmer born June 22, 1984 in Suffern NY at Good Samaritian Hospital. Her adoption was through Catholic Home Bureau. Please if anyone has information. Although I would love to meet her its more important to me to get her her health history. I forgot but her post was from July of 2012, making it a little harder.

Sorry for the long post I just need some advice or help. When I was 19 I got pregnant and had my first baby boy by age 20. He was a gift from God and still is. I was a single mom, his dad has NEVER helped. He didn't even meet his son until last year when he was already 3 about to turn 4 yrs old and he still doesn't help. But when my first child was just 18 months old I got pregnant again by accident with another beautiful baby boy. I knew he was a gift from God too. I was on BC and using protection. I hid my pregnancy for awhile but see I was living with my parents paying them rent and they didn't help at all except of course allow us to live there but I paid my own bills and took care of my son and worked a very hard job especially for a pregnant woman. So I'd have to come home early sometimes and they knew something was up. I told them I was pregnant and they were furious. They wanted me out of their house. Even though I paid for everything and stuck to myself and gave them privacy they didnt want me having another baby in their household. So they gave me a choice of giving my baby up for adoption or they were gonna kick me/us out. I said NO so many times and just ignored them and we'd argue. I can't say they "FORCED" me because they didn't like hold a gun to my head but they still gave me no choice. My 1st sons father had disappeared and my 2nd sons father moved to SC and blocked me and just told me to get an abortion. I called family and friends and no one would even give us a place to stay until I could find my own apartment but I couldn't afford daycare for a newborn and 18 month old and a car payment and a even more expensive rent payment then i was already paying. So I agreed to MEET with the family. They were close friends of ours at a church and they promised me pictures, videos, they promised I could come see him and come to his birthdays ect, ect. I still said no but thought it was my only choice. My own family didn't wanna help me and my kids fathers were GONE. So I contacted them back and agreed as long as I could see him. Well the day i gave birth I told no one except my parents. Just me and my newborn and my 18 month old son up there hanging out. and I texted and called everyone and I was like NO I love my son I cannot just abandon him like that, I'm sorry but I'm not doing the adoption. Even though the family he was gonna be with are pastors, they're loaded rich, and have 2 other kids and are very loving. I still said no. I LOVE him. I didn't want to let him go. My mom came up there and was like "baby you have to do this cause you can't take care of 2 babies under 2 all alone with the little amount of money you make and you can't live with us anymore." I tried getting other jobs and getting government assistance. They wouldn't let me. So I told her I'd think about it but when the hospital sent us home the people were already there!!!! I told them to leave. I didn't sign anything and I have told yall NO several times. I didn't agree to a thing I said I would think that's why I havent signed anything. So my parents were like well your gonna be homeless with 2 kids and then the people just left with my baby. They said it was illegal if I didn't even though I hadn't signed anything. Never talked to an adoption agency or lawyer. Like they jsut disappeared. they blocked me on EVERYTHING. changed their numbers. they even went as far as saying i was harassing them and stalking them so they got restraining orders on me. I called the police, CPS, lawyers, judges and explained everything to everyone and that i didnt sign anything. they wouldn't help, they said I was crazy. the family told me to go kill myself and that he was their son now and to leave them alone. I have their address but like I said I cant go up there without getting arrested and I have my other son to think of. They tell everyone I hated my baby and was on drugs and was gonna get an abortion and that's why they saved him from me. But none of that is true. I never wanted an abortion and never even thought about it and I never did/do drugs and I wanted and still want my baby! Now even when I make fake facebook/yt/instagrams they find out magically and block me! they wont even allow me to see what he looks like. idk what my child sounds like and he is 2 years old now. Idk how he smells or what he likes in toys or even what size clothes. I send him gifts to the address I have and I send letters but idk if they live there anymore I just send them so hopefully he knows I love him. but for 18 years until I can legally contact him he is gonna think i wanted to abort him and that I was on drugs and just gave him away. but I didn't I faught for him. I even called lawyers and police and PI's but no one would or could help. I think about him everyday/all day and i just miss him. theres so much hurt and pain and idk what to do. they've somehow changed his last name to theirs and i didnt even agree to that or sign anything. but I have his SS number and the SS office said his number is the same but the last name is not the same as mine. idk how but they legally adopted him. I've tried for 2 years to get him back and I've spent all the money I could and still lost. I feel horrible. I'm sad. I dont eat, sleep, shower, sometimes I overeat to help with the pain, sometimes i get so drunk I dont rememeber things and I honestly just dont know what else to do. I'm with a man that loves my child like his own and he loves him like a dad. He takes care of our son, chores, works, cares for us. and I'm just useless cause I cant even get outta bed and it's been 2 years. I miss him. What should I do? medicines dont help. I have no friends or family cause they think I just abandoned my baby too. but I didnt. Do you all think I was horrible? what should I have done? help me. please I have no one to talk to and I'm thinking of just running away. theres nothing I can do. I've tried it all. I know I'm a horrible person. But advice or anything would be highly appreciated.

Last year, at this time, i took the 23andme test. I was adopted as an infant and knew nothing of my story, medical history, heritage or anything else! I was adopted by wonderful parents and i am now in my late 40’s and needed to do this for myself! I needed it to fill a whole in my heart! Not because i had a bad life, but because it was something i needed at this point in my life! I had no idea of all the emotions, feelings or personal hurdles that i would face when i started my journey! Upon receiving my 23andme test results i was nervous but also excited! The heritage and medical information didn’t really make much sense stating you might have this much percentage for this or that. Then i looked at my 23andme family tree connections. I found a list of my 1st, 2nd and 3rd cousins. I wrote to my two 1st cousins that had the most dna to me. Stating i was adopted as an infant, i am searching for answers and i see that we are 1st cousins - can you please help me understand how we are related. One of my 1st cousins wrote me back within a day and said absolutely i will help you! All of a sudden this became really real! I was scared! I was excited! I was unsure if this could be real! Things i had wondered about my whole life could be answered! Did i want those answers… yes, no, unsure… too late now… here we go! Within 2 days my 1st cousin had the answers i had wondered about since i was probably 13 years old! It was a lot of information all at once! It was scary and overwhelming to say the least! I felt alone all of a sudden. Like I’m going to get all the answers I’ve wondered about my entire life but no one really understands how i am feeling about all of this! My 1st cousin, could this really be my true biological 1st cousin! And just like that she was my cousin and all of a sudden my cousin knew who i was before i knew who i was! My cousin knew more about me than i knew about me my entire life! Now i feel vulnerable! My cousin’s mom is my Aunt on my birth-dad’s side! Oh my God! My birth-dad’s family is very big! My birth-dad has five other brothers and two sisters. My birth-dad was very young when he got the girl, my birth-mom, pregnant. My birth-mom was very young! My Aunt also kept in touch with my birth-mom’s sister for all these years just in-case i ever came back looking for them! My birth-mom’s family lived across the street from my birth-dad’s family! My birth-mom has five sisters. Holy moly! Talk about real! A flood of emotions! So many emotions it’s hard to put it all into words! Now part of me is also feeling guilty, thinking that i am betraying my parents. My parents that I’ve known my whole life, my family that has been my rock, my everything! I also feel scared wondering are these good people, can i trust them, what am i about to get myself into, i am also revealing myself… my adoption that I’ve kept a secret my whole life! A secret because i didn’t want to feel different from my friends. A secret that I’ve kept because i didn’t want people to think that i don’t love my parents and family like they love theirs! My secret because i didn’t want to feel vulnerable and share how i feel! How i feel about myself! A secret that i am now revealing to the world! WOW, this is a lot! More of my journey to come in future posts! I am writing this so if anyone else is going through this… they don’t feel as alone as i have felt through this whole journey! So they know that these emotions and feelings are okay to have and that they are not alone! So they know that they are worthy, that they are worth it and that they have the ability to get through this journey!

This is my first blog/post. I'm new to this group. I'm not American, but I hope to heal by taking my first step and here I am. I'm not sure how this works, or will work, but I do have a goal - I hope to start a Facebook group to support the people in my area so I'm hoping to learn a thing or two from Adoption.com. Here's my story - in brief - because we can all write a book about our own lives, so. I was adopted when I was a baby. I was raised by a beautiful family, I was only told I was adopted when I was 18. When I was told so, it wasn't under any normal circumstances. I was told I was adopted when I was pregnant with my firstborn - I was assaulted by my boyfriend and he knocked me up - and left me to rot. I decided to put my daughter up for adoption because I couldn't give her anything good, let alone a home. This was in 2001. Fast forward to 2017, she was told that she was adopted. And then she found me. It was a closed adoption, but she found me, her parents found me, for her. Our story isn't unique, but it can be empowering to some. There are so many emotional and mental rollercoasters that we've both went through. It's too difficult to write them all unless I decide to be a hermit and start writing a book about it to help people like me, like her. I was wondering if anyone could advise me what do I need to do if I were to start a local association or a help group of any sort to bring together people like me or the wonderful parents who've adopted my daughter, together. Often times, we feel trapped because we have no one but online strangers to talk to. But I hope to change that in my community, or even country. I want to help. Thank you for listening.

I am new to this, so here goes! I am 43 years old and I am trying to find closure to this. According to my mother she never signed any papers to have me adopted. Unfortunately, my "so called father" I call him that because I have never met him but met his sisters who I thought were my aunts, are telling me that he never knew I was his etc..its alot of he said she said things. Obviously no one is going to tell me the truth but I need closure for myself regarding if I was legally adopted or was i just given away. and If that is the case then how could i be added to medical insurance by the family that raised me; I mean I have so many unanswered questions. I just want some type of help!! can someone guide me in the right direction. And not to mention I have chosen Family as my topic for my "multigenre research paper for school. So this is my own personal journey.

Adoption is a wonderful gift a family can give a child who needs a home. Not only can this loving act transform the life of the child, but also of the family. Are you planning to adopt a child? There may be a mountain of qualms and concerns you might be faced with. Don’t you worry! By keeping in mind certain important aspects, the process of adopting a child won’t be that overwhelming. It’s important for you to give the decision of adoption plenty of thought. Without anyone to guide you through it, it can seem like you are in a fog. Chances are that a lack of guidance may lead you to committing mistakes you might regret later. Avoid the below mentioned mistakes in order to save yourself a bad experience. Irrespective of how committed you are to the adoption plan, there are several crucial factors you should ensure you’re in the know of by leaving no stone unturned. You can gain appropriate information regarding them only by doing enough research. Here’s what you should research about: • Adoption-related expenses • Length of the adoption process • Type of paperwork required • Medical condition of the child and his/her birth mother • Emotional and psychological effects of placing a child for adoption • Local authorities and voluntary organizations dealing with adoption • Counselling related to adoption • State laws governing adoption Inadequate research about the above mentioned aspects may lead you to encounter problems later. It is extremely essential to be absolutely clear about the adoption-related matters well in advance. You get only one chance to make a first impression, and that is why creating an outstanding adoption profile is so important. An adoption profile plays a gigantic role in the adoption process.Take care of the following when creating your profile: • As a prospective adoptive parent, your profile should focus on sharing genuine information about yourself. It should paint a picture of what it would be like to be a child in your family and how efficiently will you be able to meet his/her needs. Make sure to convey a consistent message through your photos and content. • Choose the right pictures for your profile, and ensure to write the perfect complimentary captions for them. • Your profile content needs to be effective enough to immediately make a connection with the reader. Add anecdotes and stories as they can make your profile relatively stronger and interesting. • Don’t try to make yourself sound perfect in your profile. Instead, show how resilient you are. Avoid overdoing the part of casting yourself in a positive light, as that may make your profile sound too saccharine-sweet and unrealistic. Focus on the concrete details such as, the level of contact you are hoping to have with the birth parents, what and how you plan to tell the child about them. Being gender-specific or adverse to age can slow down the adoption process to quite an extent. Most agencies won’t allow you to specify the gender. Moreover, prospective adoptive parents who are adamant about having a child of a specific gender may be shut out of parenting opportunities altogether. Generally, prospective adoptive parents look for younger children. If you are among them, you may want to reconsider. Being stringent about adopting a child who’s at a specific age can delay the process. Being open-minded about accepting older children, on the other hand, can open the doors to parenthood relatively faster. Trying to arrange an adoption without seeking professional advice is possibly one of the biggest mistakes you can make. It’s important that you seek the help of an attorney or an adoption agency. A lawyer who is licensed and familiar with the adoption laws of your particular state can help mitigate some of the most common mistakes that are made when adopting a child. He/she can help you find the best licensed adoption agencies to work with, in order to ensure the smooth completion of the adoption process. Imagine this - you obtain the consent of the birth mother, but it’s only later that you realize that the consent was unlawful. How frustrating can this be! An adoption lawyer will guide you about obtaining consent from the parents of the child you want to adopt lawfully. There have been several cases where prospective adoptive parents have been duped. They have had to bear terrible consequences. By having an experienced and licensed lawyer by your side, you can keep troubles at bay. Finding an experienced and trustworthy adoption attorney isn’t that difficult. You can ask for recommendations from your friends, colleagues or relatives. Searching online can also help you greatly. For instance, if you are looking for some of the top-rated adoption or custody attorneys in your city, you could simply search online for adoption lawyer or child custody lawyer. This will provide you with relevant results. Once you have the list of lawyers, you can choose the one that best fits your needs. The hardest part of the adoption process is maintaining your calm and being patient. The process can take months, even years before you get the right match. There’s no way of knowing how long it may take. You need to be prepared for it. You will be able to make an informed decision about adoption-related matters only by being in the right frame of mind. Adopting a child is both a beautiful and a challenging process. From doing enough research beforehand to seeking the right professional advice, there’s a lot to adoption you must bear in mind. By avoiding the above mentioned mistakes, the process will not only take place smoothly, but also save you a lot of hassle. Remember, adopting a child can be a brilliant way of completing your family. But, make sure to get an in-depth understanding of all the issues related to it well in time, and then go ahead and make the big decision. Todd A. Walters is a top family law and child custody lawyer at The Walters Law Group Ltd., based out of Illinois, Chicago. Mr. Walters is dedicated to resolving legal matters related to divorce, child custody and other family law issues. Walters and his team have ample knowledge and ability to represent such cases and obtain the best results for their clients. (Image Credit: Flickr.com)